I Love My Life and the People In It
Today was wonderful. I made bread and homemade banana pudding. G and T had NEVER had homemade banana pudding. Frankly I'm not sure they understand that they SHOULD have had some things that they have never even heard of. I don't think she ever did anything beyond bake cookies from a stick of dough from the store.
Anyway, it was hard keeping them out of it long enough to get it packed and ready to go. Like we did at Thanksgiving, we had this massive extended family get together. Robb's sister, her husband and son, Robb's Mom and her partner and their roommate and Susan, their friend for what seems like forever, and then the boys and their girlfriends, as well as Robb's first wife K (the older boys mother) and their little sister as well as Jane's Mom and her brother. Seventeen of us altogether shared ribs and bbq chicken, my bread and pudding, some various cakes and pasta salads, oh and yeah, I made the mashed potatoes with rosemary, parsley and dill.
I slept a little later than I intended because Robb made sure not to wake me up. HE did the laundry, got the boys up, made them do their laundry and shower...all before 10am! I got up, put the bread on and made the banana pudding and then got myself ready and off we went.
Immediately as I got in the door, I was presented with flowers from both Zac and Cheyenne as well as Curtis and Jane and Robb's Mom! I bring food and they replace it with flowers! Then Zac gives me this card - mind you , he did NOT give his mother a card...or if he did, he did it before I got there. This was the kicker and made me cry. I was already missing my own daughter who was spending Mother's Day with my sister and nieces in Memphis. Missing Trudy something awful as well. And of course, my own Mother....it's odd...I miss her fiercely sometimes, but not so much today. We were more ...I don't know...not quite friends, but not a close Mother and Daughter. Mom tried as she got older to make up for some of the things that she did that made my life a living hell when I was young and when I was a young mother as well. She knew that somewhere a line had been crossed and we would never be close. I think we both perhaps wanted that closeness as we aged, but it was just not something either of us knew how to repair. Though I held her responsible for the things she did and said, I also forgave her and realized that she never intentionally hurt me. She was just a very selfish person and was never really given a good example of how you treated people you loved until she met my Daddy, whom she worshiped. She literally built her life around him. And when he died, she literally had to build a life of her own in the eighteen years she outlived him. Suffice it to say that out of difficult past, my Mother and I had reached a truce of a sort and a grudging, if conditional, respect for one another. I miss her sometimes, but Mother's Day is not one of them.
Anyway, I had a most enjoyable time lounging on the deck with a great big glass of sweet iced tea while K (Robb's ex), Jane, and her Mom told jokes. Then we told embarrassing stories about the kids. It was great, it was like Mother's revenge of the century, but all in good fun. To be honest, apart from my girlfriends, I've never in my life felt as comfortable at a family gathering as I do with these people who have taken me to them like I was one of them. I've been told before, by a person who shall not have these things, that they would 'drop me like a hot potato' if I ever 'crossed them'. This is so blatantly not true. In fact, in the worst of our times together, it has been Sandi and Lynne and even J and K who have talked me around and made me see that a man will be a man and if he acted like an ass sometimes, it was no reflection on me.
Then Zac gives me that card and I lost it. Sandi also wrapped me in a big hug and thanked me for "making my son happy again. I really thought he would never find anyone after what that bitch did to him." She carries her own guilt because it was on her advice that Robb married the con-artist. She has never forgiven herself for it. Even K, the older boy's mother, talks about how worried she was that Robb was going to grow to be a bitter old man all alone because of the things she did to him and then having the con-artist fleecy him and ruin his good name like she did and then take his kids away - which is really what hurt him the most. So much of Robb's identity is tied up in being a Dad. It's all he's ever known since he was 19. I remarked that I was a bit put out that nobody said all this before...but I guess it was because, to them, we weren't married and I could always just disappear. Now they know I'm not going anywhere I guess, although, truth be told, they have no idea how close a thing THAT was either.
About sunset, we packed up and drove the quarter mile down to Cherokee Lake so the boys could fish. The fish weren't biting nearly as much as the mosquitoes were, so that was a short trip. Then we headed home. The boys were a captive audience to our music since, for some reason, they had both left their ipod nanos at home. It's really weird that their attachment to those little devices changed so dramatically once they were told that those items were part of what their mother stole. It was in the court documents. We didn't point it out, but both of them noticed the charge to Apple and Trevor saw the charge for the cookies she sent to his school and said, "So..does that mean someone is going to come and take our nanos away? They took everything else." My heart just hammered. I didn't know what to say. Frankly, I have no idea. We never would have given them to them when they arrived if we had not been told by the probation officer that the Cote's gave their mother money to send them. Turns out...that was a lie..but the probation officer didn't yet know it. I'm not sure what will happen but I do hope they get to keep the nanos. Even though they don't seem quite as attached to them now. I know they will never say anything to the con-artist about it and will just pretend like everything is okay if she asks. But they know. They know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if anything their mother had said was true, they would not be here with us now. Grant was so sure it was all a mistake. Now with this last round of court documents....he asked a few questions and then has been oddly compliant with everything asked of him. Doing chores without being reminded, and making sure it's done correctly and not half-assed. And both of them have said they are ashamed of their grades. It seems they thought if they did poorly in school we would send them back to their mother. Now that she is back in jail, they seem resigned that this will be their permanent home.
