Fic: Old Hideaway (Supernatural) - Part III
|Master Fic Post| |Part One| |Part Two| |Part Three|
|Master Art Post|
Part Three
~*~
Jared didn't catch Jensen until after taps, up on Winships. He couldn't stay long-he and Tom were leaving with six campers, a van, and a trailer with two aluminum canoes before dawn tomorrow-but he had to see Jensen before he left.
Jensen was at the fire with Chris. When Jared approached, Jensen scooted over to give him room to sit on the log. There wasn't quite enough log left, though, and Jared ended up pressing his thigh against Jensen's. Maybe that had been the point. He couldn't help brushing a finger against Jensen's leg with the pretense of finding his balance.
Jensen smiled at him, but turned back to Chris. Chris was giving him that look again and Jared couldn't help looking away, even though he knew that, even if Chris suspected something, he hadn't told anyone.
They hung out there for a little bit, Chris giving Jensen a blow by blow recounting of the drama with Frog and Jensen riposting with the Rousters' failed prank attempt on the campers at Ohana (something about spray paint and duck footprints-Jared wasn't too clear on the details, too distracted by the sound of Jensen's voice), but Jensen made no move to drag Jared off alone. Maybe that was for the best. They would hardly go unnoticed tonight. But Jensen wanted to tell him about talking to Jeff. He wanted to ask him about what they would do after camp ended-but maybe that was too clingy, like asking for a ring on the first date. All Jensen'd done so far was kiss him. Jared looked at Jensen's mouth, currently engaged in talking to Chris, and really wanted to kiss it again.
When it got close to eleven, Jared knew he had to pull himself away from the fire and the warmth of Jensen's body. "Alright, dudes, I gotta head out."
"Kay," Chris said, "I'll try to keep Lizard from burning down the shack while you're gone."
Jared laughed.
"Gone?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah, he's got the five-day with Tom."
"Gotta get up at the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow. At least Tom's driving so I can sleep in the van." Jared said lightly. That must be why Jensen hadn't made an attempt to get him alone-he'd forgotten Jared would be away for a while.
"Well," Jensen said, turning his gaze fully on Jared for the first time that evening. "Have fun, then. Don't crash any canoes."
Jared was caught in that gaze for a moment. It was like Jensen was trying to tell him something, but Jared didn't think he was on the same frequency. "I will. And I don't think you can crash a canoe."
"Stranger things have happened," Chris interjected. "Remember that one time with Mike-"
"Yeah," Jensen said, glancing quickly at Chris. He looked back at Jared and for a moment Jared thought he would say something, company be damned, but then he just chucked Jared in the shoulder and turned to Chris. "I can understand running one canoe aground in the rapids. But how'd he ever manage two?"
The sound of his voice faded as Jared headed back down the trail. Whatever Jensen had wanted to say, he'd have to hold the thought. Jared knew he'd be thinking about it.
~*~
The trouble with portaging, Jared thought, was that he was too damn tall. Usually each canoe was carried by two people, splitting the weight, but Tom was carrying their tent and all the food and none of the campers were even close to his height. Which meant that he was carrying one aluminum canoe all by himself on the mile stretch where the river's rapids were too difficult to navigate.
If he got it properly balanced, it wasn't so bad, despite the weight. As long as he didn't have to turn. Or change speed. Or go uphill. Or downhill. Or step over anything. Or avoid any low-hanging branches. Okay, so maybe it was so bad.
In deference to his heroic efforts (and sore shoulders), Jared didn't have to paddle for the rest of the day. It was actually quite peaceful, sitting in the middle of the canoe, leaning against the thwart, using the life jackets they'd long since stopped wearing as cushions, and letting the sun soak into him. He couldn't help wishing that Jensen were here to enjoy it with him.
"So," Jared said that evening, as he and Tom were using a trickle of their precious water supply to rinse off the pots. "You and Jensen go way back, huh?"
"Yeah. Me, Jensen, and Mike. We were all campers together, then Rousters together. Now we're all department heads-kind of a camp dynasty." He wiped his hands on his shorts to dry them. After a few days without running water, they were all looking a little worse for wear. "Man," Tom continued. "It's gonna suck next summer without him around."
Jared had lost the thread of the conversation. "What do you mean?"
"Jensen's swan song, man." He looked up at Jared. "You didn't know? Yeah, it's his last summer. We all just graduated college in the spring. I'm starting Teach for America in the fall, I don't think Mike has a clue what he's doing. And Jensen's got some sweet consulting job waiting for him. Those types of places, they don't let you take off two months every summer." He sat back, relaxing now that the chores were done. "Obviously he's the only one of us with any brains."
Tom laughed at that and Jared joined him, but he didn't feel like laughing. He'd been hoping that whatever happened between now and closing day, at least he'd see Jensen next summer. Some part of him had been hoping he'd see Jensen every summer, though he knew they couldn't stay counselors forever. But now it looked like two weeks was all the time he had-less than a week and a half once they got back. And that wasn't any time at all.
"I mean, we still get together during the rest of the year sometimes, but it's not the same as here. Nothing's ever the same as here, you know?"
"Yeah," Jared said. "I know."
~*~
They got back to camp right before dinner. Jared stank. He'd always thought that a person would get used to their own smell after being exposed to it constantly, but apparently not. After five days of carrying canoes and paddling and setting up and striking camp and no showers at all, he reeked. He hadn't even been able to wash his hands other than by dipping them in the freezing river and scrubbing them with biodegradable soap. He hadn't shaved either, and now had a full, scruffy beard. He felt sticky and gritty and gross, and knew that if the sweat smell wasn't bad enough on its own, he'd also gotten a pretty thorough coating of mud on the last night when it had rained.
At least he wasn't the only one. They were all looking pretty ratty.
When they pulled up, a small crowd was waiting, and they erupted into applause when the beleaguered campers climbed out. A few raised their fists in triumph-even by camp standards, going on a five-day trip made you hardcore. Jared grinned through his fatigue. He really had enjoyed himself; these types of trips were part of the reason he'd applied to this camp. He wanted to push himself, and develop the kind of camaraderie that only came from scrambling to set up the tarps before their campsite turned into a puddle.
As Jared stretched his back from the long drive, he scanned the crowd. There was Jensen, smiling at him and clapping his hands. "Hey, Jensen!" Jared yelled, then charged him.
"Yuck, dude! You're completely nasty." Jensen tried to dodge Jared's outstretched arms, but it didn't seem like he was trying too hard.
"Yup," Jared said, then engulfed him in a full body hug. A chorus of "ew!"s broke out from the surrounding campers, pitying Jensen's stinky fate, but Jensen didn't seem to mind. For a moment, it felt almost like he was nuzzling Jared's neck. "You're scratchy," Jensen whispered, as he rubbed against Jared's face fur.
Jared didn't want to, but he pulled back, knowing that holding on any longer wouldn't look right to their audience.
"Glad you're back, man," Jensen said, clapping his shoulder. "Now shower before you kill someone."
"What," Jared said innocently. "I smell bad?" He raised his arm and dramatically sniffed his armpit. This got another chorus of ew's from the campers. "Nope, smells like roses and baby powder. Want a sniff?" The effect was somewhat ruined when Jared couldn't get through the whole sentence without a small cough. Wow, it really was overpowering.
"That's okay," Jensen said, backing away.
Jared smiled, then turned again to head to the showers.
"Oh, hey," Jensen called him back. "We had counselor meeting while you were gone. I put us down for the same day off. That cool with you?"
"Yeah," Jared said, a little hoarsely. "That's…that's awesome."
~*~
Jensen wouldn't tell him where they were going. They'd hit the road shortly after reveille. Jensen even ran up to Jared's tent to make sure he'd gotten out of his sleeping bag on time, which he hadn't. When they got to Jensen's car, Jared saw that he'd tucked a cooler in the back, probably stuffed with cold cuts stolen from the kitchen. They drove on local roads for an hour and a half, only stopping at a liquor store for a couple of six-packs, until they pulled up to a small landing on Lake Champlain.
"Hey," Jensen said. "This place rents sailboats. I thought we could take one out for the day."
Jensen looked so eager, but Jared couldn't help ribbing him. "We drove all this way to go sailing? Don't you do that every day?"
"Well," Jensen said, suddenly unsure, "I mean, we could go to Burlington, instead, or-"
"Relax. It sounds awesome. Show me your stuff, sailor boy."
Jensen led the negotiation for the boat. All they could get for the day was a Hobie, which judging from Jensen's expression, was not what he'd wanted. "I was hoping we could get a sailfish, or something. Small, maneuverable, really get some speed going."
"With racing stripes up the side?" Jared joked.
"Hobies, though. They are the minivan of small sailboats." Jensen looked disapprovingly at the blue boat tied to the dock. It looked fine to Jared-small, but big enough to fit three or four people. There was a sunken area in the middle of the boat with benches. "See," Jensen said, pointing out at the lake. "That's what I'm talking about." Jared followed the direction of his finger and saw a small one man boat skimming along the water. It didn't look much larger than a surfboard. A strong wind blew across the lake, cresting the water into waves-a perfect day for sailing. Jared could imagine Jensen guiding the small boat gracefully, as he had on that first day of camp. He could also imagine himself wrapped around the mast like a limpet, holding on for dear life. No, the Hobie was fine by him.
It took a little while for Jensen to get the rigging set up. At first he tried to enlist Jared's help, showing him a few knots with his elegant fingers, but soon gave up. If Jared helped, they might not get out on the water before sunset.
When everything was finally ready, Jensen reached to throw off the painter, then stopped and squinted his eyes at Jared. "Something's missing," he said, then lifted up one of the bench seats to search underneath.
"What? We've got enough beer and sandwiches in the cooler. I brought the sunscreen, I don't think we're missing any-" Jared was cut off as a bright orange object hit him in the chest. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me."
"Put it on." Jensen gestured to the life vest.
"You're not wearing one!" Jared whined.
"I'm an experienced sailor. You're not. No life vest, no sailing."
"I passed your stupid drown-proofing test at the beginning of the summer, remember? You can't be serious." Jensen just raised an eyebrow. Jared huffed, reluctantly slipping his arms into the vest. "If I get weird tan lines I'm blaming you."
It wasn't until Jensen turned away to loose the boat from the dock that Jared saw his sternness crack and a smile slip through. "Oh, you jerk!" Jared thought about throwing his shoe at Jensen, but could easily picture losing it over the side and limping all the way back to camp. He slipped off the life vest and grumpily sat on it as Jensen pointed them out towards the center of the lake, letting the wind pull them along.
Jared relaxed, watching Jensen expertly work the sail. He didn't lean out over the water as he had that first day, but Jared took the opportunity to admire the muscles in his arms and back as he strained against the wind. Once they were far out from the shore, no other boats in sight, Jensen encouraged Jared to lie on his stomach on the prow. Now, when they turned into the wind, he felt like he was flying, inches above the water, a fine spray peppering his cheeks. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the sensation of speed.
Jared turned his head back towards Jensen and yelled over the wind, "I think I know why you enjoy this!"
Jensen was staring at him as if he couldn't bring himself to pull his eyes away. "Hey, come back here a sec," he said. "You're starting to burn."
