and here are my thought on yaoi- er...shipping
I feel much better today. I was honestly worried it would get much worse and I'd spend today puking my guts out instead of just being nauseous, so I am glad to be proven very wrong. Still don't really feel up to eating, not out of nausea but because my digestive system has that delicate, post-flu feeling. Perhaps crackers.
In the meantime, I've been trying to think about what makes me ship something. I ship (like ultra-hard ship it like burning) very rarely, and when I do, I've noticed it's either doomed ships or foe-yay or both. Rarely do I decide to invest myself in a main couple. Sometimes, I think it's because I find them boring or obvious in some way. So, let's see.
Tension and Conflict: I think it's difficult for me to ship a couple when there are no real obstacles in their way and no tension in their relationship. I like seeing a couple hit rocky patches together, maybe break up for a bit and then get back together again, or maybe even have trouble fitting their personalities together. It makes it much more of a real relationship and far more interesting for me to follow. I especially like the conflict that comes of two strong personalities and viewpoints bouncing themselves off of each other.
Reciprocity: It is difficult for me to ship something that is taken for granted as mutual, but seems very one-sided. That isn't to say that I won't love a one-sided crush, but it has to be portrayed that way. Giving me a supposedly loving relationship and having one partner seem to be not that into it is a good way to make me drop out of the pairing. Sometimes this is the case of normal dude, awesome woman- in which normal dude crushes like mad on awesome woman and she gives in at the end...but not in any way that makes me buy she's fallen for him, head over heels in love, you know? The gender reverse works, too- this time it's normal girl and mysterious and distant older man.
Part of the problem in this is that the relationship is mostly dictated by one partner in the narrative and we don't see the POV of the other, so there's nothing to reaffirm their feelings. It's frustrating to watch.
Respect: I need relationships built on mutual respect for me to ship them. Doesn't mean they have to think their partner is right about everything or never think their partner is being a bit of an idiot, but I absolutely can not ship something where one partner infantilizes the other, doesn't trust their mental or emotional capacities, treats them as a an inferior (without their consent) or in any way doesn't treat them as an equal. Same goes for relationships in which one partner worships the other like mad and thinks of them as a supreme higher being and always puts that partner first before everything. Power imbalances outside of the realm of a BDSM relationship squick me out.
What I do like, one of my bulletproof kinks, is mutual fangirl/boying. Where both partners think the other is super-awesome and amazing and constantly admire the other's handiwork. I get sucked in HARD to that dynamic. That, and the weird sort of respect that long-time enemies have for each other sometimes. Although, with enemy couples there needs to be a sense of affection in there, too, or at least redeeming qualities to the villain partner.
Chemistry: I know some people think this is a nonsense descriptor for relationships, but I honestly think it's important. To me, it pretty much boils down to body language and tone in a visual media, how the couple physically reacts to each other. Glances, expressions, proximity, etc. In written media it's more difficult, but I would pin it down to the way they converse with each other and the flow of the dialogue. Strong chemistry is a must for me to hit the OMG SHIP IT HARD point.
Maturity: Maturity imbalances squick me out HARD. I really hate watching a couple that consists of someone who seems very mature (either an adult or mature for their age) dating someone who reads as a child. This doesn't necessarily have to do with age, although that plays a part because I also don't ship anyone below the age of consent with an actual adult.
It could apply to a couple of teenagers in which one is shown as very mature and the other one acts like a goofy kid or needs to be 'taken care of' by the other in a parental way. I like couples that are more on the level in terms of maturity- could be an adult with a very mature teenager, two goofy kids, two mature adults, even a mature adult and an otherwise mature adult who likes to act like a kid, but none of this parent-child nonsense. (Another of my must have equality issues, I think.)
Alright, and here are basic ship scenarios that just tug at me hard:
~Conman/conwoman with a heart of gold, bonus points for pairing them with someone who can usually see through them but eventually gets conned anyway, extra bonus points for them being emotionally awkward and not good with this love issue.
~Frenemies! People who are ideological enemies for the most part, but still respect and even sometimes admire each other. Enemies who will attend each other's funerals with flowers in an unironic way, who constantly think about each other all the damn time, who set each other up as the standard to beat, and who are written as foils to each other in the narrative.
~Guy falls hopelessly in love with oblivious girl and expresses himself through entirely harmless means. (No stalking, no cursing her out, respecting her boundaries, no slut-shaming her, etc.) This one is definitely het couple only, I admit, but it's so refreshing in male-female relationships that we see a dude NOT acting like a total tool towards the girl he supposedly likes.
~Partners. People who trust each other implicitly, fight well together, and are practically are perfectly choreographed to each other. Usually are soldiers or warriors or police officers or something.
~ Queen to Knight: Strong, capable, commanding woman and her 'champion'. Not because she needs rescued or is shown as in any way weak, because the power dynamics don't work that way. The 'knight' is the physically strong fighter, but the queen is the one pulling the strings, the one with control. It balances. Gender reverse this and I ship it, too.
