freak out?
i think i associate big worry with extreme stomach behavior just because they are usually tied. i get the nervous poops or tummy churning anxiety occasionally, or in rare cases, i lose my appetite completely when somebody has done something horrific to my heart.
that's kind of how i feel this time, but there's no heartache in this case. i guess i am fairly used to having a stomach of steel so when something upsets it (other than gas), i am surprised. it is pretty rare. i still can't tell if it is something i ate (i had some maybe questionable room temp lox the day i left nyc) or a virus i caught (i rubbed up against many a smelly, equally questionable person in nyc).
so naturally, because it is something new and foreign, i push it. like a scab or a pimple, i see how far i can go to make things go back to normal. i try to force my appetite by testing out smells to see if they still make me nauseated. they do. at the tiniest twinge of hunger i try to dive back into a normal dinner. again, nausea afterward.
i don't want it to turn out like the last time i felt this way (it lasted about 3 weeks). i was a weak, tired, incomprehensible mess. the whole time i felt like a cracking shell, but then again last time i was emotionally very upset.
i want to be able to jazzercise again and eat fun meals and power through the day instead of just following through, weakly. i tried going to jazzercise today in the hopes that it would kick my appetite back in to gear (i am usually starving after jazzercise, it is normally all i can do to keep from eating my own fists), but no go. i half-assed jazzercise which made me feel stupid, and i felt like i was going to fall over. i'm not sure if it is a good idea to keep pushing myself too soon. i thought i had given myself enough time (3 days), guess not. i'll wait a little longer before i push the limits again; when i feel good and ready and strong again.
i just miss tasting!
that's kind of how i feel this time, but there's no heartache in this case. i guess i am fairly used to having a stomach of steel so when something upsets it (other than gas), i am surprised. it is pretty rare. i still can't tell if it is something i ate (i had some maybe questionable room temp lox the day i left nyc) or a virus i caught (i rubbed up against many a smelly, equally questionable person in nyc).
so naturally, because it is something new and foreign, i push it. like a scab or a pimple, i see how far i can go to make things go back to normal. i try to force my appetite by testing out smells to see if they still make me nauseated. they do. at the tiniest twinge of hunger i try to dive back into a normal dinner. again, nausea afterward.
i don't want it to turn out like the last time i felt this way (it lasted about 3 weeks). i was a weak, tired, incomprehensible mess. the whole time i felt like a cracking shell, but then again last time i was emotionally very upset.
i want to be able to jazzercise again and eat fun meals and power through the day instead of just following through, weakly. i tried going to jazzercise today in the hopes that it would kick my appetite back in to gear (i am usually starving after jazzercise, it is normally all i can do to keep from eating my own fists), but no go. i half-assed jazzercise which made me feel stupid, and i felt like i was going to fall over. i'm not sure if it is a good idea to keep pushing myself too soon. i thought i had given myself enough time (3 days), guess not. i'll wait a little longer before i push the limits again; when i feel good and ready and strong again.
i just miss tasting!