Jared wiggled his way back to the other side of the mast, skin sticking uncomfortably to the skin of the boat. Jensen tied off the sail so they could just float for a little bit, rocking at the water's mercy. He pulled the sunscreen out of their bag. "Turn around," he said and Jared obediently turned to face the front of the boat, resting his chin on his arms, torso twisted sideways on the seat. He heard Jensen open the bottle and squirt some into his hands. After the roar of the rushing wind as they'd sailed out here, the sudden silence felt awkward, drawn tight.
He startled a little bit at the first touch of Jensen's fingers. "'S cold," he murmured, thankful that Jensen couldn't see his nipples hardening. Jensen applied the lotion slowly, rubbing it into his skin with more attention than strictly necessary. As he worked his hands down Jared's back, brushing the top of his swimsuit and sweeping up his sides, Jared's breath hitched. The hands paused, resting gently against his back, fingers paralleling his shoulder blades. Jensen must be right behind him, barely a breath away; Jared could feel the heat from his skin, and the awareness raised gooseflesh on his arms.
The next few moments could change everything. Jensen could pull his hands away, turn back to the sail, grab a beer, pretend that this was just a day hanging out with a buddy. Even though that would be fun, Jared thought back to that kiss on top of Winships and knew that, more than anything, he wanted Jensen to keep touching him.
He pushed himself back into Jensen's hands, slowly, like he was trying not to startle an animal. He felt Jensen release a small puff of air against his neck when he reached back to take one of Jensen's hands and guide it to his chest. To his nipple. Jensen ran a finger across the tight nub and Jared felt a bolt of sensation go straight to his cock. He felt like his heart was trying to beat out of his chest. Jensen had to feel it, too.
Jensen left his hand there, brushing slowly, then reached around with his other hand, pressing himself into Jared's back until they were caught there in an awkward embrace, perched on the bench. Jared had never felt bolder in his life, or more terrified. He couldn't believe he'd had the guts to move them this far, and he knew he wanted to take it further, but he had no idea how.
Jensen pressed lightly on Jared's shoulder, turning him. He had to pull back slightly to manage it in the cramped quarters. For a moment he felt hopelessly awkward, all gangly limbs as he had been when he'd hit his first growth spurt and spent months stubbing his toes on doorways and chairs. Then he saw the fire in Jensen's eyes, still so close, and forgot everything else.
Slowly, Jensen pulled up Jared's thigh so it was propped on the bench, cradling his hips. Jensen pressed a hand to his chest, still holding himself a millimeter away. Jared wanted to lunge up at him but even more he wanted to see what Jensen had in mind. "Lay back," Jensen whispered. "The boom." He indicated the metal beam at the base of the main sail. Jared had completely forgotten about it. Facing into the wind as they were, the canvas of the sail only rippled loosely. But if a sudden gust caught it, it would send the sail across the ship, fast enough to hit someone sitting there in the head, maybe even knock them overboard.
His thoughts were soon drawn away from the sail as Jensen lowered his weight onto him. They were pressed chest to thighs, all heat and sweat in the afternoon sunlight. It was extremely awkward-Jared had one leg jammed into the floor to support Jensen's weight; Jensen must be using his toes to brace himself against the rudder-but Jared didn't care.
This kiss was completely different from the last one. Jensen tasted like beer and wind; when Jared wrapped his hand around Jensen's head, brushing through the golden strands, he felt like he was kissing the sun, heat and light and fire.
They lay, tangled, pressing against each other, stroking tanned skin, exploring. The only sounds were the waves lapping against the hull and their mingled panting breaths.
Jensen fumbled his hand between them, brushing Jared's cock. Jared couldn't help thrusting with his hips, letting out a choked groan. The motion felt exquisite, pushing him against Jensen through two layers of nylon.
Jensen hooked his fingers under the elastic band and pulled back from the kiss. "Lift up." He smiled wolfishly. "You're going to enjoy this."
Jared lifted his hips and Jensen yanked the swim trunks down, catching mid-thigh on his splayed legs. He sank down till he was crouching in the boat, the motion pushing the cooler aside with a scrape.
It felt decadent, insane, lying there, exposed, in broad daylight where anyone could see. But the only gaze he cared about right now was Jensen's, and Jensen was staring up at him, eyes full of want and joy, sharing this moment of connection, completely suspended.
Then heat engulfed his cock. Jared wanted to watch, to see his cock disappearing into that perfect mouth, but he couldn't help arching his back, eyes squeezed shut. "Oh, god," he groaned. Then as Jensen pressed his tongue to the underside of his cock, he said it again, loudly echoing over the open water.
It was over far too fast. He barely got out a warning, stuttering Jensen's name, but Jensen didn't pull back, swallowing over him, then gently pulling off. He had a moment, staring at Jensen, spit and come glistening over his chin, to be overwhelmed by shame. What had he just done? Lying out here, exposed, coming too quickly, Jensen must think he was so foolish.
Then Jensen was lunging up his body, covering his mouth in a sloppy kiss that tasted of Jared's cum, and rutting against his hip frantically, threatening to capsize the boat.
Jensen grabbed Jared's wrist, pushing it toward his own cock, still hard beneath his trunks. Jared pushed his hand under the waistband, wrapping his fingers around the hot flesh. He felt completely overwhelmed again, no idea what he was expected to do. Then Jensen let out a whine and pushed himself through Jared's loose fingers. This Jared had some idea how to do-had done it on himself enough times-but it took some getting used to, doing it for someone else. Whatever he was doing seemed to be working, though. Jensen thrust against him, two, three times, then came with a groan, splattering cum all over Jared's stomach. Jared watched his face as Jensen gasped out his release. He'd never seen anything so beautiful.
They lay for a while, slowing recovering their breath. Then Jared's foot cramped where it was pushing against the side of the boat and he noticed how his shorts were cutting off circulation in his legs. Jensen looked at him with returning awareness, then slowly pushed himself off Jared's chest so he was sitting, legs still tangled with Jared's.
He looked at Jared expectantly. Jared had no idea what the post-friendly-blowjob-on-a-sailboat etiquette was. Like he always did in such situations, he said the first thing that popped into his head. "My ass is in a puddle."
Jensen looked shocked for a second, then burst out laughing. "Your ass is in a puddle? Oh my god, you're such a doofus." Jensen lunged at him, and before he knew what was happening, Jared found himself being rolled overboard.
The water was a shock to his system, finally bringing back on board all the senses made hazy with sex. He made a panicked grab for his swim suit, which was slowly making its way down past his knees. "Hey!" he yelled. "I could've lost my shorts! Then I'd've had to return the boat buck naked!"
"That'll teach you to be grateful after a blowjob!" Jensen reached to the back of the boat, un-looping a coil of rope.
Jared's eyes widened. "Don't you dare sail off and leave me here!"
"No?" Jensen said coyly. He moved toward the front of the boat, then chucked Jared's much hated life vest at his head. "I told you you should keep that on."
"Thanks a lot," Jared groaned, grabbing onto the life jacket. It actually made it harder to tread water while keeping a grip on it as it tried to bob away. He noticed some blobs of white on the nylon and quickly rinsed them off. He hoped the rental place wouldn't notice. That would be awkward.
"Grab on," Jensen said, tossing him the painter he'd used to tie the boat to the dock. Jared pulled himself back towards the boat and chucked the life vest on board, trying to hit Jensen in the head, and missing. Now that he'd had a moment to get used to it, the water was actually wonderfully refreshing, cutting through the heat of the day. It also gave Jared a chance to wash away the evidence of what they'd just done, for which he was grateful.
He grabbed onto the side of the boat, using his arms to pull himself up. Jensen leaned against the other side to counterbalance him and keep the boat from tipping over. As fun as that would be, Jared didn't really want all that beer to end up at the bottom of the lake.
As Jared swung a leg over the side and maneuvered himself back into the relatively dry boat, Jensen watched him. "You're gorgeous, you know that? Like some kind of renaissance sculpture."
"David with a farmer's tan?" Jared tried to brush off the unexpected compliment.
"No, seriously. I think you're the hottest guy I've ever seen."
Jared ducked his head. "I'm just a big dork. You, though, first time I saw you sailing, you looked like a Greek god."
"Seriously?" Jensen laughed. "I'm not too scrawny-looking?"
"Do you own a mirror? God, your arms alone."
"My arms, what? Don’t I get an ode out of this?"
"Shut up," Jared said and swung the wet life jacket at him, connecting with a wet smack.
They settled in for the sail back to the mainland. Jared felt sleepy and content, his release still humming through his body, combining with the heat from the sun to make him feel warm all over. He didn't think he'd ever had a better day than this one. He wanted to tell Jensen that, but thought he might sound stupid.
Jensen sat next to Jared, leaning against his chest, drawing Jared's arms around him in a loose embrace, one hand on the rudder. "What," Jared said, idly stroking his arm. "You don't have to stand this time?"
"That?" Jensen said with a shrug. "That was just showing off."
Jared jostled him slightly, not willing to dislodge him. Holding Jensen just felt too good. "If you only knew, man," he said with a yawn. "I've wanted to get in your pants since the first day of camp. Didn't think I even had a shot though."
Jensen turned to catch his eye. "You kidding? I've been restraining myself from jumping you for weeks. You with your hugging, and hiding in enclosed spaces and licking! Seriously, licking! You're lucky I didn't assault you right there where any passing hiker could see."
"Really?" Jared said. That should've been enough, but the sun and beer and sex loosened his tongue. "When did you first…you know. Know that you wanted me?" As soon as he said it he wished he hadn't. Mostly because he was suddenly afraid of what Jensen would say, that he hadn't wanted Jared, that this was some sort of game. And maybe a little because he'd wanted to end that question another way entirely.
"Okay. It was at the dance, last night of pre-camp. You were dancing to the Spice Girls." Jared burst out laughing, shaking Jensen against him. "You were dancing with Alona. Man, I was so jealous."
"You wanted to be making an ass out of yourself dancing to the Spice Girls?"
"No. Idiot."
~*~
They returned the boat mid-afternoon. The owner didn't even give them a second glance, even though they couldn't stop laughing and brushing against each other.
"Ah," Jensen sighed, stretching, as they made their way back to the car. "Now that's what I call christening a boat."
Jensen pointed the car back towards camp, but it was far too early to return yet. He pulled off at what looked like a little shack on the side of the road, but he assured Jared it was the best ice cream place in Vermont. The sign over the solitary window declared it the "Whippy Dip."
Jared ordered a large chocolate and vanilla soft serve swirl, despite Jensen's protests. Sure enough, when it arrived, it looked larger than Jared's stomach. Possibly larger than both his and Jensen's stomachs combined. They grabbed a stack of napkins and two plastic spoons and sat on the hood of Jensen's car to eat the monstrosity. It was sweet and cold and perfect after a day in the sun-despite the sunscreen, Jared could feel a tightness in the skin under his eyes and across his nose that usually meant sunburn. He gulped down the first couple spoonfuls too quickly and gave himself a brain freeze, which Jensen helpfully laughed at.
