boring drivel
i thought i ought to update the blog, since i've been so neglectful of this thing. the thing is, though, i just haven't been interested in writing much. sometimes i think about posting, and what i would say.. and i realize it either sounds pretentious or self-important or overdramatic or just whiney. and i'm not really down with sending that kind of message about myself to the public. writing is such a healthy and therapeutic way of releasing intense emotions, but at the same time, only writing when i'm feeling something intense (good or bad) really posits me as a completely unstable asshole, or something equally bad. and writing with completely calm and moderate feeling makes me totally boring. so it seems like there is no winning, and i'm going to suck at blogging no matter what.
on that note, i will throw in some life updates just for fun.
brian and i are getting married this july 28. that's pretty crazy/stressful/exciting. i had a bridal shower and bachelorette party recently. nothing fancy, just some cool ladies and family in central pennsylvania. there were some crazy bachelorette parties out and about in state college in their tiaras and sashes and glittery nonsense and plastic penis accessories. we didn't have any of that stuff. but we did take one group's That Guy deck on their way out, which made for a pretty amusing time at the Phyrst. if you haven't seen the cards, there's a site here: http://thatguygame.com/
pictures of our evening are on flickr.
work is super busy but i've been dragging and taking all day to get the littlest things complete. i have these great weeks and then long periods of zero motivation. guess which one i'm in now. i just had an annual review and they said very good things, including that i supposedly have great time management. i almost spit my coffee all over the place. if they only knew how much time i waste! i'm constantly checking and rechecking stupid web sites for anything new. i read blogs, look at myspace and facebook profiles, read the news, look for freebies at Slick Deals, giggle at Stuff on my Cat, eyeball the wedding registries, etc, etc. lather, rinse, repeat.
on a positive note.. i am feeling less anxious than i have in.. probably forever. i think it was just really truly acknowledging the problems i was having and talking through them at length with a professional. even though i don't like her style, the doctor whom i was seeing had some very productive initial talks with me about the root of the anxiety and what my perceptions are versus reality and the perceptions of others. the other major help was having to do a lot of lengthy telephone conversations with total strangers at work. i have to interview respectable members of the community for about 45 minutes at a time using an unstructured format in which i think of questions on the fly. that was completely terrifying for me at first, but doing it again and again has really given me a new sense of confidence. that's not at all to say i'm all cured and i can walk away never experiencing debilitating anxiety again. but i can honestly say i am feeling much better, and that is definitely something to smile about.
on a negative note.. just to balance things out.. i am freaking over the notion of getting roaches. i've been seeing them all over the nearby sidewalks at night when it's humid. our complex management, who is normally great and responsive, is supposed to spray all the apartments every month, but we haven't seen them forever. it's been in the 90's and i think they are way past due to be preventing outbreaks! my sole encounter with a roach in the apartment last summer left me huddled and bawling in a corner for hours, and i've been jumpy and neurotic since. i realize this is an extreme phobia and more my problem than that of the management, but if a contract says you're going to spray every month, you better damn well do it! gosh. anyway.. so yeah.. bugs. blargh. they're so huge and vile and .. yeah, new topic!
also, we've been meeting some cool kids here and there and sort of have a regular group going that we end up hanging with on most weekends. it's so good to have local friends again. it's hard having all the great people we know 4+ hours away, so i'm very excited about having a couple who are.. i don't know.. 15 minutes away?
i think that's enough boring drivel for now. take care, all!
on that note, i will throw in some life updates just for fun.
brian and i are getting married this july 28. that's pretty crazy/stressful/exciting. i had a bridal shower and bachelorette party recently. nothing fancy, just some cool ladies and family in central pennsylvania. there were some crazy bachelorette parties out and about in state college in their tiaras and sashes and glittery nonsense and plastic penis accessories. we didn't have any of that stuff. but we did take one group's That Guy deck on their way out, which made for a pretty amusing time at the Phyrst. if you haven't seen the cards, there's a site here: http://thatguygame.com/
pictures of our evening are on flickr.
work is super busy but i've been dragging and taking all day to get the littlest things complete. i have these great weeks and then long periods of zero motivation. guess which one i'm in now. i just had an annual review and they said very good things, including that i supposedly have great time management. i almost spit my coffee all over the place. if they only knew how much time i waste! i'm constantly checking and rechecking stupid web sites for anything new. i read blogs, look at myspace and facebook profiles, read the news, look for freebies at Slick Deals, giggle at Stuff on my Cat, eyeball the wedding registries, etc, etc. lather, rinse, repeat.
on a positive note.. i am feeling less anxious than i have in.. probably forever. i think it was just really truly acknowledging the problems i was having and talking through them at length with a professional. even though i don't like her style, the doctor whom i was seeing had some very productive initial talks with me about the root of the anxiety and what my perceptions are versus reality and the perceptions of others. the other major help was having to do a lot of lengthy telephone conversations with total strangers at work. i have to interview respectable members of the community for about 45 minutes at a time using an unstructured format in which i think of questions on the fly. that was completely terrifying for me at first, but doing it again and again has really given me a new sense of confidence. that's not at all to say i'm all cured and i can walk away never experiencing debilitating anxiety again. but i can honestly say i am feeling much better, and that is definitely something to smile about.
on a negative note.. just to balance things out.. i am freaking over the notion of getting roaches. i've been seeing them all over the nearby sidewalks at night when it's humid. our complex management, who is normally great and responsive, is supposed to spray all the apartments every month, but we haven't seen them forever. it's been in the 90's and i think they are way past due to be preventing outbreaks! my sole encounter with a roach in the apartment last summer left me huddled and bawling in a corner for hours, and i've been jumpy and neurotic since. i realize this is an extreme phobia and more my problem than that of the management, but if a contract says you're going to spray every month, you better damn well do it! gosh. anyway.. so yeah.. bugs. blargh. they're so huge and vile and .. yeah, new topic!
also, we've been meeting some cool kids here and there and sort of have a regular group going that we end up hanging with on most weekends. it's so good to have local friends again. it's hard having all the great people we know 4+ hours away, so i'm very excited about having a couple who are.. i don't know.. 15 minutes away?
i think that's enough boring drivel for now. take care, all!