Rollin' on by
I'm more or less just checking in to prove I'm not dead. It may be Sunday, but I've got precious little time. Work progresses as it always does. I've passed my six month probation and have duly been installed as a permanent member of the team. I've got a long way to go before I'm the finished product though, I've learned some hard lessons about what it means to be a software developer. University does not make you into one, it only points you towards the path. There's a long way to trudge afterwards, and the incline is steep. Nevertheless, I keep on going.
I do worry I've been overdoing it though. The kinds of hours I work have been clobbering me, and yet I know there are those amongst you dear readers that work far far longer. I read with horror as some of you mention working 17 hour days when I myself feel like a juiced orange after 14. I know this is necessary in the modern world where people fight for jobs like Mad Max and co. fight for petrol, but this isn't easy to sustain. Still, as with all things, I keep on going.
I also worry I've done some damage to my core being. I thought I'd cracked the wife-desire problem recently, but I've been sliding back into apathy again. What worries me most is that on the rare occasion that I find someone very wifely indeed (as recently with a half-Italian half-Irish master bakeress) I don't become angry or upset when they turn out (as they inevitably do) to have a boyfriend, I just shrug and turn my mind away. To think my teens and twenties were littered with examples where I got very upset over such a thing. At the time I thought it would be great if it didn't have to be this way, but now that this time is here I fear it makes me less vital, less alive. I need to examine the end of the Japanese incident to see if maybe I took more damage from that than I had initially realised. At the time I thought I'd done a good job of turning away from it and looking for a career instead. I should be careful.
Ah curses. I had plenty more to talk about, but it's getting late in the day, and I have to go to work. I've a formidable workload ahead of me this week, and I intend to actually make it physically possible to achieve by spending the rest of the day in the office. Nevermind. I keep on going.
I do worry I've been overdoing it though. The kinds of hours I work have been clobbering me, and yet I know there are those amongst you dear readers that work far far longer. I read with horror as some of you mention working 17 hour days when I myself feel like a juiced orange after 14. I know this is necessary in the modern world where people fight for jobs like Mad Max and co. fight for petrol, but this isn't easy to sustain. Still, as with all things, I keep on going.
I also worry I've done some damage to my core being. I thought I'd cracked the wife-desire problem recently, but I've been sliding back into apathy again. What worries me most is that on the rare occasion that I find someone very wifely indeed (as recently with a half-Italian half-Irish master bakeress) I don't become angry or upset when they turn out (as they inevitably do) to have a boyfriend, I just shrug and turn my mind away. To think my teens and twenties were littered with examples where I got very upset over such a thing. At the time I thought it would be great if it didn't have to be this way, but now that this time is here I fear it makes me less vital, less alive. I need to examine the end of the Japanese incident to see if maybe I took more damage from that than I had initially realised. At the time I thought I'd done a good job of turning away from it and looking for a career instead. I should be careful.
Ah curses. I had plenty more to talk about, but it's getting late in the day, and I have to go to work. I've a formidable workload ahead of me this week, and I intend to actually make it physically possible to achieve by spending the rest of the day in the office. Nevermind. I keep on going.