When they finished it, Jensen had a little bit of ice cream at the corner of his mouth. Jared couldn't help licking it clean-chocolate-then licking his way into Jensen's mouth. Jensen had pulled the car behind a copse of trees, shielded from the road and the parking lot of the Whippy Dip. Pretty soon Jared had Jensen pressed up against the side of the car, one hand down his pants, the other guiding his head so Jared could taste the ice cream flavor in every corner of his mouth.
Jensen used the stack of napkins to clean them up after while Jared sagged limply against him. "You comfortable?"
"Yeah," Jared sighed. He pressed his smile into Jensen's neck. This was so new, so exciting, he couldn't get enough of touching Jensen, tasting him, breathing him. He didn't think he ever would. "I've never felt this way before," he breathed into Jensen's skin.
Jensen shifted against him, causing a frisson to pass through Jared. "I never knew you felt that way about ice cream," he said lamely, but Jared laughed anyway.
Jared straightened so he could look at Jensen. "It's just…"
Jensen looked pinned by the gaze, open and vulnerable. "Just what?"
"I'm glad. That you were my first." He breathed deeply and let all the joy he felt show through in his smile. "I'm just glad my first time was with you."
Jensen froze for a moment, but then pulled Jared into a quick kiss. "We better get back on the road," he said, pulling away. "It'll be dark soon."
Jared watched him walk around the front of the car, making a quick detour to the trash can. "Man, this has been the best day of my life. Thanks."
Jensen stopped, one hand on the handle to the door. "Yeah," he said quietly, then climbed in.
The rest of the drive back to camp was made in silence. Jared lounged in the passenger seat, basking in the glow of the day, still smiling every time he thought of him and Jensen, together. Jensen seemed to feel it to, leaving the radio off. Jared wished they'd never make it back to camp. He'd be happy, just staying here with Jensen beside him.
They turned onto the lake shore road, Jensen's headlights illuminating the frost heaves in the asphalt. Only a mile back to camp, and back to treating Jensen just as a friend, at least until camp ended. Then a whole realm of frightening possibilities opened up between them.
"Hey, Jensen," he said, tapping Jensen's leg. "Pull over."
"Huh? We're almost back at camp."
"Yeah, I know. Just pull over."
Jensen looked at him, his face a blank in the dark, then pulled the car onto the gravel shoulder. "What do you-"
Jared cut him off by grabbing his shoulders and dragging him into a kiss. At first their teeth clashed-Jensen was clearly startled-but then he sagged into Jared. By the time they pulled apart the windows had fogged.
"What was that for?" Jensen said, still sounding stunned.
"Just cause," Jared shrugged. "'Anything that happens on camp property, sooner or later, everyone knows about,' remember? Just wanted something to remember for when I can't kiss you senseless every time I see you."
Jensen stared at him in silence, then pulled the car back onto the road.
~*~
The last week of camp was notoriously hectic, so at first Jared thought it was just that. Or maybe that Jensen was being discreet-Jared doubted he could control his urge to touch Jensen the next time he saw him; maybe Jensen just wanted to preserve a pretense of distance, which was fine. As long as it was actually pretense. But after a few days Jared was forced to come to a different and completely unwelcome conclusion-that Jensen was avoiding him.
It wasn't obvious at first. Aside from the regular activities, they had to spend the last week starting to clean and close up the Campcraft department, getting it ready for winter. Jared had to write up evaluations of his campers-the Steves-and the campers that spent the most time at Campcraft. This was to help Jeff with tent assignments for the next summer, though if the Steve cabin was anything to go by, Jeff didn't read them. He also had to fire off a letter to the parents of each of his kids, assuring them that they were wonderful and having a great time (despite what they might say for themselves) and should definitely come back next summer.
In addition, there were the preparations for the Banquet, the big farewell dinner the night before everybody headed for home. Jensen was in charge of decorating the Barn, which seemed to involve hauling a forest's worth of pine boughs into it and blanketing the walls with them. This was supposed to be top secret, but Chris assured him it was like walking into another world, surrounded by the deep scent of pine and lush green. It was one of the highlights of the summer, according to him, though Jared thought it sounded more like a fire hazard. So he couldn't really blame Jensen for not being around during free time when he had to spend that time on a step ladder in the Barn getting covered in pitch.
At the Banquet, every camper also got a little booklet with signatures from the counselors-inane little messages like you'd write in a yearbook. "See you next summer!" "Remember the kayaking!" Jeff had issued an edict, though, that every counselor had to sign every camper's book so no one looked more popular than anyone else. This meant Jared spent the evenings he would like to have spent on Winships, with Jensen, in the counselor room drawing smushed little sketches of hiking boots on 120 books, some for campers who hadn't been to Campcraft since the first week.
But even so, Jensen always seemed to be just leaving when Jared walked into the counselor room, or on some super secret Banquet-related errand when Jared tried to catch his attention after meals.
With only three days left, Jared played hooky from Campcraft and headed down to the sailing docks at the end of first period. If he timed it right, he should be able to grab Jensen for at least ten minutes before the campers for next period started arriving.
"Hey, Jensen," he called as he approached the boat house. Jensen was on one of the docks, near the shore, doing something that looked complicated with a coil of rope. He had his shirt off. Jared swallowed at the sight of all that tanned skin-skin he'd touched just a few days ago, skin that now seemed off limits.
Jensen looked up at the sound of his name, a smile tugging at his lips. Until he caught sight of Jared. "Hey, yourself." He went back to the ropes, turning away from Jared.
Jared looked at the few other counselors around and the scattered campers. This wasn't quite the venue he'd been hoping for, but Jensen had made it effectively impossible to corner him any place more private. "Hey, uh…" He cleared his throat to try to clear the tremor he could hear creeping in. "Uh, can we talk for a minute?"
"I'm kinda busy, right now," Jensen said flatly. "Catch you later?" He didn't even turn around.
"Sure. Sure, later." Jared pasted on a smile and headed back towards Campcraft.
That was-Jensen had just blown him off. Completely. Like he didn't even know Jared at all. As signals went, that was a pretty clear one. One that said, "I got what I wanted, now fuck off."
Jared stopped to lean against a tree, thankful he had cut through a section of tents, deserted at this time of the day. He had to gulp in deep breaths-he felt like he was drowning. Jensen'd never said anything about after, never promised anything. Just told him he was hot, and that wasn’t any kind of promise at all. If Jared had assumed things that weren't there, well that was Jared's fault. Naïve, stupid Jared, assuming sex meant something. He ran a hand over his face. He'd never felt like such an idiot in his whole life.
When the trumpet blew, signaling the beginning of second period, he pushed off from the trunk and took a few shaky steps. He got steadier every step he took until by the time he got back to Campcraft he felt fine.
"Hey," Mike said, catching sight of him as Jared ducked his head through the door of the Woodchuck Hole. "You doin' okay, man? You look a little sick."
"I feel fine," Jared said, then headed to the stone fireplace to supervise as a camper tried to build a fire.
~*~
He went straight to bed after taps that night. He hadn't finished signing all the books for the Banquet but he didn't think he could lift a pen right now. He was exhausted. That whole lack of sleep thing Jensen had warned him about at the beginning of the summer was catching up with him all at once. Jensen. God. He pressed his face into the pillow.
Jared groaned when Chris poked him. "You coming down to the counselor room?" he whispered.
Jared made a negative sounding grunt.
"You look like shit-pardon my french. You need to see Alona?" Jared rolled over to see Chris crouching there, looking at him appraisingly.
"'M fine."
"Sure," Chris said, standing. "Of course you are." There was a hard edge in his voice, but it didn't feel like it was directed at him.
Jared roused himself a little. "I'm just tired."
Chris grinned at him. "Just hold on a few more days. Then you can sleep for a week. On an actual mattress, somewhere with air conditioning and bug screens." Chris stared at him a moment, then patted his shoulder . It made Jared feel like one of their campers. "Okay, then."
Mike had to let Jared out of his duties the next morning so he could finish signing the Banquet books for that evening. He wasn't the only one in the counselor room, frantically trying to finish. Jared suspected the others felt a little more sentimental about their "Have a great year"s than he did. Catch you later. Right.
Just as he was finishing the last stack of books, a point he'd thought he'd never reach, he looked up to see Alona walking in. "Hey," she smiled.
"Don't tell me you have to do these, too," Jared groaned.
"Only if I want to. There are just a few campers I want to leave notes for."
"Help yourself." Jared gestured to the box of disorganized piles of books. "They used to be in alphabetical order. I don't think they stayed that way."
"I can see that," Alona said, and started to leaf through the pile. "So, how've you enjoyed your first summer at Mahina?"
Despite himself, Jared found himself saying, "It was great." And it had been. It hadn't ended that way, but he wouldn't trade the rest of the summer, even knowing the outcome.
"You don't look like it was so great. Bummed about the summer being almost over?"
"At this point all I can think about is a king size bed and twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep."
"I hear you. I always end up crashing when I get home. It's worth it, though." She pulled a couple of books out of the morass and set them aside. "You gonna come back next year?"
Jared frowned. This he hadn't really figured out. Each of the counselors had an exit interview with Jeff where they discussed what they'd like to accomplish the next summer. Jared's was in a few hours and he had no idea what he was going to say. For most of the summer, he was sure he'd be coming back. But now, he thought about how he'd be spending the whole school year away from Texas, it didn't seem right to spend the summer away, too. Or that's what he told himself. He knew it had more to do with a certain counselor who definitely wouldn't be back. Maybe Jared should count that as a plus, but he missed Jensen already. He didn't want to spend a whole summer here being reminded of him. "I don't know," he said finally.
"You're a natural with the kids. I know a lot of them will be bummed if you don't come back."
Jared smiled. "Yeah. Who would they set you up with then?"
"Oh, they'll find somebody. You ever find out who sent the love letter?"
"I'm pretty sure it was Lizard. He and Chas weren't very subtle. You know the sad thing? That's probably the only love letter I'll ever get."
"Aw. Give me your address-I'll send you something a lot more sincere." Alona looked at him again and Jared finally recognized the look in her eye. It was the way Jensen had looked at him.
"That's okay-I don't think I want any more love notes for awhile."
Alona nodded. "Worth a shot, anyway." She smiled, and Jared could tell that she knew he didn't feel the same way.
He grabbed a slip of paper. "This is my address, though. No hard feelings?"
"You kidding? Of course not." Alona finished signing the books she'd pulled from the stack. "Well, you can say you're not sure, but you'll be back next summer. It's really hard to say goodbye to this place, you know?"
"Yeah," Jared said. He waved to her as she left, then opened the last book. "I know."
~*~
Chris had been right about the Banquet. The Barn was unrecognizable, like a woodland glen, with a giant "M" made of Queen Anne's lace over the fireplace. For a moment Jared smiled, imagining Jensen arranging the flowers, then squashed the thought. As one hundred and eighty people gathered to celebrate the two months they'd spent together, Jared couldn't help but be overwhelmed with a wave of nostalgia. Whatever else, he was going to miss this place when he was back in Texas. He thought he understood what Tom was saying-that nothing was ever quite the same as it was here. It certainly had gotten its hooks into him.
