Now this is ridiculous
I am still alive. May this post prove it. I doubt this is going to be a long entry. I've not updated in some six or seven months, which is ridiculous. I've never taken a hiatus this long before, and I don't mean for it to happen again (though no guarantees). You'd think perhaps I had nothing to write about, but quite the opposite. So much has happened in this time elapsed that I could fill pyramids with records of all I've been up to. ...God, that'd be cool actually. It's just that everything's been so out of control that finding a calm moment to sit down and write about it has been nearly impossible.
I need a life rethink. My current track sees me thunder over sweeping curves and sharp bends at speeds that threaten to derail me. I'm currently taking steps to attempt to rectify this, but in doing so something's been snapped awake again. A memory of a time when I sought the satisfaction of honest adventure. A lack of spouse or children means that I'm able to vacation around Europe almost completely at will, and have been doing precisely that (I'd like to go to Belgium later in the year - but now I'm also thinking Croatia before EU membership starts driving prices way up). It helps a lot, and I feel a lot closer to one of my aims which was to become truly European, and feel completely at home wandering those continental streets armed with the knowledge and experience of a seasoned European man. Ultimately though this is like trying to fill a deep hunger with some sponge cake. It might suppress, but it doesn't satisfy. I know what I have to do. I now have the experience and I have the money. But do I still have the will? Or have obtaining the former two robbed me of the latter?
I need to sleep now. Today I did something I hadn't done since my undergraduate days - just drive. Drive to think, drive to soothe. I drove somewhere I'd never been before, got out, and walked for miles to heaven knows where. I don't think it's physical exhaustion that's pushing me towards my bed though. Need to think. I have so much power now, so many options. I need the will to execute them. Somewhere in those occasional eruptions of life is the answer to what I really want. ...It better not be something like "Become Louis Armstrong", "Throw cards like Gambit from X-Men", or "Marry Dido" though. ...God, a card-throwing Louis Armstrong Dido husband. That'd be so cool. She wouldn't even need to change her surname. Wait! Didn't I specifically say I wasn't going here? Bed!
I need a life rethink. My current track sees me thunder over sweeping curves and sharp bends at speeds that threaten to derail me. I'm currently taking steps to attempt to rectify this, but in doing so something's been snapped awake again. A memory of a time when I sought the satisfaction of honest adventure. A lack of spouse or children means that I'm able to vacation around Europe almost completely at will, and have been doing precisely that (I'd like to go to Belgium later in the year - but now I'm also thinking Croatia before EU membership starts driving prices way up). It helps a lot, and I feel a lot closer to one of my aims which was to become truly European, and feel completely at home wandering those continental streets armed with the knowledge and experience of a seasoned European man. Ultimately though this is like trying to fill a deep hunger with some sponge cake. It might suppress, but it doesn't satisfy. I know what I have to do. I now have the experience and I have the money. But do I still have the will? Or have obtaining the former two robbed me of the latter?
I need to sleep now. Today I did something I hadn't done since my undergraduate days - just drive. Drive to think, drive to soothe. I drove somewhere I'd never been before, got out, and walked for miles to heaven knows where. I don't think it's physical exhaustion that's pushing me towards my bed though. Need to think. I have so much power now, so many options. I need the will to execute them. Somewhere in those occasional eruptions of life is the answer to what I really want. ...It better not be something like "Become Louis Armstrong", "Throw cards like Gambit from X-Men", or "Marry Dido" though. ...God, a card-throwing Louis Armstrong Dido husband. That'd be so cool. She wouldn't even need to change her surname. Wait! Didn't I specifically say I wasn't going here? Bed!