(no subject)
Saturday is my first day at the job in Lansing. Alot of things that were promised to me for that job didn't happen. I think it was kind of a ploy to get me to go there since we were running out of hours here at Lakeside. Due to that, I do not know how long I will want the job because I was promised at least 40 hours and I was recently told that I most likely will not get that. Right now, I can't afford not to be working full time.
On a positive note, I will get to see Danny more and hang out with Melissa and Amy or Lukey T, and get to know Sean and Amanda better...plus it will be a new surrounding. To get away from Jet's for a little while will be good because it will give my eczema some time to calm down.
Today I found myself thinking about the future, as in what I will be doing for a living. I know what I want to do but I am just scared because I don't know how the road is going to be to get there. It stresses me out and I try not to think about it and think more about today and what is happening in the next couple of weeks as opposed to the next couple of years, but I feel like I am at that time where I have to START thinking about all of those things. I want to move out, I can't stand being back in my parents house. I started paying for my car payment and I pay all of my other bills so it isn't like they can try to take my car away from me if I moved out like they used to do. I really wish Samg would want to move out and we could move in together. I think our house or apartment would be the best one ever! I am sick of seeing all of the same people in Macomb, I am sick of the weather...and I thought I missed all of this. Sometimes I wish I could go back to California but then I know I would miss alot of things here. I am so bad at making decisions. I pride myself at being very independent but yet I feel like I need some sort of approval from someone to help me realize that my decision is valid because I made it and no one else did. But why am I like that? Is it because I spent my whole life searching for that look of approval from my parents and I just want them to be happy with what I decide? Or maybe I let them make too many decisions for me because I was scared of making them upset or that they will take something away from me? It isn't like that anymore, but up until I moved back to Michigan it was. Do we all make decisions with the thought in the back of our mind that we should please someone? Whether it be family member, a significant other, a peer, a co-worker? Growing up comes with a lot of obstacles and decisions that we have to cross and make it alone...that is what I am finally realizing.
On a positive note, I will get to see Danny more and hang out with Melissa and Amy or Lukey T, and get to know Sean and Amanda better...plus it will be a new surrounding. To get away from Jet's for a little while will be good because it will give my eczema some time to calm down.
Today I found myself thinking about the future, as in what I will be doing for a living. I know what I want to do but I am just scared because I don't know how the road is going to be to get there. It stresses me out and I try not to think about it and think more about today and what is happening in the next couple of weeks as opposed to the next couple of years, but I feel like I am at that time where I have to START thinking about all of those things. I want to move out, I can't stand being back in my parents house. I started paying for my car payment and I pay all of my other bills so it isn't like they can try to take my car away from me if I moved out like they used to do. I really wish Samg would want to move out and we could move in together. I think our house or apartment would be the best one ever! I am sick of seeing all of the same people in Macomb, I am sick of the weather...and I thought I missed all of this. Sometimes I wish I could go back to California but then I know I would miss alot of things here. I am so bad at making decisions. I pride myself at being very independent but yet I feel like I need some sort of approval from someone to help me realize that my decision is valid because I made it and no one else did. But why am I like that? Is it because I spent my whole life searching for that look of approval from my parents and I just want them to be happy with what I decide? Or maybe I let them make too many decisions for me because I was scared of making them upset or that they will take something away from me? It isn't like that anymore, but up until I moved back to Michigan it was. Do we all make decisions with the thought in the back of our mind that we should please someone? Whether it be family member, a significant other, a peer, a co-worker? Growing up comes with a lot of obstacles and decisions that we have to cross and make it alone...that is what I am finally realizing.