The Steves surprised Chris and Jared by singing "Time of Your Life" by Green Day. They'd rewritten the lyrics of the verses to be about camp, recounting with fondness everything from peeing on the hillside to Frog's spree of midnight kicking. They huddled around the rumpled piece of paper they'd written the lyrics on, stumbling occasionally before pressing forward. Jared even thought he saw Gecko's eyes shining suspiciously brightly. Jared felt a warm affection constrict his chest, and looked over at Chris to see him watching with rapt attention. When they finished, both Chris and Jared gave them a standing ovation. For a moment, Jared caught Jensen's eye across the room, felt that old connection between them, then Jensen looked away.
~*~
Jared felt wrung out. The last of the campers had departed on the New York bus just a few minutes ago. The whole day had been a series of goodbyes-Jared had never thought he'd see so many guys un-self-consciously crying, campers and counselors both. Even Gecko looked sad to go, despite his many protests that he hated it here. Every time parents pulled into the camp driveway in their station wagons and minivans, the remaining campers would gather round to sing them off, until the last few were just sung to by the counselors. If he had to sing "May the road rise to meet you" one more time he'd shoot someone.
The counselors had the rest of the day off. They'd spend the next morning taking down the canvas tents, dry-docking the boats and generally cleaning away the detritus of the summer, then they'd be free to leave. Jared flopped down in the grass, closing his eyes against the cloudy sky.
He was roused by someone kicking his shoe. "Fuck off, I'm sleeping." He threw an arm over his face. One of the best things about the campers leaving was the return of the four-letter word.
"Just thought you'd like to know, newbie, that Jensen's over by the tennis courts."
Jared squinted up at Chris, the sudden light making spots dance in front of his eyes. "Why should I care?"
"Oh, give it a rest. You guys have been making goo-goo eyes at each other all summer." Jared's jaw dropped. "Just thought you'd want to know he's sulking, too. By the tennis courts." Chris emphasized the last two words by making little shooing motions with his hands. Then he walked off with a shake of his head.
Jared sat up, rubbing his eyes against his exhaustion. He turned his head towards the tennis courts and could just see a lone figure, outlined against the lake. The petty part of him thought, good, let him sulk, it's his own damn fault. But most of him wanted to find out what the hell had happened to make Jensen pull away. They'd been really good together. It was worth at least one more try.
Jared rolled to his feet then loped off towards Jensen. "So," Jared said, dropping into the grass beside him. "You've been avoiding me?"
Jensen looked at him, startled, clearly lost in his own thoughts, then his eyes danced away. "Why would you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you haven't talked to me in a week? What happened a week ago? Oh, right. I lost my virginity to some asshole who didn't call the next morning." Jared toyed with the grass, pulling up blades convulsively as he talked.
Jensen cringed, gratifyingly, but he still didn't look up. "What did you expect? It was just some stupid summer fling."
If Jensen had sounded convinced, Jared might have believed him. He'd've walked away right then and written the whole summer off as romantic training wheels. But Jensen sounded tentative, almost like he wanted to be talked out of it. "You don't believe that, do you? Jensen, we were-are-great together. I don't just mean the sex, though that was…whoa… I mean us. This whole summer, I've been so comfortable with you. You can't tell me you don't feel a connection, here. Look at me!" Jensen did, and Jared could see everything there. Yearning, fear, maybe even love. For the first time, Jensen was completely exposed. "I just don't understand why you've been trying so hard to piss it all away," Jared finished quietly.
"You don't mean that," Jensen said savagely.
"What don't I mean?"
"This whole connection thing-you don't know. I feel it too, but it's not us, it's just camp. Camp is this intense…thing. We live in each other's pockets, share every moment of every day, no privacy, you know someone for a week and feel like they're the best friend you've ever had."
"So-" Jared tried to cut in, but Jensen wouldn't let him.
"-so when you leave here, it all goes away again! Right now you think you feel this 'connection' to me, but you'll go home, go to college, meet new people, start new classes, and you'll forget this whole thing." Jensen held up a finger, stopping Jared from interrupting. "You don't think you will, but you will. You'll think about writing a letter or giving me a call but stuff will get in the way and next thing you know it's June again and you haven't kept in touch with anyone. It's your first summer, Jared, you don't know what this place does to you." He leaned back on his hands with a sigh, as if saying this had released something he'd been holding inside for far too long. "And it's my last summer. So I won't be around to pick up where things left off next summer when you get back here and remember. So tomorrow you get on a bus and I get in my car and it's over. The end. Next summer you'll find someone new to crush on."
Jared looked at him for a long time. "That's why you've been so weird about this? You think when I say I've never felt this way about anyone before that I'm lying?"
Jensen looked at him pleadingly. "I didn't say you were lying."
"No, just that this whole thing," he gestured between them, "is a figment of the camp." Jensen nodded. "Like the camp has some magic fairy dust that made me fall in love with you." Jensen's eyes widened. Jared took advantage of his moment of surprise to lean in close, practically growling. "Bull. Shit."
"What did you just say?" Jensen asked quietly.
"That's complete bullshit!" Jared waved his hands, narrowly avoiding whacking Jensen. "I'm going to get to Texas and forget you exist? That's crap! How do you feel about me?"
"Wha-"
"Just answer. How do you feel about me?"
Jensen looked into Jared's eyes, voice filled with wonder. "I'm crazy about you."
"Oh my god," Jared couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice. "You are such an idiot." Then he grabbed Jensen behind the neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. Anything that happens on camp property sooner or later everyone knows about? Yeah, he wanted everyone to know about this.
They broke apart when they heard a wolf whistle behind them. Jared turned his head to see Chad applauding their performance. Jared flipped him the bird. Beside him Chris just shook his head and muttered, "Finally."
~*~
Nine months later
Jared grabbed the phone on the first ring. "Hey," he said.
"Hey, yourself. How was finals?" Even though he knew Jensen was going to call, it was always a relief to hear his voice.
"They're over. I don't want to think about them anymore."
"That bad, huh?" He could hear the laugh in Jensen's voice.
"Oh, shut up mister 3.8 GPA." Jared looked around his dorm room for a place to sit down. His options were limited. This being his first year at Duke, he'd been put in a one-room double with a guy that insisted everyone call him Trés, "like the French," which definitely wasn't the name on his birth certificate. Trés's stuff was all over every available surface of the room, with boxes of Jared's stuff taking up the rest. He not only had to pack up everything in the next twenty-four hours, he had to decide what to ship to Texas, what to put in storage for the summer and what to throw out (the chemistry textbook was definitely going in that pile). He shuffled across the floor, pushing Trés's clothes with his feet, and yelped when his toe hit a textbook hidden under the wreckage.
"You alright?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah," Jared replied, hopping. "Fuck. Just stubbed my toe on all the crap in here. God, it's a disaster area." He looked around forlornly. "Man, I'm going to have to pull an all-nighter. I was looking forward to sleeping in." He pouted.
"Poor baby," Jensen said with a distinct lack of sympathy in his voice. Jared smiled. It had been almost a year since they met and he still felt flutters in his stomach. Jensen had been wrong about them, Jared liked to point out-frequently. What he felt hadn't changed, even with going to college and meeting all sorts of new, interesting people. Nobody held a candle to Jensen. They'd only managed two visits over the year, between Jared's studies and Jensen's travel schedule for his job, but they talked on the phone almost every day. They were planning on spending a week together backpacking in June-Jared had been holding onto that thought all through finals.
He was going back to Mahina for the summer, and had heard from Chris and Tom and Mike (even Chad) that they'd all be back, too. It would be strange being there without Jensen, but Jensen had made him promise to go back. He even promised a surprise visit during the summer sometime. "Man, I can't wait to see you," Jared said.
"Yeah, about that," Jensen said with that tight little cough that always meant he was holding something back.
Jared felt his stomach drop like a stone. He slumped onto the bed, roughly pushing aside a stack of CD's. "Something came up at work," he said tonelessly. "And you can't get the time off."
"No, actually. This whole jet set consulting thing? I've decided I'm not really a fan."
"What? I thought you loved it?"
"Well, I'm going to miss the paycheck-but I gave my two weeks notice yesterday. Any chance we could go hiking for two weeks before camp?"
Jared broke out into a grin. "Oh, definitely. My mom's going to hate me, though."
"She's still got Megan to dote on, though, right? She's going to have to get used to the empty nest."
"You are a cold, cold man. You know this means she's going to make me promise to stay home next spring break, right?"
"Oh, ouch. I know how much you wanted to go hit on chicks in Tijuana." Jared wished Jensen was next to him so he could hit him.
"So what are you going to do now that you're gainfully unemployed?"
"Well," Jensen said and Jared could imagine him scratching his head in that way he always did. "I called Jeff and it's too late to sign on this summer."
"Oh, that sucks." Jared said feelingly.
"Yeah, but it got me thinking, you know? I love working with kids. So I thought I'd get my teachers certification. Be the crazy physics teacher, with the glasses."
"And the sweater vests."
"Uh, yeah, no." Jensen took a deep breath. "But anyway, I was looking around for good programs, and Duke-"
"Shut up!" Jared leaped to his feet. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, well I've always liked college basketball, and it just makes sense-"
"Shut up!" Jared stood in silence for a moment, just enjoying the thought of being around Jensen all the time next year. No more of this long distance insanity. It was too good to be believed.
"I thought you'd like that." Jensen said quietly.
"You're a bastard for not telling me sooner."
"Well, I wanted to make sure I got in before I got your hopes up."
"Oh-have you gotten an apartment yet?"
"No, I hadn't really started looking…"
"Excellent. I've signed up for housing here next year, but I can yank that pretty easily. We are going to have the sweetest apartment. I know this complex where a girl in my English class lives-you remember Lucy?-so I'll ask her if there are any vacancies, and I'm sure something will open up by September. It's pretty near the campus, and there are a couple of bars down the street, so it's perfect-"
"Wait, wait." Jensen paused. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"
Jared stopped. Shit. He was, and that was kind of a big thing. "Um…yes?" Maybe Jensen wanted to keep it more casual.
"Are you sure? I mean, this is your only time at college. Wouldn't you be missing out, living off campus?"
"Are you kidding?" Jared said. "Nobody lives in the dorms here. The only reason I signed up again is because I can't afford a one-bedroom. And you've heard all my horror stories about Trés. You think you'd be a worse roommate?"
"You've got a point. Okay."
"Okay? Is that okay okay?"
Jensen gave that laugh he got when he thought Jared was being dense. "Yeah. Okay."
The End
Now go look at the pretty, pretty art by sillyshy!
A/N: I went to a camp reunion after I finished this-the first time I'd had any contact with camp in ten years. I discovered two kind of interesting things. One-the fake name I made up for the girls camp, Camp Ohana, is no longer a fake camp. Camp Ohana just opened this Memorial Day. Two-I talked for a little bit with the director of the boys camp, this giant of a man who's been there as long as anyone remembers. After talking to him, I discovered that I was completely right about the camp director being supportive of out and proud gay counselors. So, yay!
The title, "Old Hideaway," is a nickname for my summer camp. There's even a song about it that I…uh…might have a recording of on my iPod. Maybe.
