(no subject)
I have been back in Montreal for a week now.
Settled into the new apartment.
Enjoying the easy downtown life, before classes start tomorrow.
In the past month or so, I started seeing a new guy, Brian.
I went in thinking, I'm leaving in a month, let's just have fun; that way, when I leave, I can look back and be happy about making the best of things.
Here I am a week into Montreal later.
A few nights ago, he left Toronto at 1 AM and drove to see me.
Last night, he was drunk and sent me 20 texts about missing me and how great I was, and a couple facebook messages along the same lines, but with an added note or two about how he's never felt like this before.
So today I'm thinking, here's a guy who will do anything to make me happy; someone who genuinely cares and will do everything in his power to not have me feel pain.
This is the happy ending to all of the shitty assholes who have come into my life.
And yet, today, all I can think about is the different scenarios that can occur when I first run into the guy who left me bitter and angry at the beginning of the summer.
Because he got back into town yesterday.
And as much as I vowed to stay away,
Part of me still wants to be his friend so I have a reason not to.
And so I feel like an idiot again.
Because I have a wonderful person in my life, who I care for, and cares for me in return.
And I'm fighting every last urge to run out there and screw it up.
Which would be great, if I didn't feel like doing that every single second of the day.
Merde.
Settled into the new apartment.
Enjoying the easy downtown life, before classes start tomorrow.
In the past month or so, I started seeing a new guy, Brian.
I went in thinking, I'm leaving in a month, let's just have fun; that way, when I leave, I can look back and be happy about making the best of things.
Here I am a week into Montreal later.
A few nights ago, he left Toronto at 1 AM and drove to see me.
Last night, he was drunk and sent me 20 texts about missing me and how great I was, and a couple facebook messages along the same lines, but with an added note or two about how he's never felt like this before.
So today I'm thinking, here's a guy who will do anything to make me happy; someone who genuinely cares and will do everything in his power to not have me feel pain.
This is the happy ending to all of the shitty assholes who have come into my life.
And yet, today, all I can think about is the different scenarios that can occur when I first run into the guy who left me bitter and angry at the beginning of the summer.
Because he got back into town yesterday.
And as much as I vowed to stay away,
Part of me still wants to be his friend so I have a reason not to.
And so I feel like an idiot again.
Because I have a wonderful person in my life, who I care for, and cares for me in return.
And I'm fighting every last urge to run out there and screw it up.
Which would be great, if I didn't feel like doing that every single second of the day.
Merde.