Perfectly happy.
They tell me that when I'm perfectly happy with myself, perfectly happy with where I am and what I'm doing and entirely fine and happy and at peace with myself being alone, that's when I'll meet someone. That's such BS. You want to know why? Because if you're actively trying to get to that place so that the person you are destined to be with will come along, then it won't happen, now will it?
Better to keep going through life, not so much looking, but keeping my heart open. Better to breathe and find my own kind of perfect happiness, even if that perfect isn't the same definition as everyone else's... And who knows? Maybe someday someone will come along and make the world seem better for me. Maybe I'll find my perfect happiness, even though I'm not sure I even believe that exists.
What I know is that I am happy with myself. I'm happy where I am and with what I'm doing and, even if I am alone for the rest of my life, it won't mean living a half life because I'm already a whole person. Or as close to whole as us imperfect beings ever get. And that's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what they mean when they say finding your center?
When I was a little girl, my favorite thing was to spin and spin and spin. I did it up until I was sixteen or seventeen, actually, and I learned, after much practice, that if I could find my center, I could spin far longer and that blissful spinny sensation would last for a bit more time than it normally would. The world was moving past me in a maelstrom, but I was there, held by gravity watching the beautiful melange of colors passing by my eyes.
I wonder who they are and why I listen to them so much. I doubt perfect exists, but I'll pretend like it might and keep on seeking until it finds me. I've found my axis and I'm turning with every moment in the direction I'm meant to go... But I still wonder why I stopped spinning. I wonder when the child in me grew up enough that spinning wasn't the most fun idea in my mind. Perhaps that's what I feel like I'm missing. Not the one... Just the part of me that still takes glee in feeling grown up concepts like momentum and force working their magic on me until, weary, dizzy and laughing, I fall onto the soft, waiting grass and look skyward to a pure, unending blue while the world tilts and spins around me.
Peace.
~M
Better to keep going through life, not so much looking, but keeping my heart open. Better to breathe and find my own kind of perfect happiness, even if that perfect isn't the same definition as everyone else's... And who knows? Maybe someday someone will come along and make the world seem better for me. Maybe I'll find my perfect happiness, even though I'm not sure I even believe that exists.
What I know is that I am happy with myself. I'm happy where I am and with what I'm doing and, even if I am alone for the rest of my life, it won't mean living a half life because I'm already a whole person. Or as close to whole as us imperfect beings ever get. And that's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what they mean when they say finding your center?
When I was a little girl, my favorite thing was to spin and spin and spin. I did it up until I was sixteen or seventeen, actually, and I learned, after much practice, that if I could find my center, I could spin far longer and that blissful spinny sensation would last for a bit more time than it normally would. The world was moving past me in a maelstrom, but I was there, held by gravity watching the beautiful melange of colors passing by my eyes.
I wonder who they are and why I listen to them so much. I doubt perfect exists, but I'll pretend like it might and keep on seeking until it finds me. I've found my axis and I'm turning with every moment in the direction I'm meant to go... But I still wonder why I stopped spinning. I wonder when the child in me grew up enough that spinning wasn't the most fun idea in my mind. Perhaps that's what I feel like I'm missing. Not the one... Just the part of me that still takes glee in feeling grown up concepts like momentum and force working their magic on me until, weary, dizzy and laughing, I fall onto the soft, waiting grass and look skyward to a pure, unending blue while the world tilts and spins around me.
Peace.
~M