Thank you all for indulging my camp nostalgia!
|Master Art Post|
Part Three
~*~
Jared didn't catch Jensen until after taps, up on Winships. He couldn't stay long-he and Tom were leaving with six campers, a van, and a trailer with two aluminum canoes before dawn tomorrow-but he had to see Jensen before he left.
Jensen was at the fire with Chris. When Jared approached, Jensen scooted over to give him room to sit on the log. There wasn't quite enough log left, though, and Jared ended up pressing his thigh against Jensen's. Maybe that had been the point. He couldn't help brushing a finger against Jensen's leg with the pretense of finding his balance.
Jensen smiled at him, but turned back to Chris. Chris was giving him that look again and Jared couldn't help looking away, even though he knew that, even if Chris suspected something, he hadn't told anyone.
They hung out there for a little bit, Chris giving Jensen a blow by blow recounting of the drama with Frog and Jensen riposting with the Rousters' failed prank attempt on the campers at Ohana (something about spray paint and duck footprints-Jared wasn't too clear on the details, too distracted by the sound of Jensen's voice), but Jensen made no move to drag Jared off alone. Maybe that was for the best. They would hardly go unnoticed tonight. But Jensen wanted to tell him about talking to Jeff. He wanted to ask him about what they would do after camp ended-but maybe that was too clingy, like asking for a ring on the first date. All Jensen'd done so far was kiss him. Jared looked at Jensen's mouth, currently engaged in talking to Chris, and really wanted to kiss it again.
When it got close to eleven, Jared knew he had to pull himself away from the fire and the warmth of Jensen's body. "Alright, dudes, I gotta head out."
"Kay," Chris said, "I'll try to keep Lizard from burning down the shack while you're gone."
Jared laughed.
"Gone?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah, he's got the five-day with Tom."
"Gotta get up at the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow. At least Tom's driving so I can sleep in the van." Jared said lightly. That must be why Jensen hadn't made an attempt to get him alone-he'd forgotten Jared would be away for a while.
"Well," Jensen said, turning his gaze fully on Jared for the first time that evening. "Have fun, then. Don't crash any canoes."
Jared was caught in that gaze for a moment. It was like Jensen was trying to tell him something, but Jared didn't think he was on the same frequency. "I will. And I don't think you can crash a canoe."
"Stranger things have happened," Chris interjected. "Remember that one time with Mike-"
"Yeah," Jensen said, glancing quickly at Chris. He looked back at Jared and for a moment Jared thought he would say something, company be damned, but then he just chucked Jared in the shoulder and turned to Chris. "I can understand running one canoe aground in the rapids. But how'd he ever manage two?"
The sound of his voice faded as Jared headed back down the trail. Whatever Jensen had wanted to say, he'd have to hold the thought. Jared knew he'd be thinking about it.
~*~
The trouble with portaging, Jared thought, was that he was too damn tall. Usually each canoe was carried by two people, splitting the weight, but Tom was carrying their tent and all the food and none of the campers were even close to his height. Which meant that he was carrying one aluminum canoe all by himself on the mile stretch where the river's rapids were too difficult to navigate.
If he got it properly balanced, it wasn't so bad, despite the weight. As long as he didn't have to turn. Or change speed. Or go uphill. Or downhill. Or step over anything. Or avoid any low-hanging branches. Okay, so maybe it was so bad.
In deference to his heroic efforts (and sore shoulders), Jared didn't have to paddle for the rest of the day. It was actually quite peaceful, sitting in the middle of the canoe, leaning against the thwart, using the life jackets they'd long since stopped wearing as cushions, and letting the sun soak into him. He couldn't help wishing that Jensen were here to enjoy it with him.
"So," Jared said that evening, as he and Tom were using a trickle of their precious water supply to rinse off the pots. "You and Jensen go way back, huh?"
"Yeah. Me, Jensen, and Mike. We were all campers together, then Rousters together. Now we're all department heads-kind of a camp dynasty." He wiped his hands on his shorts to dry them. After a few days without running water, they were all looking a little worse for wear. "Man," Tom continued. "It's gonna suck next summer without him around."
Jared had lost the thread of the conversation. "What do you mean?"
"Jensen's swan song, man." He looked up at Jared. "You didn't know? Yeah, it's his last summer. We all just graduated college in the spring. I'm starting Teach for America in the fall, I don't think Mike has a clue what he's doing. And Jensen's got some sweet consulting job waiting for him. Those types of places, they don't let you take off two months every summer." He sat back, relaxing now that the chores were done. "Obviously he's the only one of us with any brains."
Tom laughed at that and Jared joined him, but he didn't feel like laughing. He'd been hoping that whatever happened between now and closing day, at least he'd see Jensen next summer. Some part of him had been hoping he'd see Jensen every summer, though he knew they couldn't stay counselors forever. But now it looked like two weeks was all the time he had-less than a week and a half once they got back. And that wasn't any time at all.
"I mean, we still get together during the rest of the year sometimes, but it's not the same as here. Nothing's ever the same as here, you know?"
"Yeah," Jared said. "I know."
~*~
They got back to camp right before dinner. Jared stank. He'd always thought that a person would get used to their own smell after being exposed to it constantly, but apparently not. After five days of carrying canoes and paddling and setting up and striking camp and no showers at all, he reeked. He hadn't even been able to wash his hands other than by dipping them in the freezing river and scrubbing them with biodegradable soap. He hadn't shaved either, and now had a full, scruffy beard. He felt sticky and gritty and gross, and knew that if the sweat smell wasn't bad enough on its own, he'd also gotten a pretty thorough coating of mud on the last night when it had rained.
At least he wasn't the only one. They were all looking pretty ratty.
When they pulled up, a small crowd was waiting, and they erupted into applause when the beleaguered campers climbed out. A few raised their fists in triumph-even by camp standards, going on a five-day trip made you hardcore. Jared grinned through his fatigue. He really had enjoyed himself; these types of trips were part of the reason he'd applied to this camp. He wanted to push himself, and develop the kind of camaraderie that only came from scrambling to set up the tarps before their campsite turned into a puddle.
As Jared stretched his back from the long drive, he scanned the crowd. There was Jensen, smiling at him and clapping his hands. "Hey, Jensen!" Jared yelled, then charged him.
"Yuck, dude! You're completely nasty." Jensen tried to dodge Jared's outstretched arms, but it didn't seem like he was trying too hard.
"Yup," Jared said, then engulfed him in a full body hug. A chorus of "ew!"s broke out from the surrounding campers, pitying Jensen's stinky fate, but Jensen didn't seem to mind. For a moment, it felt almost like he was nuzzling Jared's neck. "You're scratchy," Jensen whispered, as he rubbed against Jared's face fur.
Jared didn't want to, but he pulled back, knowing that holding on any longer wouldn't look right to their audience.
"Glad you're back, man," Jensen said, clapping his shoulder. "Now shower before you kill someone."
"What," Jared said innocently. "I smell bad?" He raised his arm and dramatically sniffed his armpit. This got another chorus of ew's from the campers. "Nope, smells like roses and baby powder. Want a sniff?" The effect was somewhat ruined when Jared couldn't get through the whole sentence without a small cough. Wow, it really was overpowering.
"That's okay," Jensen said, backing away.
Jared smiled, then turned again to head to the showers.
"Oh, hey," Jensen called him back. "We had counselor meeting while you were gone. I put us down for the same day off. That cool with you?"
"Yeah," Jared said, a little hoarsely. "That's…that's awesome."
~*~
Jensen wouldn't tell him where they were going. They'd hit the road shortly after reveille. Jensen even ran up to Jared's tent to make sure he'd gotten out of his sleeping bag on time, which he hadn't. When they got to Jensen's car, Jared saw that he'd tucked a cooler in the back, probably stuffed with cold cuts stolen from the kitchen. They drove on local roads for an hour and a half, only stopping at a liquor store for a couple of six-packs, until they pulled up to a small landing on Lake Champlain.
"Hey," Jensen said. "This place rents sailboats. I thought we could take one out for the day."
Jensen looked so eager, but Jared couldn't help ribbing him. "We drove all this way to go sailing? Don't you do that every day?"
"Well," Jensen said, suddenly unsure, "I mean, we could go to Burlington, instead, or-"
"Relax. It sounds awesome. Show me your stuff, sailor boy."
Jensen led the negotiation for the boat. All they could get for the day was a Hobie, which judging from Jensen's expression, was not what he'd wanted. "I was hoping we could get a sailfish, or something. Small, maneuverable, really get some speed going."
"With racing stripes up the side?" Jared joked.
"Hobies, though. They are the minivan of small sailboats." Jensen looked disapprovingly at the blue boat tied to the dock. It looked fine to Jared-small, but big enough to fit three or four people. There was a sunken area in the middle of the boat with benches. "See," Jensen said, pointing out at the lake. "That's what I'm talking about." Jared followed the direction of his finger and saw a small one man boat skimming along the water. It didn't look much larger than a surfboard. A strong wind blew across the lake, cresting the water into waves-a perfect day for sailing. Jared could imagine Jensen guiding the small boat gracefully, as he had on that first day of camp. He could also imagine himself wrapped around the mast like a limpet, holding on for dear life. No, the Hobie was fine by him.
It took a little while for Jensen to get the rigging set up. At first he tried to enlist Jared's help, showing him a few knots with his elegant fingers, but soon gave up. If Jared helped, they might not get out on the water before sunset.
When everything was finally ready, Jensen reached to throw off the painter, then stopped and squinted his eyes at Jared. "Something's missing," he said, then lifted up one of the bench seats to search underneath.
"What? We've got enough beer and sandwiches in the cooler. I brought the sunscreen, I don't think we're missing any-" Jared was cut off as a bright orange object hit him in the chest. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me."
"Put it on." Jensen gestured to the life vest.
"You're not wearing one!" Jared whined.
"I'm an experienced sailor. You're not. No life vest, no sailing."
"I passed your stupid drown-proofing test at the beginning of the summer, remember? You can't be serious." Jensen just raised an eyebrow. Jared huffed, reluctantly slipping his arms into the vest. "If I get weird tan lines I'm blaming you."
It wasn't until Jensen turned away to loose the boat from the dock that Jared saw his sternness crack and a smile slip through. "Oh, you jerk!" Jared thought about throwing his shoe at Jensen, but could easily picture losing it over the side and limping all the way back to camp. He slipped off the life vest and grumpily sat on it as Jensen pointed them out towards the center of the lake, letting the wind pull them along.
Jared relaxed, watching Jensen expertly work the sail. He didn't lean out over the water as he had that first day, but Jared took the opportunity to admire the muscles in his arms and back as he strained against the wind. Once they were far out from the shore, no other boats in sight, Jensen encouraged Jared to lie on his stomach on the prow. Now, when they turned into the wind, he felt like he was flying, inches above the water, a fine spray peppering his cheeks. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the sensation of speed.
Jared turned his head back towards Jensen and yelled over the wind, "I think I know why you enjoy this!"
Jensen was staring at him as if he couldn't bring himself to pull his eyes away. "Hey, come back here a sec," he said. "You're starting to burn."