~This one I am so ashamed of but I love it when a villain gets a heart by eventually loving a good person. It has to be done quite carefully, but god I fall for this so shamefully, I admit it.
In the meantime, I've been trying to think about what makes me ship something. I ship (like ultra-hard ship it like burning) very rarely, and when I do, I've noticed it's either doomed ships or foe-yay or both. Rarely do I decide to invest myself in a main couple. Sometimes, I think it's because I find them boring or obvious in some way. So, let's see.
Tension and Conflict: I think it's difficult for me to ship a couple when there are no real obstacles in their way and no tension in their relationship. I like seeing a couple hit rocky patches together, maybe break up for a bit and then get back together again, or maybe even have trouble fitting their personalities together. It makes it much more of a real relationship and far more interesting for me to follow. I especially like the conflict that comes of two strong personalities and viewpoints bouncing themselves off of each other.
Reciprocity: It is difficult for me to ship something that is taken for granted as mutual, but seems very one-sided. That isn't to say that I won't love a one-sided crush, but it has to be portrayed that way. Giving me a supposedly loving relationship and having one partner seem to be not that into it is a good way to make me drop out of the pairing. Sometimes this is the case of normal dude, awesome woman- in which normal dude crushes like mad on awesome woman and she gives in at the end...but not in any way that makes me buy she's fallen for him, head over heels in love, you know? The gender reverse works, too- this time it's normal girl and mysterious and distant older man.
Part of the problem in this is that the relationship is mostly dictated by one partner in the narrative and we don't see the POV of the other, so there's nothing to reaffirm their feelings. It's frustrating to watch.
Respect: I need relationships built on mutual respect for me to ship them. Doesn't mean they have to think their partner is right about everything or never think their partner is being a bit of an idiot, but I absolutely can not ship something where one partner infantilizes the other, doesn't trust their mental or emotional capacities, treats them as a an inferior (without their consent) or in any way doesn't treat them as an equal. Same goes for relationships in which one partner worships the other like mad and thinks of them as a supreme higher being and always puts that partner first before everything. Power imbalances outside of the realm of a BDSM relationship squick me out.
What I do like, one of my bulletproof kinks, is mutual fangirl/boying. Where both partners think the other is super-awesome and amazing and constantly admire the other's handiwork. I get sucked in HARD to that dynamic. That, and the weird sort of respect that long-time enemies have for each other sometimes. Although, with enemy couples there needs to be a sense of affection in there, too, or at least redeeming qualities to the villain partner.
Chemistry: I know some people think this is a nonsense descriptor for relationships, but I honestly think it's important. To me, it pretty much boils down to body language and tone in a visual media, how the couple physically reacts to each other. Glances, expressions, proximity, etc. In written media it's more difficult, but I would pin it down to the way they converse with each other and the flow of the dialogue. Strong chemistry is a must for me to hit the OMG SHIP IT HARD point.
Maturity: Maturity imbalances squick me out HARD. I really hate watching a couple that consists of someone who seems very mature (either an adult or mature for their age) dating someone who reads as a child. This doesn't necessarily have to do with age, although that plays a part because I also don't ship anyone below the age of consent with an actual adult.
It could apply to a couple of teenagers in which one is shown as very mature and the other one acts like a goofy kid or needs to be 'taken care of' by the other in a parental way. I like couples that are more on the level in terms of maturity- could be an adult with a very mature teenager, two goofy kids, two mature adults, even a mature adult and an otherwise mature adult who likes to act like a kid, but none of this parent-child nonsense. (Another of my must have equality issues, I think.)
Alright, and here are basic ship scenarios that just tug at me hard:
~Conman/conwoman with a heart of gold, bonus points for pairing them with someone who can usually see through them but eventually gets conned anyway, extra bonus points for them being emotionally awkward and not good with this love issue.
~Frenemies! People who are ideological enemies for the most part, but still respect and even sometimes admire each other. Enemies who will attend each other's funerals with flowers in an unironic way, who constantly think about each other all the damn time, who set each other up as the standard to beat, and who are written as foils to each other in the narrative.
~Guy falls hopelessly in love with oblivious girl and expresses himself through entirely harmless means. (No stalking, no cursing her out, respecting her boundaries, no slut-shaming her, etc.) This one is definitely het couple only, I admit, but it's so refreshing in male-female relationships that we see a dude NOT acting like a total tool towards the girl he supposedly likes.
~Partners. People who trust each other implicitly, fight well together, and are practically are perfectly choreographed to each other. Usually are soldiers or warriors or police officers or something.
~ Queen to Knight: Strong, capable, commanding woman and her 'champion'. Not because she needs rescued or is shown as in any way weak, because the power dynamics don't work that way. The 'knight' is the physically strong fighter, but the queen is the one pulling the strings, the one with control. It balances. Gender reverse this and I ship it, too.
~This one I am so ashamed of but I love it when a villain gets a heart by eventually loving a good person. It has to be done quite carefully, but god I fall for this so shamefully, I admit it.