(no subject)
the stench of failure is all around me
and all I can do is train myself not to smell.
If any of you had any idea of how pathetic my existance has been. It's just not fair. I work so hard to have my life make sense. I got completely and utterly fucked over b/c I thought maybe just maybe we could all just be friends. I could maybe trust my friends. I hate some people. And how they've used me. But, I guess that's on them. That shame is for them to carry, not me. I refuse to live life by some set of pre-determined rules. I'm gonna go through life calm, relaxed, and happy, and I am going to be kind to people and have interesting conversation and not let stupid, vain, ignorants tell me what I am "supposed" to be. It makes me literally throw up when I think of how my existance was raped. How can people be so utterly thoughtless? But, it's time to move on I can't let yesterday affect today and I won't any more.
It's all about making the decision: I am not going to make myself suffer any more. I'm going to start being nice myself, and allowing myself to have fun and branch out. I'm done suffering. I don't want to do this any more.
and all I can do is train myself not to smell.
If any of you had any idea of how pathetic my existance has been. It's just not fair. I work so hard to have my life make sense. I got completely and utterly fucked over b/c I thought maybe just maybe we could all just be friends. I could maybe trust my friends. I hate some people. And how they've used me. But, I guess that's on them. That shame is for them to carry, not me. I refuse to live life by some set of pre-determined rules. I'm gonna go through life calm, relaxed, and happy, and I am going to be kind to people and have interesting conversation and not let stupid, vain, ignorants tell me what I am "supposed" to be. It makes me literally throw up when I think of how my existance was raped. How can people be so utterly thoughtless? But, it's time to move on I can't let yesterday affect today and I won't any more.
It's all about making the decision: I am not going to make myself suffer any more. I'm going to start being nice myself, and allowing myself to have fun and branch out. I'm done suffering. I don't want to do this any more.