Jared wiggled his way back to the other side of the mast, skin sticking uncomfortably to the skin of the boat. Jensen tied off the sail so they could just float for a little bit, rocking at the water's mercy. He pulled the sunscreen out of their bag. "Turn around," he said and Jared obediently turned to face the front of the boat, resting his chin on his arms, torso twisted sideways on the seat. He heard Jensen open the bottle and squirt some into his hands. After the roar of the rushing wind as they'd sailed out here, the sudden silence felt awkward, drawn tight.
He startled a little bit at the first touch of Jensen's fingers. "'S cold," he murmured, thankful that Jensen couldn't see his nipples hardening. Jensen applied the lotion slowly, rubbing it into his skin with more attention than strictly necessary. As he worked his hands down Jared's back, brushing the top of his swimsuit and sweeping up his sides, Jared's breath hitched. The hands paused, resting gently against his back, fingers paralleling his shoulder blades. Jensen must be right behind him, barely a breath away; Jared could feel the heat from his skin, and the awareness raised gooseflesh on his arms.
The next few moments could change everything. Jensen could pull his hands away, turn back to the sail, grab a beer, pretend that this was just a day hanging out with a buddy. Even though that would be fun, Jared thought back to that kiss on top of Winships and knew that, more than anything, he wanted Jensen to keep touching him.
He pushed himself back into Jensen's hands, slowly, like he was trying not to startle an animal. He felt Jensen release a small puff of air against his neck when he reached back to take one of Jensen's hands and guide it to his chest. To his nipple. Jensen ran a finger across the tight nub and Jared felt a bolt of sensation go straight to his cock. He felt like his heart was trying to beat out of his chest. Jensen had to feel it, too.
Jensen left his hand there, brushing slowly, then reached around with his other hand, pressing himself into Jared's back until they were caught there in an awkward embrace, perched on the bench. Jared had never felt bolder in his life, or more terrified. He couldn't believe he'd had the guts to move them this far, and he knew he wanted to take it further, but he had no idea how.
Jensen pressed lightly on Jared's shoulder, turning him. He had to pull back slightly to manage it in the cramped quarters. For a moment he felt hopelessly awkward, all gangly limbs as he had been when he'd hit his first growth spurt and spent months stubbing his toes on doorways and chairs. Then he saw the fire in Jensen's eyes, still so close, and forgot everything else.
Slowly, Jensen pulled up Jared's thigh so it was propped on the bench, cradling his hips. Jensen pressed a hand to his chest, still holding himself a millimeter away. Jared wanted to lunge up at him but even more he wanted to see what Jensen had in mind. "Lay back," Jensen whispered. "The boom." He indicated the metal beam at the base of the main sail. Jared had completely forgotten about it. Facing into the wind as they were, the canvas of the sail only rippled loosely. But if a sudden gust caught it, it would send the sail across the ship, fast enough to hit someone sitting there in the head, maybe even knock them overboard.
His thoughts were soon drawn away from the sail as Jensen lowered his weight onto him. They were pressed chest to thighs, all heat and sweat in the afternoon sunlight. It was extremely awkward-Jared had one leg jammed into the floor to support Jensen's weight; Jensen must be using his toes to brace himself against the rudder-but Jared didn't care.
This kiss was completely different from the last one. Jensen tasted like beer and wind; when Jared wrapped his hand around Jensen's head, brushing through the golden strands, he felt like he was kissing the sun, heat and light and fire.
They lay, tangled, pressing against each other, stroking tanned skin, exploring. The only sounds were the waves lapping against the hull and their mingled panting breaths.
Jensen fumbled his hand between them, brushing Jared's cock. Jared couldn't help thrusting with his hips, letting out a choked groan. The motion felt exquisite, pushing him against Jensen through two layers of nylon.
Jensen hooked his fingers under the elastic band and pulled back from the kiss. "Lift up." He smiled wolfishly. "You're going to enjoy this."
Jared lifted his hips and Jensen yanked the swim trunks down, catching mid-thigh on his splayed legs. He sank down till he was crouching in the boat, the motion pushing the cooler aside with a scrape.
It felt decadent, insane, lying there, exposed, in broad daylight where anyone could see. But the only gaze he cared about right now was Jensen's, and Jensen was staring up at him, eyes full of want and joy, sharing this moment of connection, completely suspended.
Then heat engulfed his cock. Jared wanted to watch, to see his cock disappearing into that perfect mouth, but he couldn't help arching his back, eyes squeezed shut. "Oh, god," he groaned. Then as Jensen pressed his tongue to the underside of his cock, he said it again, loudly echoing over the open water.
It was over far too fast. He barely got out a warning, stuttering Jensen's name, but Jensen didn't pull back, swallowing over him, then gently pulling off. He had a moment, staring at Jensen, spit and come glistening over his chin, to be overwhelmed by shame. What had he just done? Lying out here, exposed, coming too quickly, Jensen must think he was so foolish.
Then Jensen was lunging up his body, covering his mouth in a sloppy kiss that tasted of Jared's cum, and rutting against his hip frantically, threatening to capsize the boat.
Jensen grabbed Jared's wrist, pushing it toward his own cock, still hard beneath his trunks. Jared pushed his hand under the waistband, wrapping his fingers around the hot flesh. He felt completely overwhelmed again, no idea what he was expected to do. Then Jensen let out a whine and pushed himself through Jared's loose fingers. This Jared had some idea how to do-had done it on himself enough times-but it took some getting used to, doing it for someone else. Whatever he was doing seemed to be working, though. Jensen thrust against him, two, three times, then came with a groan, splattering cum all over Jared's stomach. Jared watched his face as Jensen gasped out his release. He'd never seen anything so beautiful.
They lay for a while, slowing recovering their breath. Then Jared's foot cramped where it was pushing against the side of the boat and he noticed how his shorts were cutting off circulation in his legs. Jensen looked at him with returning awareness, then slowly pushed himself off Jared's chest so he was sitting, legs still tangled with Jared's.
He looked at Jared expectantly. Jared had no idea what the post-friendly-blowjob-on-a-sailboat etiquette was. Like he always did in such situations, he said the first thing that popped into his head. "My ass is in a puddle."
Jensen looked shocked for a second, then burst out laughing. "Your ass is in a puddle? Oh my god, you're such a doofus." Jensen lunged at him, and before he knew what was happening, Jared found himself being rolled overboard.
The water was a shock to his system, finally bringing back on board all the senses made hazy with sex. He made a panicked grab for his swim suit, which was slowly making its way down past his knees. "Hey!" he yelled. "I could've lost my shorts! Then I'd've had to return the boat buck naked!"
"That'll teach you to be grateful after a blowjob!" Jensen reached to the back of the boat, un-looping a coil of rope.
Jared's eyes widened. "Don't you dare sail off and leave me here!"
"No?" Jensen said coyly. He moved toward the front of the boat, then chucked Jared's much hated life vest at his head. "I told you you should keep that on."
"Thanks a lot," Jared groaned, grabbing onto the life jacket. It actually made it harder to tread water while keeping a grip on it as it tried to bob away. He noticed some blobs of white on the nylon and quickly rinsed them off. He hoped the rental place wouldn't notice. That would be awkward.
"Grab on," Jensen said, tossing him the painter he'd used to tie the boat to the dock. Jared pulled himself back towards the boat and chucked the life vest on board, trying to hit Jensen in the head, and missing. Now that he'd had a moment to get used to it, the water was actually wonderfully refreshing, cutting through the heat of the day. It also gave Jared a chance to wash away the evidence of what they'd just done, for which he was grateful.
He grabbed onto the side of the boat, using his arms to pull himself up. Jensen leaned against the other side to counterbalance him and keep the boat from tipping over. As fun as that would be, Jared didn't really want all that beer to end up at the bottom of the lake.
As Jared swung a leg over the side and maneuvered himself back into the relatively dry boat, Jensen watched him. "You're gorgeous, you know that? Like some kind of renaissance sculpture."
"David with a farmer's tan?" Jared tried to brush off the unexpected compliment.
"No, seriously. I think you're the hottest guy I've ever seen."
Jared ducked his head. "I'm just a big dork. You, though, first time I saw you sailing, you looked like a Greek god."
"Seriously?" Jensen laughed. "I'm not too scrawny-looking?"
"Do you own a mirror? God, your arms alone."
"My arms, what? Don’t I get an ode out of this?"
"Shut up," Jared said and swung the wet life jacket at him, connecting with a wet smack.
They settled in for the sail back to the mainland. Jared felt sleepy and content, his release still humming through his body, combining with the heat from the sun to make him feel warm all over. He didn't think he'd ever had a better day than this one. He wanted to tell Jensen that, but thought he might sound stupid.
Jensen sat next to Jared, leaning against his chest, drawing Jared's arms around him in a loose embrace, one hand on the rudder. "What," Jared said, idly stroking his arm. "You don't have to stand this time?"
"That?" Jensen said with a shrug. "That was just showing off."
Jared jostled him slightly, not willing to dislodge him. Holding Jensen just felt too good. "If you only knew, man," he said with a yawn. "I've wanted to get in your pants since the first day of camp. Didn't think I even had a shot though."
Jensen turned to catch his eye. "You kidding? I've been restraining myself from jumping you for weeks. You with your hugging, and hiding in enclosed spaces and licking! Seriously, licking! You're lucky I didn't assault you right there where any passing hiker could see."
"Really?" Jared said. That should've been enough, but the sun and beer and sex loosened his tongue. "When did you first…you know. Know that you wanted me?" As soon as he said it he wished he hadn't. Mostly because he was suddenly afraid of what Jensen would say, that he hadn't wanted Jared, that this was some sort of game. And maybe a little because he'd wanted to end that question another way entirely.
"Okay. It was at the dance, last night of pre-camp. You were dancing to the Spice Girls." Jared burst out laughing, shaking Jensen against him. "You were dancing with Alona. Man, I was so jealous."
"You wanted to be making an ass out of yourself dancing to the Spice Girls?"
"No. Idiot."
~*~
They returned the boat mid-afternoon. The owner didn't even give them a second glance, even though they couldn't stop laughing and brushing against each other.
"Ah," Jensen sighed, stretching, as they made their way back to the car. "Now that's what I call christening a boat."
Jensen pointed the car back towards camp, but it was far too early to return yet. He pulled off at what looked like a little shack on the side of the road, but he assured Jared it was the best ice cream place in Vermont. The sign over the solitary window declared it the "Whippy Dip."
Jared ordered a large chocolate and vanilla soft serve swirl, despite Jensen's protests. Sure enough, when it arrived, it looked larger than Jared's stomach. Possibly larger than both his and Jensen's stomachs combined. They grabbed a stack of napkins and two plastic spoons and sat on the hood of Jensen's car to eat the monstrosity. It was sweet and cold and perfect after a day in the sun-despite the sunscreen, Jared could feel a tightness in the skin under his eyes and across his nose that usually meant sunburn. He gulped down the first couple spoonfuls too quickly and gave himself a brain freeze, which Jensen helpfully laughed at.
