the chronicles of hulkzilla
So, last night before bed I was fortunate enough to spot a spider the size of a golf ball scurrying around my room. And when I say scurrying, I mean sitting blithely on my carpet, staring at nothing and apparently chilling. This thing was pretty much baby tarantula size. I stuck a jar over it, slid a piece of cardstock under the jar, and flipped the whole thing over to observe this monstrosity.
That achieved, I found out that this thing was also angry. It started rearing up and waving its fangs at me. I did a frantic google search and discovered that what I had found was, in actuality, a wolf spider. Imagine my joy and elation at finding a wolf spider of this size! I went online and spoke to a friend about it, even. In a smooth, intellectual way.
Ivy: DOOOOOD
Ivy: SO GIANT SPIDER
Ivy: GIIIANT SPIDER IN MY ROOM
Ivy: Swear to god like a BABY TARANTULA
LV: 0_0
Ivy: It is in a jar and it is ANGRY
Ivy: I'm trying to decide wtf it is
LV: .....uh, keep it in the jar and let it die out?
Ivy: Okaaay, looks like we've got a wolf spider
LV: OH FUCK I HATE THOSE
Ivy: IT'S SO BIG
Ivy: SO ANGRY
LV: They're huge and like..the badass cousins of Tarantulas!
Ivy: They are!
Ivy: It keeps rearing up and waving its fangs at me
LV: Yeah I'd leave it in the jar....with like...books on top of it
LV: in fact, build an impenatrable fort of heavy duty books around it
You may be comforted to know that I simply released it into the wild. I hardly ever kill spiders. It is because, as a small child, I was greatly influenced by Charlotte's Web and James and the Giant Peach, in which spiders lamented their sad fate and talked about how useful they are by killing mosquitoes and flies, and people only hate them for it. Yes, but have you looked at yourselves lately, guys? You're fucking creepy. There's something about you that makes people go EEUURGH.
That done, I decided I had to name it something. Something appropriately fearsome. I decided to call it Hulkzilla. "There are no words in the English language to describe how very, very fearsome I am," I explained to LV, "SO. You must MAKE ONE UP. A word like HULKZILLA. But not even this most potent of words can truly describe how very, very fearsome I am."
Although, we do have a blue-tailed skink in residence, so perhaps Hulkzilla's days are numbered.
That achieved, I found out that this thing was also angry. It started rearing up and waving its fangs at me. I did a frantic google search and discovered that what I had found was, in actuality, a wolf spider. Imagine my joy and elation at finding a wolf spider of this size! I went online and spoke to a friend about it, even. In a smooth, intellectual way.
Ivy: DOOOOOD
Ivy: SO GIANT SPIDER
Ivy: GIIIANT SPIDER IN MY ROOM
Ivy: Swear to god like a BABY TARANTULA
LV: 0_0
Ivy: It is in a jar and it is ANGRY
Ivy: I'm trying to decide wtf it is
LV: .....uh, keep it in the jar and let it die out?
Ivy: Okaaay, looks like we've got a wolf spider
LV: OH FUCK I HATE THOSE
Ivy: IT'S SO BIG
Ivy: SO ANGRY
LV: They're huge and like..the badass cousins of Tarantulas!
Ivy: They are!
Ivy: It keeps rearing up and waving its fangs at me
LV: Yeah I'd leave it in the jar....with like...books on top of it
LV: in fact, build an impenatrable fort of heavy duty books around it
You may be comforted to know that I simply released it into the wild. I hardly ever kill spiders. It is because, as a small child, I was greatly influenced by Charlotte's Web and James and the Giant Peach, in which spiders lamented their sad fate and talked about how useful they are by killing mosquitoes and flies, and people only hate them for it. Yes, but have you looked at yourselves lately, guys? You're fucking creepy. There's something about you that makes people go EEUURGH.
That done, I decided I had to name it something. Something appropriately fearsome. I decided to call it Hulkzilla. "There are no words in the English language to describe how very, very fearsome I am," I explained to LV, "SO. You must MAKE ONE UP. A word like HULKZILLA. But not even this most potent of words can truly describe how very, very fearsome I am."
Although, we do have a blue-tailed skink in residence, so perhaps Hulkzilla's days are numbered.