practically jumbled
Mah. Uhrm. Lrol.
It's a week of conflicting feelings. Or too many feelings.
It's the start of a few weeks period of transition, which I hate. Which will bring good, but also requires leaving good, and is thus my eternal conflict.
I miss my Mom. I miss my Dad. I'm going to miss them even more soon. I'm going to want them there, in Boston, helping me settle in the new apartment, so much. And yet at the same time, I want to do it myself. I feel like I should want to do it myself.
I am excited for decorating my room. But also not looking forward to the money that will take.
Going to Lowe's, flipping through magazines, checking out design ideas - I am pumped.
Thinking about money and time and everything I need to do in the next (ohgoodness) week, is overwhelming me.
I'm not making the best use of my time. I'm not getting what I need to do done, though I am doing what I want to do. Except I also want to get everything done, so that statement isn't entirely accurate. What a stupid, self-inflicted mess.
Being in Boston again. It's been so long. And this time it will be even more my home. Maybe? Right. Totally new experience this time around. Ah. Wow.
Goodbyes soon. I'm not ready.
Didn't summer just start? The evolution of relationships, the shift of dynamics this summer has brought have been unexpected, confusing, mostly positive. I want to be home so much more. I don't want to leave. This is so new. I want to go everywhere and stay here all at once. I want to see everyone whenever I want. Impossible. All of it. Crushing. This is growing up. I love it. It sucks.