When they finished it, Jensen had a little bit of ice cream at the corner of his mouth. Jared couldn't help licking it clean-chocolate-then licking his way into Jensen's mouth. Jensen had pulled the car behind a copse of trees, shielded from the road and the parking lot of the Whippy Dip. Pretty soon Jared had Jensen pressed up against the side of the car, one hand down his pants, the other guiding his head so Jared could taste the ice cream flavor in every corner of his mouth.
Jensen used the stack of napkins to clean them up after while Jared sagged limply against him. "You comfortable?"
"Yeah," Jared sighed. He pressed his smile into Jensen's neck. This was so new, so exciting, he couldn't get enough of touching Jensen, tasting him, breathing him. He didn't think he ever would. "I've never felt this way before," he breathed into Jensen's skin.
Jensen shifted against him, causing a frisson to pass through Jared. "I never knew you felt that way about ice cream," he said lamely, but Jared laughed anyway.
Jared straightened so he could look at Jensen. "It's just…"
Jensen looked pinned by the gaze, open and vulnerable. "Just what?"
"I'm glad. That you were my first." He breathed deeply and let all the joy he felt show through in his smile. "I'm just glad my first time was with you."
Jensen froze for a moment, but then pulled Jared into a quick kiss. "We better get back on the road," he said, pulling away. "It'll be dark soon."
Jared watched him walk around the front of the car, making a quick detour to the trash can. "Man, this has been the best day of my life. Thanks."
Jensen stopped, one hand on the handle to the door. "Yeah," he said quietly, then climbed in.
The rest of the drive back to camp was made in silence. Jared lounged in the passenger seat, basking in the glow of the day, still smiling every time he thought of him and Jensen, together. Jensen seemed to feel it to, leaving the radio off. Jared wished they'd never make it back to camp. He'd be happy, just staying here with Jensen beside him.
They turned onto the lake shore road, Jensen's headlights illuminating the frost heaves in the asphalt. Only a mile back to camp, and back to treating Jensen just as a friend, at least until camp ended. Then a whole realm of frightening possibilities opened up between them.
"Hey, Jensen," he said, tapping Jensen's leg. "Pull over."
"Huh? We're almost back at camp."
"Yeah, I know. Just pull over."
Jensen looked at him, his face a blank in the dark, then pulled the car onto the gravel shoulder. "What do you-"
Jared cut him off by grabbing his shoulders and dragging him into a kiss. At first their teeth clashed-Jensen was clearly startled-but then he sagged into Jared. By the time they pulled apart the windows had fogged.
"What was that for?" Jensen said, still sounding stunned.
"Just cause," Jared shrugged. "'Anything that happens on camp property, sooner or later, everyone knows about,' remember? Just wanted something to remember for when I can't kiss you senseless every time I see you."
Jensen stared at him in silence, then pulled the car back onto the road.
~*~
The last week of camp was notoriously hectic, so at first Jared thought it was just that. Or maybe that Jensen was being discreet-Jared doubted he could control his urge to touch Jensen the next time he saw him; maybe Jensen just wanted to preserve a pretense of distance, which was fine. As long as it was actually pretense. But after a few days Jared was forced to come to a different and completely unwelcome conclusion-that Jensen was avoiding him.
It wasn't obvious at first. Aside from the regular activities, they had to spend the last week starting to clean and close up the Campcraft department, getting it ready for winter. Jared had to write up evaluations of his campers-the Steves-and the campers that spent the most time at Campcraft. This was to help Jeff with tent assignments for the next summer, though if the Steve cabin was anything to go by, Jeff didn't read them. He also had to fire off a letter to the parents of each of his kids, assuring them that they were wonderful and having a great time (despite what they might say for themselves) and should definitely come back next summer.
In addition, there were the preparations for the Banquet, the big farewell dinner the night before everybody headed for home. Jensen was in charge of decorating the Barn, which seemed to involve hauling a forest's worth of pine boughs into it and blanketing the walls with them. This was supposed to be top secret, but Chris assured him it was like walking into another world, surrounded by the deep scent of pine and lush green. It was one of the highlights of the summer, according to him, though Jared thought it sounded more like a fire hazard. So he couldn't really blame Jensen for not being around during free time when he had to spend that time on a step ladder in the Barn getting covered in pitch.
At the Banquet, every camper also got a little booklet with signatures from the counselors-inane little messages like you'd write in a yearbook. "See you next summer!" "Remember the kayaking!" Jeff had issued an edict, though, that every counselor had to sign every camper's book so no one looked more popular than anyone else. This meant Jared spent the evenings he would like to have spent on Winships, with Jensen, in the counselor room drawing smushed little sketches of hiking boots on 120 books, some for campers who hadn't been to Campcraft since the first week.
But even so, Jensen always seemed to be just leaving when Jared walked into the counselor room, or on some super secret Banquet-related errand when Jared tried to catch his attention after meals.
With only three days left, Jared played hooky from Campcraft and headed down to the sailing docks at the end of first period. If he timed it right, he should be able to grab Jensen for at least ten minutes before the campers for next period started arriving.
"Hey, Jensen," he called as he approached the boat house. Jensen was on one of the docks, near the shore, doing something that looked complicated with a coil of rope. He had his shirt off. Jared swallowed at the sight of all that tanned skin-skin he'd touched just a few days ago, skin that now seemed off limits.
Jensen looked up at the sound of his name, a smile tugging at his lips. Until he caught sight of Jared. "Hey, yourself." He went back to the ropes, turning away from Jared.
Jared looked at the few other counselors around and the scattered campers. This wasn't quite the venue he'd been hoping for, but Jensen had made it effectively impossible to corner him any place more private. "Hey, uh…" He cleared his throat to try to clear the tremor he could hear creeping in. "Uh, can we talk for a minute?"
"I'm kinda busy, right now," Jensen said flatly. "Catch you later?" He didn't even turn around.
"Sure. Sure, later." Jared pasted on a smile and headed back towards Campcraft.
That was-Jensen had just blown him off. Completely. Like he didn't even know Jared at all. As signals went, that was a pretty clear one. One that said, "I got what I wanted, now fuck off."
Jared stopped to lean against a tree, thankful he had cut through a section of tents, deserted at this time of the day. He had to gulp in deep breaths-he felt like he was drowning. Jensen'd never said anything about after, never promised anything. Just told him he was hot, and that wasn’t any kind of promise at all. If Jared had assumed things that weren't there, well that was Jared's fault. Naïve, stupid Jared, assuming sex meant something. He ran a hand over his face. He'd never felt like such an idiot in his whole life.
When the trumpet blew, signaling the beginning of second period, he pushed off from the trunk and took a few shaky steps. He got steadier every step he took until by the time he got back to Campcraft he felt fine.
"Hey," Mike said, catching sight of him as Jared ducked his head through the door of the Woodchuck Hole. "You doin' okay, man? You look a little sick."
"I feel fine," Jared said, then headed to the stone fireplace to supervise as a camper tried to build a fire.
~*~
He went straight to bed after taps that night. He hadn't finished signing all the books for the Banquet but he didn't think he could lift a pen right now. He was exhausted. That whole lack of sleep thing Jensen had warned him about at the beginning of the summer was catching up with him all at once. Jensen. God. He pressed his face into the pillow.
Jared groaned when Chris poked him. "You coming down to the counselor room?" he whispered.
Jared made a negative sounding grunt.
"You look like shit-pardon my french. You need to see Alona?" Jared rolled over to see Chris crouching there, looking at him appraisingly.
"'M fine."
"Sure," Chris said, standing. "Of course you are." There was a hard edge in his voice, but it didn't feel like it was directed at him.
Jared roused himself a little. "I'm just tired."
Chris grinned at him. "Just hold on a few more days. Then you can sleep for a week. On an actual mattress, somewhere with air conditioning and bug screens." Chris stared at him a moment, then patted his shoulder . It made Jared feel like one of their campers. "Okay, then."
Mike had to let Jared out of his duties the next morning so he could finish signing the Banquet books for that evening. He wasn't the only one in the counselor room, frantically trying to finish. Jared suspected the others felt a little more sentimental about their "Have a great year"s than he did. Catch you later. Right.
Just as he was finishing the last stack of books, a point he'd thought he'd never reach, he looked up to see Alona walking in. "Hey," she smiled.
"Don't tell me you have to do these, too," Jared groaned.
"Only if I want to. There are just a few campers I want to leave notes for."
"Help yourself." Jared gestured to the box of disorganized piles of books. "They used to be in alphabetical order. I don't think they stayed that way."
"I can see that," Alona said, and started to leaf through the pile. "So, how've you enjoyed your first summer at Mahina?"
Despite himself, Jared found himself saying, "It was great." And it had been. It hadn't ended that way, but he wouldn't trade the rest of the summer, even knowing the outcome.
"You don't look like it was so great. Bummed about the summer being almost over?"
"At this point all I can think about is a king size bed and twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep."
"I hear you. I always end up crashing when I get home. It's worth it, though." She pulled a couple of books out of the morass and set them aside. "You gonna come back next year?"
Jared frowned. This he hadn't really figured out. Each of the counselors had an exit interview with Jeff where they discussed what they'd like to accomplish the next summer. Jared's was in a few hours and he had no idea what he was going to say. For most of the summer, he was sure he'd be coming back. But now, he thought about how he'd be spending the whole school year away from Texas, it didn't seem right to spend the summer away, too. Or that's what he told himself. He knew it had more to do with a certain counselor who definitely wouldn't be back. Maybe Jared should count that as a plus, but he missed Jensen already. He didn't want to spend a whole summer here being reminded of him. "I don't know," he said finally.
"You're a natural with the kids. I know a lot of them will be bummed if you don't come back."
Jared smiled. "Yeah. Who would they set you up with then?"
"Oh, they'll find somebody. You ever find out who sent the love letter?"
"I'm pretty sure it was Lizard. He and Chas weren't very subtle. You know the sad thing? That's probably the only love letter I'll ever get."
"Aw. Give me your address-I'll send you something a lot more sincere." Alona looked at him again and Jared finally recognized the look in her eye. It was the way Jensen had looked at him.
"That's okay-I don't think I want any more love notes for awhile."
Alona nodded. "Worth a shot, anyway." She smiled, and Jared could tell that she knew he didn't feel the same way.
He grabbed a slip of paper. "This is my address, though. No hard feelings?"
"You kidding? Of course not." Alona finished signing the books she'd pulled from the stack. "Well, you can say you're not sure, but you'll be back next summer. It's really hard to say goodbye to this place, you know?"
"Yeah," Jared said. He waved to her as she left, then opened the last book. "I know."
~*~
Chris had been right about the Banquet. The Barn was unrecognizable, like a woodland glen, with a giant "M" made of Queen Anne's lace over the fireplace. For a moment Jared smiled, imagining Jensen arranging the flowers, then squashed the thought. As one hundred and eighty people gathered to celebrate the two months they'd spent together, Jared couldn't help but be overwhelmed with a wave of nostalgia. Whatever else, he was going to miss this place when he was back in Texas. He thought he understood what Tom was saying-that nothing was ever quite the same as it was here. It certainly had gotten its hooks into him.
