in short

[iwishicouldwink]

i think what it is,

for me at least,

is that i always want everyone i love to be accessible to me. to be near me.
and i struggle and hate so much that it's not
but then i realized:
okay. some things can't be.

and in accepting it, i can move on. 
and that doesn't mean i care any less.
it means that i just understand the situation
and recognize that it is unchangeable
and realize that if i'm operating under the same conditions no matter what
i might as well not let it get me down