(no subject)
Something has been bothering me lately.
The idea of moving home.
I've been thinking about it a lot in the last few months.
Moving to Halifax was a terrifying experience.
I remember lying awake in a hotel room in Fredericton listening to my dad snoring in the next bed wishing with all my might that we could just turn around and go home so that I could sleep in my own bed.
Here were are four years later.
I never imagined that the thought of moving home could be just as terrifying.
I love Halifax. The people I've met here have been truly awesome to me. They've been the greatest friends I've ever had. Leaving this town wll be very hard.
But my life is taking me in a different direction. I know I want to be in Ottawa by September of next year at least. I now have a plan for myself. A career to get into. I see myself going to school for 2 years, getting a job, eventually buying a house, travelling on my time off. I'd like to be married with a kid or two by the time I'm 30 although that sometimes seems so incredibly impossible to me.
I dream suburban dreams. Like a fish swimming upstream to get back to where I came from. Perhaps that's inevitable.
Moving home scares me because I worry I won't find a decent job. I worry I will just revert back to my old ways. Being lonely in my parents' basement wathcing tv all day and never interacting with actual human beings other than the occasional chat with a family member. Except I realize that I shouldn't worry about reverting to my old ways since I don't think I ever stopped acting the way I did before. Almost every summer I spend every long weekend by myself and what do I do? I watch tv all day long and feel sorry for myself. So maybe I haven't changed that much.
Okay, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I still have a long way to go but I have gained some experience and maybe even as ounce of confidence that I didn't have before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that lately I feel faced with all these big life changing decisions and its making me feel very scared and completely unsure about anything.
I feel I've messed up a lot in the last few years. Sometimes I wish I had grown just a little bit more.
But the truth is despite that, I've been okay. And for the most part I think I will be okay no matter what I choose to do.
So I should find ways to shake off those worries. And trust myself a little more.
The idea of moving home.
I've been thinking about it a lot in the last few months.
Moving to Halifax was a terrifying experience.
I remember lying awake in a hotel room in Fredericton listening to my dad snoring in the next bed wishing with all my might that we could just turn around and go home so that I could sleep in my own bed.
Here were are four years later.
I never imagined that the thought of moving home could be just as terrifying.
I love Halifax. The people I've met here have been truly awesome to me. They've been the greatest friends I've ever had. Leaving this town wll be very hard.
But my life is taking me in a different direction. I know I want to be in Ottawa by September of next year at least. I now have a plan for myself. A career to get into. I see myself going to school for 2 years, getting a job, eventually buying a house, travelling on my time off. I'd like to be married with a kid or two by the time I'm 30 although that sometimes seems so incredibly impossible to me.
I dream suburban dreams. Like a fish swimming upstream to get back to where I came from. Perhaps that's inevitable.
Moving home scares me because I worry I won't find a decent job. I worry I will just revert back to my old ways. Being lonely in my parents' basement wathcing tv all day and never interacting with actual human beings other than the occasional chat with a family member. Except I realize that I shouldn't worry about reverting to my old ways since I don't think I ever stopped acting the way I did before. Almost every summer I spend every long weekend by myself and what do I do? I watch tv all day long and feel sorry for myself. So maybe I haven't changed that much.
Okay, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I still have a long way to go but I have gained some experience and maybe even as ounce of confidence that I didn't have before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that lately I feel faced with all these big life changing decisions and its making me feel very scared and completely unsure about anything.
I feel I've messed up a lot in the last few years. Sometimes I wish I had grown just a little bit more.
But the truth is despite that, I've been okay. And for the most part I think I will be okay no matter what I choose to do.
So I should find ways to shake off those worries. And trust myself a little more.