(no subject)
depressed? confused? idk what you'd call it. it was perfect - gabrielle (one of my best friends) and i threw up together. we took laxatives together. we ate until we were sick together. shit, i'd even stand in the bathroom with her while she threw up. we recently started restricting together. not yesterday, but the day before, she called me bawling. she was in the shower and her mom made her open the door -- she throws up in the shower. i guess she had major binge and threw up in the toilet too. her mom opened the toilet. now, we can't really be "secret partners in crime" anymore. yesterday, i was at her house and we made diet plans. it's still big time restricting, but i guess i'll be throwing up alone. i wish i could stop, but i just don't have the strength and i want to be thin. i can't stop until i'm thin because without this i'd be a fuckin blimp. friends anyone? xox