The Steves surprised Chris and Jared by singing "Time of Your Life" by Green Day. They'd rewritten the lyrics of the verses to be about camp, recounting with fondness everything from peeing on the hillside to Frog's spree of midnight kicking. They huddled around the rumpled piece of paper they'd written the lyrics on, stumbling occasionally before pressing forward. Jared even thought he saw Gecko's eyes shining suspiciously brightly. Jared felt a warm affection constrict his chest, and looked over at Chris to see him watching with rapt attention. When they finished, both Chris and Jared gave them a standing ovation. For a moment, Jared caught Jensen's eye across the room, felt that old connection between them, then Jensen looked away.
~*~
Jared felt wrung out. The last of the campers had departed on the New York bus just a few minutes ago. The whole day had been a series of goodbyes-Jared had never thought he'd see so many guys un-self-consciously crying, campers and counselors both. Even Gecko looked sad to go, despite his many protests that he hated it here. Every time parents pulled into the camp driveway in their station wagons and minivans, the remaining campers would gather round to sing them off, until the last few were just sung to by the counselors. If he had to sing "May the road rise to meet you" one more time he'd shoot someone.
The counselors had the rest of the day off. They'd spend the next morning taking down the canvas tents, dry-docking the boats and generally cleaning away the detritus of the summer, then they'd be free to leave. Jared flopped down in the grass, closing his eyes against the cloudy sky.
He was roused by someone kicking his shoe. "Fuck off, I'm sleeping." He threw an arm over his face. One of the best things about the campers leaving was the return of the four-letter word.
"Just thought you'd like to know, newbie, that Jensen's over by the tennis courts."
Jared squinted up at Chris, the sudden light making spots dance in front of his eyes. "Why should I care?"
"Oh, give it a rest. You guys have been making goo-goo eyes at each other all summer." Jared's jaw dropped. "Just thought you'd want to know he's sulking, too. By the tennis courts." Chris emphasized the last two words by making little shooing motions with his hands. Then he walked off with a shake of his head.
Jared sat up, rubbing his eyes against his exhaustion. He turned his head towards the tennis courts and could just see a lone figure, outlined against the lake. The petty part of him thought, good, let him sulk, it's his own damn fault. But most of him wanted to find out what the hell had happened to make Jensen pull away. They'd been really good together. It was worth at least one more try.
Jared rolled to his feet then loped off towards Jensen. "So," Jared said, dropping into the grass beside him. "You've been avoiding me?"
Jensen looked at him, startled, clearly lost in his own thoughts, then his eyes danced away. "Why would you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you haven't talked to me in a week? What happened a week ago? Oh, right. I lost my virginity to some asshole who didn't call the next morning." Jared toyed with the grass, pulling up blades convulsively as he talked.
Jensen cringed, gratifyingly, but he still didn't look up. "What did you expect? It was just some stupid summer fling."
If Jensen had sounded convinced, Jared might have believed him. He'd've walked away right then and written the whole summer off as romantic training wheels. But Jensen sounded tentative, almost like he wanted to be talked out of it. "You don't believe that, do you? Jensen, we were-are-great together. I don't just mean the sex, though that was…whoa… I mean us. This whole summer, I've been so comfortable with you. You can't tell me you don't feel a connection, here. Look at me!" Jensen did, and Jared could see everything there. Yearning, fear, maybe even love. For the first time, Jensen was completely exposed. "I just don't understand why you've been trying so hard to piss it all away," Jared finished quietly.
"You don't mean that," Jensen said savagely.
"What don't I mean?"
"This whole connection thing-you don't know. I feel it too, but it's not us, it's just camp. Camp is this intense…thing. We live in each other's pockets, share every moment of every day, no privacy, you know someone for a week and feel like they're the best friend you've ever had."
"So-" Jared tried to cut in, but Jensen wouldn't let him.
"-so when you leave here, it all goes away again! Right now you think you feel this 'connection' to me, but you'll go home, go to college, meet new people, start new classes, and you'll forget this whole thing." Jensen held up a finger, stopping Jared from interrupting. "You don't think you will, but you will. You'll think about writing a letter or giving me a call but stuff will get in the way and next thing you know it's June again and you haven't kept in touch with anyone. It's your first summer, Jared, you don't know what this place does to you." He leaned back on his hands with a sigh, as if saying this had released something he'd been holding inside for far too long. "And it's my last summer. So I won't be around to pick up where things left off next summer when you get back here and remember. So tomorrow you get on a bus and I get in my car and it's over. The end. Next summer you'll find someone new to crush on."
Jared looked at him for a long time. "That's why you've been so weird about this? You think when I say I've never felt this way about anyone before that I'm lying?"
Jensen looked at him pleadingly. "I didn't say you were lying."
"No, just that this whole thing," he gestured between them, "is a figment of the camp." Jensen nodded. "Like the camp has some magic fairy dust that made me fall in love with you." Jensen's eyes widened. Jared took advantage of his moment of surprise to lean in close, practically growling. "Bull. Shit."
"What did you just say?" Jensen asked quietly.
"That's complete bullshit!" Jared waved his hands, narrowly avoiding whacking Jensen. "I'm going to get to Texas and forget you exist? That's crap! How do you feel about me?"
"Wha-"
"Just answer. How do you feel about me?"
Jensen looked into Jared's eyes, voice filled with wonder. "I'm crazy about you."
"Oh my god," Jared couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice. "You are such an idiot." Then he grabbed Jensen behind the neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. Anything that happens on camp property sooner or later everyone knows about? Yeah, he wanted everyone to know about this.
They broke apart when they heard a wolf whistle behind them. Jared turned his head to see Chad applauding their performance. Jared flipped him the bird. Beside him Chris just shook his head and muttered, "Finally."
~*~
Nine months later
Jared grabbed the phone on the first ring. "Hey," he said.
"Hey, yourself. How was finals?" Even though he knew Jensen was going to call, it was always a relief to hear his voice.
"They're over. I don't want to think about them anymore."
"That bad, huh?" He could hear the laugh in Jensen's voice.
"Oh, shut up mister 3.8 GPA." Jared looked around his dorm room for a place to sit down. His options were limited. This being his first year at Duke, he'd been put in a one-room double with a guy that insisted everyone call him Trés, "like the French," which definitely wasn't the name on his birth certificate. Trés's stuff was all over every available surface of the room, with boxes of Jared's stuff taking up the rest. He not only had to pack up everything in the next twenty-four hours, he had to decide what to ship to Texas, what to put in storage for the summer and what to throw out (the chemistry textbook was definitely going in that pile). He shuffled across the floor, pushing Trés's clothes with his feet, and yelped when his toe hit a textbook hidden under the wreckage.
"You alright?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah," Jared replied, hopping. "Fuck. Just stubbed my toe on all the crap in here. God, it's a disaster area." He looked around forlornly. "Man, I'm going to have to pull an all-nighter. I was looking forward to sleeping in." He pouted.
"Poor baby," Jensen said with a distinct lack of sympathy in his voice. Jared smiled. It had been almost a year since they met and he still felt flutters in his stomach. Jensen had been wrong about them, Jared liked to point out-frequently. What he felt hadn't changed, even with going to college and meeting all sorts of new, interesting people. Nobody held a candle to Jensen. They'd only managed two visits over the year, between Jared's studies and Jensen's travel schedule for his job, but they talked on the phone almost every day. They were planning on spending a week together backpacking in June-Jared had been holding onto that thought all through finals.
He was going back to Mahina for the summer, and had heard from Chris and Tom and Mike (even Chad) that they'd all be back, too. It would be strange being there without Jensen, but Jensen had made him promise to go back. He even promised a surprise visit during the summer sometime. "Man, I can't wait to see you," Jared said.
"Yeah, about that," Jensen said with that tight little cough that always meant he was holding something back.
Jared felt his stomach drop like a stone. He slumped onto the bed, roughly pushing aside a stack of CD's. "Something came up at work," he said tonelessly. "And you can't get the time off."
"No, actually. This whole jet set consulting thing? I've decided I'm not really a fan."
"What? I thought you loved it?"
"Well, I'm going to miss the paycheck-but I gave my two weeks notice yesterday. Any chance we could go hiking for two weeks before camp?"
Jared broke out into a grin. "Oh, definitely. My mom's going to hate me, though."
"She's still got Megan to dote on, though, right? She's going to have to get used to the empty nest."
"You are a cold, cold man. You know this means she's going to make me promise to stay home next spring break, right?"
"Oh, ouch. I know how much you wanted to go hit on chicks in Tijuana." Jared wished Jensen was next to him so he could hit him.
"So what are you going to do now that you're gainfully unemployed?"
"Well," Jensen said and Jared could imagine him scratching his head in that way he always did. "I called Jeff and it's too late to sign on this summer."
"Oh, that sucks." Jared said feelingly.
"Yeah, but it got me thinking, you know? I love working with kids. So I thought I'd get my teachers certification. Be the crazy physics teacher, with the glasses."
"And the sweater vests."
"Uh, yeah, no." Jensen took a deep breath. "But anyway, I was looking around for good programs, and Duke-"
"Shut up!" Jared leaped to his feet. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, well I've always liked college basketball, and it just makes sense-"
"Shut up!" Jared stood in silence for a moment, just enjoying the thought of being around Jensen all the time next year. No more of this long distance insanity. It was too good to be believed.
"I thought you'd like that." Jensen said quietly.
"You're a bastard for not telling me sooner."
"Well, I wanted to make sure I got in before I got your hopes up."
"Oh-have you gotten an apartment yet?"
"No, I hadn't really started looking…"
"Excellent. I've signed up for housing here next year, but I can yank that pretty easily. We are going to have the sweetest apartment. I know this complex where a girl in my English class lives-you remember Lucy?-so I'll ask her if there are any vacancies, and I'm sure something will open up by September. It's pretty near the campus, and there are a couple of bars down the street, so it's perfect-"
"Wait, wait." Jensen paused. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"
Jared stopped. Shit. He was, and that was kind of a big thing. "Um…yes?" Maybe Jensen wanted to keep it more casual.
"Are you sure? I mean, this is your only time at college. Wouldn't you be missing out, living off campus?"
"Are you kidding?" Jared said. "Nobody lives in the dorms here. The only reason I signed up again is because I can't afford a one-bedroom. And you've heard all my horror stories about Trés. You think you'd be a worse roommate?"
"You've got a point. Okay."
"Okay? Is that okay okay?"
Jensen gave that laugh he got when he thought Jared was being dense. "Yeah. Okay."
The End
Now go look at the pretty, pretty art by sillyshy!
A/N: I went to a camp reunion after I finished this-the first time I'd had any contact with camp in ten years. I discovered two kind of interesting things. One-the fake name I made up for the girls camp, Camp Ohana, is no longer a fake camp. Camp Ohana just opened this Memorial Day. Two-I talked for a little bit with the director of the boys camp, this giant of a man who's been there as long as anyone remembers. After talking to him, I discovered that I was completely right about the camp director being supportive of out and proud gay counselors. So, yay!
The title, "Old Hideaway," is a nickname for my summer camp. There's even a song about it that I…uh…might have a recording of on my iPod. Maybe.
Thank you all for indulging my camp nostalgia!