THIS is Where It Gets Personal
Every now and then you have to redefine for people how you really feel. About everything. Every now and then, folks will get too comfortable with their narrowed focus of the world and express upset at your disagreement with them. Because everything is essentially about them in their worlds, they cannot see beyond where their bubble of personal space ends and the real world begins, you are forced, every now and then for the sake of honesty, to take a stand. And you are forced, every now and then, once that stand has been taken, to realize that not everyone has the same definition of love, or friendship, of promises - or passive aggression.
I have recently been accused (again, yes, it happens often, essentially every time I make a point of speaking out against oppression or BEING oppressed) of being passive aggressive and attacking people. Now, number one, I don’t think there is a person alive who hasn’t ever been passive aggressive, even if they didn’t realize it at the time. Number two, people’s definition of the word ‘attack’ (which I have posted upon before) can be wildly different. If I haven’t stated your name and that you are insert whatever offensive statement here, then I am not personally addressing YOU. The world is a big place and you are NOT the sun in it…even if your sun sign is ruled by that orb…though come to think of it, I guess this whole thing could have been motivated by the fact that the spotlight wasn’t trained on certain people when they thought it ought to be…hmmmm…will have to ponder that later. But back to defining terms…
Fundamentally you not only have a disagreement of ideals, but you have a disagreement on the definition of a word that is going to define the interaction between the two of you whether you agree with the definition or not. It’s the same way with the word ‘love’. You do NOT want to get into a relationship with someone who has a different definition of love than you do. You just don’t. No sane person would purposefully join themselves with someone who had such diametrically opposed viewpoints. If you’re mature, you can usually work toward common ground but people that can do that are few and far between when it comes to love... and just about everything else under the sun as well.
What of friendships? Friends of friends? How personal are you supposed to let that get? Would you ‘unfriend’ someone in social media because they eat at Chik-Fil-A? On principle? Then why wouldn’t you unfriend them for voting for people who make use of the funds that Chik-Fil-A raises? Does it matter if it goes to groups that attack gays and lesbians or bomb abortion clinics? It’s still a vote for SUPPORT of something to which you are diametrically opposed. Isn’t it? Isn’t consistency a mark of a thoughtful perspective? Is it not the mark of logical thinking? Apparently not. Apparently I am also going to have to redefine for myself the meaning of the words ‘logical’ and ‘consistent’ because people I thought were logical and consistent have time and again proven, to me at least, that they are not ‘consistent’ with what I believe the definition of the word to be. Am I mistaken or are they truly not what I thought them to be in the first place? I don’t find either of those choices acceptable. And for the record, I also do not unfriend people for disagreeing with me or for posting crap on my wall that I don’t like.
However, I still believe that it doesn’t matter if it is attacks on gays, bombing abortion clinics, defunding women’s health clinics, focus on family, or voter suppression, if what I spend money on supports it, I need to find a different place to spend my money.
I also need to make sure that my vote, such as it is, doesn’t go to people who OPENLY support causes like those. I need to make sure I don’t vote for people who openly express viewpoints that they should be allowed to hurt, oppress or otherwise make life difficult for someone I love based on their religious beliefs or their skin color, the life partner they choose, or if they patronize health clinics that provide abortions or other reproductive care for women.
Apparently I need to make sure that my friends understand that this kind of ‘passive aggressive’ support of oppression in all its ugly forms is repugnant to me. Also, if I express my viewpoints and you disagree - don’t post on my wall about it if you don’t want to be called out on it. Post on yours. One is your right, the other is not. I will not be held responsible for my comments upsetting people who ASSUME I am talking about them - even if I were, unless they are named, it’s NOT about them.
And while we’re at it, I don’t understand women who give birth to children and can support people who make laws that say those children don’t have the right to the health care options they want, don’t have the right to marry whom they love or that they MUST carry the child of man that had raped them - all because it protects their little bubble of the world and they don’t feel any obligation to make sure their children inherit a world where their rights are protected. It doesn’t make sense to me to have a child, and then punish them because they are female or gay. But let’s keep them away from ‘mean’ people whatever we do so they don’t get a view of the REAL world! Until they are adults that is, and then they can fend for themselves - just like George Carlin said. I grew up in that kind of oppressive environment and let me tell you - a LOT of people got hurt before I finally realized I had to let go of the blame game and love people without conditions and expectations.
