(no subject)
lately whenever i look at my hands i feel like they are moving on there own and they aren't really my hands.
i really can't describe it completely, it just makes me feel really disoriented.
i'm starting to feel a little more sane now that i've chilled on the drinking a little. agh. alcohol is so annoying. i really hate the way i don't feel drunk at all until i'm smashed, and when i reach that point i can't remember anything at all, so what was the point in the first place.
i don't know. the alcohol isn't the problem, the problem is me..
i really need a goddamn vacation. fuck it, not even a vacation, i just need to leave towson for a day, a minute.. i just gotta catch my fucking breath. i guess the last time i left the city at all was to go see modest mouse in philly which was awesome, but in the morning i was back at home. god i can't wait until i have a car so i can disappear. i just really want to have that capability.
the seconds i am alone are like gold to me.
meh. i need to stop living a lie.
lately i've put a lot of thought into the last instance that i saw select people, and wonder if it will be the last time.
i wonder if i'll ever see todd again. i really miss him& the brightness he would bring to such gray and gloomy faces.
i wonder if i'll ever see joe again. i doubt it. last time i saw him he looked awful. now he's in jail.
i really hope by the time he's back... i'm gone..
now i'm going to curl up in my bed and get stoned and watch donnie darko all alone
i'm seriously looking forward to doing this almost as much as halloween.
which i got my costume for by the way.
oh not even, I CAN'T WAIT FOR HALLOWEEN GAHHHH
and i could chase you forever
i really can't describe it completely, it just makes me feel really disoriented.
i'm starting to feel a little more sane now that i've chilled on the drinking a little. agh. alcohol is so annoying. i really hate the way i don't feel drunk at all until i'm smashed, and when i reach that point i can't remember anything at all, so what was the point in the first place.
i don't know. the alcohol isn't the problem, the problem is me..
i really need a goddamn vacation. fuck it, not even a vacation, i just need to leave towson for a day, a minute.. i just gotta catch my fucking breath. i guess the last time i left the city at all was to go see modest mouse in philly which was awesome, but in the morning i was back at home. god i can't wait until i have a car so i can disappear. i just really want to have that capability.
the seconds i am alone are like gold to me.
meh. i need to stop living a lie.
lately i've put a lot of thought into the last instance that i saw select people, and wonder if it will be the last time.
i wonder if i'll ever see todd again. i really miss him& the brightness he would bring to such gray and gloomy faces.
i wonder if i'll ever see joe again. i doubt it. last time i saw him he looked awful. now he's in jail.
i really hope by the time he's back... i'm gone..
now i'm going to curl up in my bed and get stoned and watch donnie darko all alone
i'm seriously looking forward to doing this almost as much as halloween.
which i got my costume for by the way.
oh not even, I CAN'T WAIT FOR HALLOWEEN GAHHHH
and i could chase you forever