Poems from 2004
Below are just a few of the many poems I wrote while I was going through the worst time in my life when I was 15. I was in a deep depression and writing these poems was a great outlet for me, but there were also other outlets I chose, which were not as safe. I feel like I need to get these poems out there because it feels better for me to share them.
I just want to warn you that many of the poems are very graphic.
Find me like this
Leave me here
I don't want to change
Let me bleed and let me cry
Let me go
Hold me close
Talk to me
Let me cry
Wipe away my tears
Leave me to die
Take away my pain
Cut the pain away
The agony is deep
Make the fountain stream
Tilt your head back and scream
Tortured by more than her smile
She finds comfort in her blade
Slowly her arm becomes numb
The crimson lines rapidly multiply
She won't stop until it's done
Even if she wanted to, she can't stop
This addiction has taken over
Can't sleep now
I need to release the demons
They are haunting me
Make them go away
Brush them away with your sanity
Stop their screaming
They are eating away at me
Can't sleep now
There hasn't been a smile for days
All that is seen are the tears
Feelings of emptiness and loneliness overwhelm
A fragile body, a shattered heart
Uncertain to see tomorrow
Unable to succumb to happiness
Caged up, bottled inside
They will never know
All of this suffering has pushed me to my limits
Thoughts are unclear
My body is numb
I'm trying to hold on
But I'm slipping away
No one notices the scars on her arm
Every night she carves into her skin
Her flesh is stained with blood
This cannot be undone
With every passing day
She goes deeper until it overflows
Now she lays lifeless
No one hears her cries of pain and sorrow
She's taking a bath in her own blood
She went too far, too soon
Slowly her breaths become shorter
There's no time left
It's too late
Her skin is cold
There is no hope
Just when you think it's all gone
It comes back
It comes back stronger
More addictive than ever
There wounds will never close
They will never heal
Blood will keep pouring out
It's like an endless fountain
Never does it resolve anything
Only relieves the pain temporarily
It's taking control over me
One day it will be done
There won't be anything left
Except for a cold body drowned in a pool of blood
Crimson
The color of lines along my arms
The color of emotion that I feel
The color that my eyes cry
The color that fulfills my happiness
The color that I live to die for
I'm ready to end this all today
I'm ready to stain my carpet red
I'm ready to swallow all the pills
I'm ready to pull the trigger
I'm ready to lay helpless
I'm ready to be found cold
I'm ready to end this all today
I want to drown in my blood
I want to choke on the pills
I want to scream from the pain
Maybe today it will happen
Maybe today it will be deep
Maybe today the blood won't stop
Maybe today I won't cry
Maybe today I'll say good bye
Maybe today there won't be tomorrow
This is a poem that a friend of mine showed me when I was younger and it has stuck with me. It's called "Warped and Twisted".
Harsh words and violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep insides, I'm warped and twisted
So many tricks and so many lies
Too many when and too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped and twisted
Sleeping awake and chocking on dreams
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone, so warped and twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone but my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped and twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, and hollow
Today's just yesterdays tomorrow
The sun dried out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped and twisted
I just want to warn you that many of the poems are very graphic.
Find me like this
Leave me here
I don't want to change
Let me bleed and let me cry
Let me go
Hold me close
Talk to me
Let me cry
Wipe away my tears
Leave me to die
Take away my pain
Cut the pain away
The agony is deep
Make the fountain stream
Tilt your head back and scream
Tortured by more than her smile
She finds comfort in her blade
Slowly her arm becomes numb
The crimson lines rapidly multiply
She won't stop until it's done
Even if she wanted to, she can't stop
This addiction has taken over
Can't sleep now
I need to release the demons
They are haunting me
Make them go away
Brush them away with your sanity
Stop their screaming
They are eating away at me
Can't sleep now
There hasn't been a smile for days
All that is seen are the tears
Feelings of emptiness and loneliness overwhelm
A fragile body, a shattered heart
Uncertain to see tomorrow
Unable to succumb to happiness
Caged up, bottled inside
They will never know
All of this suffering has pushed me to my limits
Thoughts are unclear
My body is numb
I'm trying to hold on
But I'm slipping away
No one notices the scars on her arm
Every night she carves into her skin
Her flesh is stained with blood
This cannot be undone
With every passing day
She goes deeper until it overflows
Now she lays lifeless
No one hears her cries of pain and sorrow
She's taking a bath in her own blood
She went too far, too soon
Slowly her breaths become shorter
There's no time left
It's too late
Her skin is cold
There is no hope
Just when you think it's all gone
It comes back
It comes back stronger
More addictive than ever
There wounds will never close
They will never heal
Blood will keep pouring out
It's like an endless fountain
Never does it resolve anything
Only relieves the pain temporarily
It's taking control over me
One day it will be done
There won't be anything left
Except for a cold body drowned in a pool of blood
Crimson
The color of lines along my arms
The color of emotion that I feel
The color that my eyes cry
The color that fulfills my happiness
The color that I live to die for
I'm ready to end this all today
I'm ready to stain my carpet red
I'm ready to swallow all the pills
I'm ready to pull the trigger
I'm ready to lay helpless
I'm ready to be found cold
I'm ready to end this all today
I want to drown in my blood
I want to choke on the pills
I want to scream from the pain
Maybe today it will happen
Maybe today it will be deep
Maybe today the blood won't stop
Maybe today I won't cry
Maybe today I'll say good bye
Maybe today there won't be tomorrow
This is a poem that a friend of mine showed me when I was younger and it has stuck with me. It's called "Warped and Twisted".
Harsh words and violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep insides, I'm warped and twisted
So many tricks and so many lies
Too many when and too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped and twisted
Sleeping awake and chocking on dreams
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone, so warped and twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone but my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped and twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, and hollow
Today's just yesterdays tomorrow
The sun dried out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped and twisted