The more I discover, the sadder I become.

[iwillhurt]

Last night was terrible. Absolutley terrible. My Pap was in bed and my Nana was out so I decided to use the phone. I called Matthew. Bad idea. We talked about how badly things are going. Then I decided to get into the goood ol' Gin. Jeezus, that made our conversation into an unrealistic one about how I'm going to somehow come up with enough cash to move to Calgary this summer and how my aunt will somehow let me live with her. Well, I decided to get off the phone. I grab the 40 and go sit by the water, not kewl. Especially in my condition. (Now, you see, my and my Nan had been fighting for days at this point about how I'm unhappy and I am the only person who can change that) Whatever. I am really not concerned with my happiness at the moment. So she comes back and see's me sitting by the water andd asks me to come inside to look at our Irish ancestor photo book. It was pretty kewl and one of her great uncle's looked my exdavid. It freaked me out a bit. Uhmm, so then she starts talking about how me and Kane can actually make something of ourselves and how we shouldn't be slobs like our Rents. (Comming from rich folk who have never had a money issue) Don't get me wrong my family is lazy but she had no right. I bite my lip. Then, she goes on about my attitude. "You should try to smile dear! I know at the moment your only concern is popularity and having a boyfriend-" Whoa...."Stop right there!" I exclaim...She was so confused on why I was bothered. Then I profoundly announce "If you knew me at all, you would have never EVER said that!" She just laughed at me and I went off. I stormed out of the shed. Walkedinto the cabin and packed all of my stuff. Then went out for a walk and a smoke. She came at me screaming about how I shouldn't get so worked up and how I need help. So I fucking screamed and she yelled and I screamed and she said "We're meeting your father in the PAS tommorow, he'll pick you uo from there!' I freak out some more. Her saying "I know all about the things you pull at home, I will not tolerate them here". So I tell ehr off by sayinmg how she doesn't know fuck all about the last four years of my life and she never will. And so we argue to the point that I'm crying. I don't even know why it went as far as me calling my dad at 1 in the morning asking him to come all the way to Setting Lake to pick me up.

All of that commotion just because I'm unhappy. My dad explained it as Manic Depression. I don't have Manic depression!! Wtf is that about!

I may be a little sensitive, angry, frustrated and bored most of the time. But that's not main depression, that's just......?