They both even told me Happy Mother's Day. I'm not certain Robb or someone else didn't prompt them to do so, but it was still nice. I hurt for them both because children should never have to deal with this kind of thing being a truth in their lives. You cannot protect children from the truth, that would be lying. And Robb promised them that was one thing we would never do. We've kept a lot of things from them in the last few months simply because we didn't know for sure what would happen. Now that it's certain, now that she's back in custody and will not be allowed bail or supervised release, in some ways we can finally settle. She will continue to make life difficult for us, it's in her nature, she can't help herself. WE have HER possessions, we have HER children. The psychopathic personality cannot handle such things. She will continue to appeal every order and try her best to make us miserable. This time though, it's different. Apparently even the boys realize it. They never even mentioned sending their mother a card for Mother's Day. I offered....but they said 'Naa, that's okay'. Even after their father asked if they were sure. That was very strange. Her birthday is coming up too and they didn't want to get a card for that. It's disturbing on many levels that they don't seem to have the emotional attachment - really never have seemed to - that kids should have towards their mother. The only emotion I have ever seen either of them exhibit was fear. Grant DID say that he missed her alot the day we drew blood for his cholesterol test. He was so scared he was shaking. I know it's all mixed up with their fear of her being upset with them if they say anything about their lives with her. But OMG we get so much more out of what they DON'T say. It's heartbreaking.
Anyway, it's been busy and full and by golly it was a wonderful day. I love my life, and I love the people in it. It's pretty satisfying to know they love me too. It's been such a gift to know that the two sons I helped raise regard me as just as important in their lives as their biological mother. It's humbling too, but mostly? It's just...well...wonderful. I hope one day the younger two, seeing the closeness I have with Zac and Curtis, will also see that it's there for them too if they want it.
Here's a pic of the card..(notice the 'Welcome to the Family' comment, lol) The second card is one that Curtis gave me for Valentine's Day this year - which was a TOTAL surprise. I'm sure Jane had something to do with it, but it's still just awesome as far as I'm concerned. I remarked that he didn't sign it at the time, and he said..well your name's the one on the envelope. Curtis has always been much more ....distant, I guess, than Zac has. He doesn't trust women...but Jane has worked wonders with him. I'm so proud of both of them...and tickled that they both display the level of affection they do for me.
It was not perfect today...MY daughter wasn't here...but it was pretty damn close. I am one happy Momma today.
Anyway, it was hard keeping them out of it long enough to get it packed and ready to go. Like we did at Thanksgiving, we had this massive extended family get together. Robb's sister, her husband and son, Robb's Mom and her partner and their roommate and Susan, their friend for what seems like forever, and then the boys and their girlfriends, as well as Robb's first wife K (the older boys mother) and their little sister as well as Jane's Mom and her brother. Seventeen of us altogether shared ribs and bbq chicken, my bread and pudding, some various cakes and pasta salads, oh and yeah, I made the mashed potatoes with rosemary, parsley and dill.
I slept a little later than I intended because Robb made sure not to wake me up. HE did the laundry, got the boys up, made them do their laundry and shower...all before 10am! I got up, put the bread on and made the banana pudding and then got myself ready and off we went.
Immediately as I got in the door, I was presented with flowers from both Zac and Cheyenne as well as Curtis and Jane and Robb's Mom! I bring food and they replace it with flowers! Then Zac gives me this card - mind you , he did NOT give his mother a card...or if he did, he did it before I got there. This was the kicker and made me cry. I was already missing my own daughter who was spending Mother's Day with my sister and nieces in Memphis. Missing Trudy something awful as well. And of course, my own Mother....it's odd...I miss her fiercely sometimes, but not so much today. We were more ...I don't know...not quite friends, but not a close Mother and Daughter. Mom tried as she got older to make up for some of the things that she did that made my life a living hell when I was young and when I was a young mother as well. She knew that somewhere a line had been crossed and we would never be close. I think we both perhaps wanted that closeness as we aged, but it was just not something either of us knew how to repair. Though I held her responsible for the things she did and said, I also forgave her and realized that she never intentionally hurt me. She was just a very selfish person and was never really given a good example of how you treated people you loved until she met my Daddy, whom she worshiped. She literally built her life around him. And when he died, she literally had to build a life of her own in the eighteen years she outlived him. Suffice it to say that out of difficult past, my Mother and I had reached a truce of a sort and a grudging, if conditional, respect for one another. I miss her sometimes, but Mother's Day is not one of them.
