(no subject)
I'm sick of being second best to my brother. Somehow, no matter what I do, its never better than precious eldest son.
And I feel horrible, but when he called me and told me he crashed his car, I felt bad for him but in the very very back of my mind, I thought maybe Cole would be on my dad's shit list, for like a day at the very least, and then he would get over it. But NOPE! Not even for a minute. And my glimmering moment of being the good kid, the smart kid, the worthy kid, WHATEVER, was shoved back into the dark corner, waiting again.
And I know I sound really whiny, but I'm so sick of being called the dumbass, the lazy one, the one who doesn't try hard enough. ERG!!!
And even after he leaves, I still won't get to step up into the favorite kid spot.
I am forever doomed to be second best, that is if my little brother doesn't come before me.
Fuck.
And I feel horrible, but when he called me and told me he crashed his car, I felt bad for him but in the very very back of my mind, I thought maybe Cole would be on my dad's shit list, for like a day at the very least, and then he would get over it. But NOPE! Not even for a minute. And my glimmering moment of being the good kid, the smart kid, the worthy kid, WHATEVER, was shoved back into the dark corner, waiting again.
And I know I sound really whiny, but I'm so sick of being called the dumbass, the lazy one, the one who doesn't try hard enough. ERG!!!
And even after he leaves, I still won't get to step up into the favorite kid spot.
I am forever doomed to be second best, that is if my little brother doesn't come before me.
Fuck.