wild cherry coke can! remember the police officer was pryed out of his own vehicle and told us the tragic story...only a palm harbor cop. he probably thought we were smoking crack, we like walked briskly away....we should of emptied that bag while we were walking....the other day i was just thinking about how high we used to get, like that one night we were spending the night at my house, left, got high at woodlake, came home an hour later giggling our asses off. even more priceless was when you made out with kyle kribbs your first time on lucy in the sky with dimonds on my couch. god, i wish i could go back and live it up as hard as i did, all the parties, shindigs, raves....pshhh but then i remember all my drug dealers moved away or got busted....fuckers. oh well, i have to save up 1 more grand, buy my car. save up another 2g to move out( my mother wants to have sex whenever she wants)...
i know i get caught up in the bigger picture, getting pissed off at things i can't control that make me feel imprisoned. those damn punk rockers reminded me of myself again, getting all huffy puffy but no production. so i had to realize that in order to get what i want i have to work with my limitations and make things happen. we are the conductors of our own reality, i would have never come out of my depression unless i realized i was the one putting the depressing thoughts in my own head.i wouldn't of ever realized that didn't have to be a fundamentalist to a music scene, if i had never met you livi boo! you really opened me up, got me to sing a long to TBS, i mean god damn that was a huge step from "fuck emo". ever since i stopped taking the effexor it's like i'm finally stimulated by emotions, i've been trapped in this funk trying to feel out this person i am. apparently i'm a really focused hard worker, since i have regret for not getting off that damn drug sooner, it's become motivation for the future. i bitch about us all truckin our asses to college b/c i just honestly hate the system and want there to be something more to life than a career, money, husbands, and kids. i want our material desire to be satisfied, as well as our souls.surrounded by religious wars, conservative fundamentalists who want to listen to our cell phone calls, radical religious fundamentalists blowing themselves up, genocide, natural distasters, there's just so much effecting the karmic vibration on this planet. i just love you livi, without your carefree joy of living i would still hate everyone/thing for not being punk rock. with all those new people you'll meet at FSU, dont be afraid to let them open you up to something different than yourself. it just might be that one person to change your whole attitude on life. so much love, shanny
I'm so happy/relieved to hear from you. I think of you often, miss you terribly. Things are very boring/lonely lately. Don't drink the water :cP I keep hoping the people that I meet/befriend will impact me the way you do, but that's never the case. You are truly a unique person and we truly have a unique friendship because I believe we've changed eachothers lives incredibly. I couldn't ever be completely honest about anything with anybody else until I met you. Always a struggle to impress, or something along those lines. You're the only reason I miss highschool, to say the least. And the only person that's ever slapped me in the face because I was tooo fucked up :cP now thats love.
I responded to your entry about college, and it sounded angry which I apologize for, but it was just the steam from fear/sadness of leaving friends behind and going on to something new. We sat on my swing all night smoking and talking about going to college and everything like we were fearless, but its getting scarier as the moving date gets closer, and the more I realize I'm going alone. Well, with Lauren of course, thank god. But it's an incredible stress to know that I'll be 500 miles away from all of these memories. I'm so excited and so petrified and so homesick already.
We have to hang out soon. I'm at t-minus 21 days and counting. When you get a day off or something this week or next week--call me so you and I can hang out. If lucy could come that would be cool with me if you still like her and all. I need clarification because I'm such a pathetic mess right now. I'll give you a call on Sunday.
I just love you too Shanny. You're my hetero soulmate :c) Tell Brandon I said hi and that i love/miss him as well. Hopefully I'll hear from you soon.
so much love, livi
PS. I can barely comprehend the idea of saving money seeing as though I've made 10,000 this year and all I have to show for it are some gas receipts and empty plastic bags----but congratulations to you :cD thats so cool. keep it up baby girl!
god, i wish i could go back and live it up as hard as i did, all the parties, shindigs, raves....pshhh but then i remember all my drug dealers moved away or got busted....fuckers. oh well, i have to save up 1 more grand, buy my car. save up another 2g to move out( my mother wants to have sex whenever she wants)...
i know i get caught up in the bigger picture, getting pissed off at things i can't control that make me feel imprisoned. those damn punk rockers reminded me of myself again, getting all huffy puffy but no production. so i had to realize that in order to get what i want i have to work with my limitations and make things happen. we are the conductors of our own reality, i would have never come out of my depression unless i realized i was the one putting the depressing thoughts in my own head.i wouldn't of ever realized that didn't have to be a fundamentalist to a music scene, if i had never met you livi boo! you really opened me up, got me to sing a long to TBS, i mean god damn that was a huge step from "fuck emo". ever since i stopped taking the effexor it's like i'm finally stimulated by emotions, i've been trapped in this funk trying to feel out this person i am. apparently i'm a really focused hard worker, since i have regret for not getting off that damn drug sooner, it's become motivation for the future. i bitch about us all truckin our asses to college b/c i just honestly hate the system and want there to be something more to life than a career, money, husbands, and kids. i want our material desire to be satisfied, as well as our souls.surrounded by religious wars, conservative fundamentalists who want to listen to our cell phone calls, radical religious fundamentalists blowing themselves up, genocide, natural distasters, there's just so much effecting the karmic vibration on this planet. i just love you livi, without your carefree joy of living i would still hate everyone/thing for not being punk rock. with all those new people you'll meet at FSU, dont be afraid to let them open you up to something different than yourself. it just might be that one person to change your whole attitude on life.
so much love,
shanny
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I responded to your entry about college, and it sounded angry which I apologize for, but it was just the steam from fear/sadness of leaving friends behind and going on to something new. We sat on my swing all night smoking and talking about going to college and everything like we were fearless, but its getting scarier as the moving date gets closer, and the more I realize I'm going alone. Well, with Lauren of course, thank god. But it's an incredible stress to know that I'll be 500 miles away from all of these memories. I'm so excited and so petrified and so homesick already.
We have to hang out soon. I'm at t-minus 21 days and counting. When you get a day off or something this week or next week--call me so you and I can hang out. If lucy could come that would be cool with me if you still like her and all. I need clarification because I'm such a pathetic mess right now. I'll give you a call on Sunday.
I just love you too Shanny. You're my hetero soulmate :c) Tell Brandon I said hi and that i love/miss him as well. Hopefully I'll hear from you soon.
so much love,
livi
PS. I can barely comprehend the idea of saving money seeing as though I've made 10,000 this year and all I have to show for it are some gas receipts and empty plastic bags----but congratulations to you :cD thats so cool. keep it up baby girl!
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