Anyway, I had a most enjoyable time lounging on the deck with a great big glass of sweet iced tea while K (Robb's ex), Jane, and her Mom told jokes. Then we told embarrassing stories about the kids. It was great, it was like Mother's revenge of the century, but all in good fun. To be honest, apart from my girlfriends, I've never in my life felt as comfortable at a family gathering as I do with these people who have taken me to them like I was one of them. I've been told before, by a person who shall not have these things, that they would 'drop me like a hot potato' if I ever 'crossed them'. This is so blatantly not true. In fact, in the worst of our times together, it has been Sandi and Lynne and even J and K who have talked me around and made me see that a man will be a man and if he acted like an ass sometimes, it was no reflection on me.
Then Zac gives me that card and I lost it. Sandi also wrapped me in a big hug and thanked me for "making my son happy again. I really thought he would never find anyone after what that bitch did to him." She carries her own guilt because it was on her advice that Robb married the con-artist. She has never forgiven herself for it. Even K, the older boy's mother, talks about how worried she was that Robb was going to grow to be a bitter old man all alone because of the things she did to him and then having the con-artist fleecy him and ruin his good name like she did and then take his kids away - which is really what hurt him the most. So much of Robb's identity is tied up in being a Dad. It's all he's ever known since he was 19. I remarked that I was a bit put out that nobody said all this before...but I guess it was because, to them, we weren't married and I could always just disappear. Now they know I'm not going anywhere I guess, although, truth be told, they have no idea how close a thing THAT was either.
About sunset, we packed up and drove the quarter mile down to Cherokee Lake so the boys could fish. The fish weren't biting nearly as much as the mosquitoes were, so that was a short trip. Then we headed home. The boys were a captive audience to our music since, for some reason, they had both left their ipod nanos at home. It's really weird that their attachment to those little devices changed so dramatically once they were told that those items were part of what their mother stole. It was in the court documents. We didn't point it out, but both of them noticed the charge to Apple and Trevor saw the charge for the cookies she sent to his school and said, "So..does that mean someone is going to come and take our nanos away? They took everything else." My heart just hammered. I didn't know what to say. Frankly, I have no idea. We never would have given them to them when they arrived if we had not been told by the probation officer that the Cote's gave their mother money to send them. Turns out...that was a lie..but the probation officer didn't yet know it. I'm not sure what will happen but I do hope they get to keep the nanos. Even though they don't seem quite as attached to them now. I know they will never say anything to the con-artist about it and will just pretend like everything is okay if she asks. But they know. They know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if anything their mother had said was true, they would not be here with us now. Grant was so sure it was all a mistake. Now with this last round of court documents....he asked a few questions and then has been oddly compliant with everything asked of him. Doing chores without being reminded, and making sure it's done correctly and not half-assed. And both of them have said they are ashamed of their grades. It seems they thought if they did poorly in school we would send them back to their mother. Now that she is back in jail, they seem resigned that this will be their permanent home.
They both even told me Happy Mother's Day. I'm not certain Robb or someone else didn't prompt them to do so, but it was still nice. I hurt for them both because children should never have to deal with this kind of thing being a truth in their lives. You cannot protect children from the truth, that would be lying. And Robb promised them that was one thing we would never do. We've kept a lot of things from them in the last few months simply because we didn't know for sure what would happen. Now that it's certain, now that she's back in custody and will not be allowed bail or supervised release, in some ways we can finally settle. She will continue to make life difficult for us, it's in her nature, she can't help herself. WE have HER possessions, we have HER children. The psychopathic personality cannot handle such things. She will continue to appeal every order and try her best to make us miserable. This time though, it's different. Apparently even the boys realize it. They never even mentioned sending their mother a card for Mother's Day. I offered....but they said 'Naa, that's okay'. Even after their father asked if they were sure. That was very strange. Her birthday is coming up too and they didn't want to get a card for that. It's disturbing on many levels that they don't seem to have the emotional attachment - really never have seemed to - that kids should have towards their mother. The only emotion I have ever seen either of them exhibit was fear. Grant DID say that he missed her alot the day we drew blood for his cholesterol test. He was so scared he was shaking. I know it's all mixed up with their fear of her being upset with them if they say anything about their lives with her. But OMG we get so much more out of what they DON'T say. It's heartbreaking.
Anyway, it's been busy and full and by golly it was a wonderful day. I love my life, and I love the people in it. It's pretty satisfying to know they love me too. It's been such a gift to know that the two sons I helped raise regard me as just as important in their lives as their biological mother. It's humbling too, but mostly? It's just...well...wonderful. I hope one day the younger two, seeing the closeness I have with Zac and Curtis, will also see that it's there for them too if they want it.
Here's a pic of the card..(notice the 'Welcome to the Family' comment, lol) The second card is one that Curtis gave me for Valentine's Day this year - which was a TOTAL surprise. I'm sure Jane had something to do with it, but it's still just awesome as far as I'm concerned. I remarked that he didn't sign it at the time, and he said..well your name's the one on the envelope. Curtis has always been much more ....distant, I guess, than Zac has. He doesn't trust women...but Jane has worked wonders with him. I'm so proud of both of them...and tickled that they both display the level of affection they do for me.
It was not perfect today...MY daughter wasn't here...but it was pretty damn close. I am one happy Momma today.