midnight21
in
iwish
(no subject)
I wish I could be happy in my new apartment, but I'm not. My cat Morgan is gone, rehomed with another owner. I'm still single, unmarried, and childless. I still haven't really met any new people in this area and it's so hard to connect with them and keep them in my life long term. Everything just changes too quickly and everyone would end up moving on with their lives without me in it. Then I fall back to square one feeling extremely lonely. What's the point of even trying anymore if you're just going to be hurt, used, rejected or abandoned by others because you're a little different?
And furthermore, is this all I'll ever have in life? Or will things change and become something more than just sheer emptiness? Time will only tell. But the only thing I wish for now is to be home with Jesus. At least in heaven, I'll have a brand new body with no disabilities or barriers to prevent me from doing things God wants me to do anymore. I'll also be just like everyone else, loved and accepted by all. Rejection, neglect, and abandonment would never happen to me again.
IF I knew that my future would end up like this, I wish that I was miscarried or aborted. I feel like I don't belong here anymore and everything seems so pointless. I try to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is fine, but in the end, everything just falls apart. If I disappeared from earth early as possible, then I wouldn't have to worry about it or feel anything anymore... I would just be in a deep peaceful sleep until earth's very last day.
I guess I have no choice but to go down this empty path and hope for the best, even though there is nothing left anymore...
And furthermore, is this all I'll ever have in life? Or will things change and become something more than just sheer emptiness? Time will only tell. But the only thing I wish for now is to be home with Jesus. At least in heaven, I'll have a brand new body with no disabilities or barriers to prevent me from doing things God wants me to do anymore. I'll also be just like everyone else, loved and accepted by all. Rejection, neglect, and abandonment would never happen to me again.
IF I knew that my future would end up like this, I wish that I was miscarried or aborted. I feel like I don't belong here anymore and everything seems so pointless. I try to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is fine, but in the end, everything just falls apart. If I disappeared from earth early as possible, then I wouldn't have to worry about it or feel anything anymore... I would just be in a deep peaceful sleep until earth's very last day.
I guess I have no choice but to go down this empty path and hope for the best, even though there is nothing left anymore...