Long time, no post
I'm off today - through the weekend - Woohoo! I figured, what the hell. I might be laid off in another couple of months but, I could use a little vacation now. No big plans - no money for big plans but at least I don't have to go into work.
Things are really slow right now.
There are rumors that we'll be shutting down our plant starting in September through the end of the year. I highly doubt we'd be shut down that long. I could see them doing it for maybe a month or so - but, not 4. Management has started to get really quiet lately when people ask about what we're going to do. My company builds logistical equipment for ports - trucks, forklifts, container handlers, etc. Right now, we only have enough trucks in the schedule to build through August. After that there is only a sprinkling of orders through the end of the year. There are tentative quotes out there for large orders but nothing near solid so we wait and wonder what the hell is going on. That's the hardest part - not knowing what's going to happen.
If I get laid off for awhile, we think we'll still be okay. Terry is going to go ahead & take a call from the Union when one comes in. That's some good money there - coupled with even my unemployment, will be okay for us. I could use the time to really buckle down for school too and help @ the kid's school as well. Just trying to find an up-side to all of this. We're hurting already for money since Terry's business is also suffering. There isn't much going on for him - so that's why he's willing to take a work call from the Union. It sucks - but, such is life right now as it is for many people all over the country.
Things elsewhere are calming down. I was stressing for quite awhile over my Mom and still do, to a certain extent. But, she is now settled into her new apartment, her wrist is healing (she broke it about 2 months ago) and she is actually starting to enjoy her new life - even helping with different activities in the complex she lives in. That - is certainly a load off. I'm happy for her as well. I wanted her to be able to start enjoying life again. She was just holing up in her apartment and boo-hooing about her life and her body. I'm hoping this is a pivotal point where she can start getting some quality out of her life while she's still capable in these very early stages of Alzheimers.I know it will get worse eventually but for now-it is good.
I have started seeing a therapist. Have only gone twice so far. I really like her. She is originally from London and there’s something soothing about her English accent. She’s a grandma and loves animals. Just a very comforting kind of person. Though, it’s odd to be sitting there with someone talking about just me and my life. We’ve talked a bit about my history and present. She thinks that I was most likely sexually abused as a child. I don’t know that to be true, but, it probably is and something that happened before I was adopted because for my whole life, I have always had this weird, uncomfortable feeling around fatherly type figures including my Step-Father. He never, ever, did anything or even make me feel like he would want to do anything. I just never could feel completely comfortable around him. Same goes for my Father-in-Law. He’s a sweetheart - never heart a fly but, I don’t feel too great when he wants to hug me or put his arms around me. He’s a loving man and likes to hug everyone. He means well, but it has an unsettling connotation to it (for me) that I can’t squelch. It’s just that way for me w/all older men. I don’t know where it comes from - I can’t explain it but, it’s there. I wish I had that truly loving relationship that daughters have w/their Fathers. I’m in awe of my Husband and my Daughter’s relationship. They are so in sync and have the same sense of humor. I’m very happy that my Daughter could have that kind of relationship w/her Dad. It’s important. I have resigned myself to the fact that I won’t have that. But, as in many things regarding my childhood - I may have gone w/out during my childhood (no close, loving relationship with my parents) but I have sworn to make that different for my children.
My last visit to my Therapist revealed that I have a mild depression. I hadn’t realized it until I got to talking about everything seems kinda ‘grey’ for me at the moment. No food really excites me, I have this sense of almost indifference about things at the moment. I try to look forward to things and get excited about stuff but it’s just not in me right now. It’s really just a very big BLAH moment in my life - the stress of all the other crap seems to have dulled things a bit. It sucks. So, she suggested that I look into visiting my Dr and trying Lexapro for awhile. I’ve done that before a few other times - when we were going through Terry’s heart surgery & recovery and right after my hysterectomy. It worked to get me through those times. So, I’ll give it a shot again this time.
I have another appt this afternoon. She talked about doing some imagery. Not sure what that is - but, I’m game.
The kid’s Birthdays are coming up. Ivy will be 15 and Connor will be 13. Blows my mind.