I believe that we (women at least) are living in an environment where rights and privileges we THOUGHT we had WON are in danger of being taken away. Just because you won’t live to see the carnage doesn’t relieve you of the responsibility to vote like it means something to you. Women before you and even women in other countries TODAY have given their LIVES for that vote! How can you vote for the oppression that made their deaths necessary?? Wait that’s part of the REAL world, right? It’s part of the MEAN world where people call you on your shit. Well I don’t mind, have never minded calling people on their shit and that’s what this has been. If you can’t say why you would vote for the scum of the earth, then you are obviously no more than a sheeple who can’t think for themselves. And for all the things you are so damn tired of, have YOU worked a job for minimum wage lately? Have you tried to feed a child on that wage? I worked THREE fucking jobs at minimum wage and still couldn’t provide everything my kid needed. And because I was gone all the time working, I became a grandmother quite young. See what those minimum wage jobs cause? They CAUSE the need for a lot of those ‘handouts’ you keep talking about. And I never took a dime of public assistance either. I fucking worked every damn day of my daughter’s life until she was an adult. I don’t need people coming to MY wall and griping about people not wanting to work a minimum wage job. If you had to pay for your own gas you’d know that I’d have to work two hours to clear enough for gas to get two and from work for one day. So for that part time minimum wage job I would be COSTING myself money, not making it. But for all your research, you never stopped to do the fucking math because you’ve never paid for a damn thing in your life.
I would LOVE to vote for a third party candidate - but no third party candidate can win until that party is on the ballot in all 50 states. Until that time it is a wish. I was over joyed that the Green party is now on the ballot in the Tennessee primaries. I hope to be able to truly vote my conscience one day. Until that can come to pass, I am certainly not going to vote for anyone that openly stands for oppression of any kind. And yes, I am aware of the many ways that is done COVERTLY, but I am still not going to assist dilution of the vote for a candidate I can support against one that I cannot. I don’t understand people who would. I just don’t. And what’s the most frustrating is the people I care about who would vote for the Romney/Ryan ticket WON’T delineate WHY!!! Could it be that they CAN’T? They will certainly gripe about being ‘singled out’ by my postings on Facebook and this blog…but delineate why they are voting for people who would take all these hard won rights away? Actually put their money where their mouth is? Nope. Actually do some research to find out the record of these Republican sweethearts that are going to cure the country of the middle class scourge? Hardly. They just vote like their parents. Believe everything they were told growing up and follow blindly along like…yes EXACTLY like sheeple!
I do not understand. They can be offended but can’t say why? I didn’t even make it personal. They ASSUMED…and for what it’s worth, - it WASN’T even about them per se…and yet I am the one who is offensive? If I posted a sign in my yard that says “I WILL NOT VOTE REPUBLICAN!!!” I am free to do that. But that does not mean someone is free to come onto my property and berate me for posting that sign because they are a die-hard Republican. Neither is it respectful to post things on my wall just because you think I might be talking about you. My mama would say, “If the shoe fits, wear it.” And I’m inclined to agree with that sentiment. And I didn’t agree with my mama on much.
And don’t come tell me that I am ‘being disrespectful’ to you on MY wall. If I am ‘being disrespectful’ to you or you FEEL disrespected, there is a damn good chance you did something to deserve it. Don’t blame me for you feeling all icky. Pick a stand and be consistent about it. And don’t tell me you agree with me but not my method of delivery either. It’s inconsistent. Don’t knuckle under because you think I’m making it ‘personal’. Stand up for what you believe in…and if people you care about disagree with you, be fine with that. Don’t take it personally. Unless of course, they are actively supporting the oppression of an entire class of people…that would be ….dare I say it..”Wrong”…wouldn’t it? You don’t want to actually SUPPORT people who are actively doing WRONG things do you? Be my guest if you want to do that, but according to your paradigm, we can’t be “friends” anymore.
I don’t know what I’m more surprised about - that your argument is so weak or that I didn’t blast you like you accused me of doing right there on that wall…but I thought I would show you what it was like when I get PERSONAL…and this ain’t quite there because this post doesn’t contain your name. I paid for it, so I thought I’d live up to the accusation.