Festival Soup
Well, FOS this year was a success, though I’d hesitate to call it a resounding one, but a success in that people came, liked the food and entertainment and nobody asked for their money back. The stuff going on behind the scenes, while always tiresome in the drama department, had an added element of oddness this year for me. That’s about all I can say on even a friends locked entry as far as my personal impressions go. It was …like always…a pivotal time for me - when things change and either get better or worse or cease to be a problem or change to become new problems.
A couple things though really got my goat:
1. A really good person who is no longer in complete control of their actions is always painful to watch.
Being powerless to stop their continued self sabotage is also painful to experience.
2. Another really good person exercised some really shitty judgment…AGAIN.
Add to that various and sundry ill-advised actions and reactions and you have the normal consistency of ‘Festival Soup’
There were two other elements that ‘bothered’ me personally, and several others that set off alarm bells as well as a couple that pushed me firmly into ‘Deal with it’ territory - if you’ve been there, you know it always happens at the time when you are least ABLE to ‘deal’ with it. It was a relief, and a burden, all at once. But it was progress, so I suppose that’s good.
One of my Elders had her little way with me and another fellow Minister. Neither of us was ready or really vested in what she did to us - and yes, it required our permission - but how do you say “no” to someone like that? And knowing it would happen sooner or later anyway…well we might as well get it over with. It’s supposed to be a Community rite but I still ended up feeling like the community didn’t get much of a say in it. I think some - perhaps many would have had serious objections. And therein lies the rub, you can’t please ALL the people ALL the time. While I know that, I’d still prefer to KNOW that the scale was at least weighted in our favor.
The thing that is bothering me the most is the phalanx of Realm Students who think just because they ‘did the work’ (and some of them didn’t even do that!) they are ‘entitled’ to pass. Yes, a certain number of points has to be garnered, but there are other things that are required. A sense of entitlement, regardless of the state of one’s personal spiritual practice, for me, is just plain insulting. Doing the minimum to get by and then being unable to articulate core principles in a satisfactory manner just gripes me big time. Just because you’ve been in the ‘community’ for years doesn’t mean jack shit unless you’ve contributed to it. Coven experience does not equal ‘community experience’ or ‘service’ to said community. Even with service firmly under one’s belt, there are still things that can and do make one unsuitable for the title of Minister - such as being unable to manage one’s life in a satisfactory manner - meaning provision for self and issue, a roof, transportation, a job, and no variances with the laws of the land - and the former of these done with the fruits of their own efforts and not a husband/wife or parent. These aren’t things that anyone else apparently cares about. But I think they speak volumes about a person’s ability to set a worthy example. It worries me that people who don’t meet the minimum spiritual standards for Clergy will one day expect to become Ministers just because they’ve written a few essays and may have attended enough Realm Classes and worked their asses off at a few festivals to collect enough points to ‘pass’. Yeah, these people deserve our thanks and our respect, but if their lives are not arranged to provide a decent example of propriety - why should we install them as Ministers? That bothers me a whole lot more than the relatively young age of some of them, which is another wholly different problem. At least youth gets solved with time and experience.
I guess I am guilty again of imposing my standards on others without their knowledge or consent - but dammit…shouldn’t a MINISTER ‘get’ that? Common sense should tell you that writing a few essays, reading a few books and answering some tough questions isn’t the whole ball of wax when it comes to qualifications for a Minister. I don’t see anything wrong with having standards and sticking to them, but something tells me that sometime in the not too distant future, some people, perhaps myself, will be faced with some difficult decisions.
I know I have the will to take a hard line on this. Perhaps that’s what my elder had in mind when she invested us with that rite - because it gave us that power. It looked deceptively simple. But gods the weight of those words…when you mean it, that is….is not something to be taken on without a good lot of forethought. What I am worried about is going head to head with fellow Ministers over these issues because frankly, some of them will have to examine their own examples. Sure, a person’s life changes, they may be up one year and down the next, but the overall theme should be one of stability. Otherwise, nobody listens to you - because they think you’re a joke. I can’t, could never, live like that. But there are those that see nothing whatsoever wrong with not having a stable life example. There are several in the greater community who abuse whatever system they can to garner their needs. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why anyone would TAKE public assistance unless they had no other choice - you know, like working? There are people in the world who TRULY need those funds. Able bodied, sound minded, people should not. But that’s just my opinion.
And I don't understand those who would take and abuse the trust of others to satisfy their own egos. I don't understand the wholesale bastardization of a religion. I don't understand terms like "Warrior" and "Wiccan" the way they are defined in this arena. The don't mean anything like what they started out meaning. It saddens me that so much of my faith is appropriated for use by those who have no clue what the things they are doing actually mean other than what some book said or some other source said it was 'supposed' to symbolize. It's like being in a family of a particular name and having some person no one in the family knows or has ever met come and pretend to be one of the family, claiming the name and ancestry and recipes and then distributing them amongst anyone who will listen. It's like thinking you're going to talk to someone who's actually had sex with another person and figuring out from the way they talk and brag that they have never actually been joined to another human body in the act of sexual congress. Like diamonds and cubic zirconia. I love cubic zirconia, it's beautiful and it doesn't cost alot and won't bother me if I lose it because it didn't cost me much in the first place. A diamond on the other hand would make most people lose their minds if they lost it. It's all about the perception of value. Most of the people don't even realize that if they lost what they have, they could replace it easily and be just as happy.
Anyway, this is just me venting. I wish I could say I had a 'good' time. But the more accurate description is that I had a 'productive' time and really did enjoy connection with the people of my chosen kin...even if I can't really call them blood relations in either literal or figurative sense.
I got to see my daughter and grandson. I feel terribly guilty that I did not get to see my Mom. I just didn't have the time and it gnaws at me. But at the same time, it's not like she took the time to come see me when I did live five minutes from her house. So I shouldn't feel too guilty...but once again intellectually understanding something does nothing to help one accept it emotionally.
This whole trip was an exercise in the acceptance that some things won't ever be understood....but that love remains...and sometimes, that's what truly matters.
I'm okay with that.
A couple things though really got my goat:
1. A really good person who is no longer in complete control of their actions is always painful to watch.
Being powerless to stop their continued self sabotage is also painful to experience.
2. Another really good person exercised some really shitty judgment…AGAIN.
Add to that various and sundry ill-advised actions and reactions and you have the normal consistency of ‘Festival Soup’
There were two other elements that ‘bothered’ me personally, and several others that set off alarm bells as well as a couple that pushed me firmly into ‘Deal with it’ territory - if you’ve been there, you know it always happens at the time when you are least ABLE to ‘deal’ with it. It was a relief, and a burden, all at once. But it was progress, so I suppose that’s good.
One of my Elders had her little way with me and another fellow Minister. Neither of us was ready or really vested in what she did to us - and yes, it required our permission - but how do you say “no” to someone like that? And knowing it would happen sooner or later anyway…well we might as well get it over with. It’s supposed to be a Community rite but I still ended up feeling like the community didn’t get much of a say in it. I think some - perhaps many would have had serious objections. And therein lies the rub, you can’t please ALL the people ALL the time. While I know that, I’d still prefer to KNOW that the scale was at least weighted in our favor.
The thing that is bothering me the most is the phalanx of Realm Students who think just because they ‘did the work’ (and some of them didn’t even do that!) they are ‘entitled’ to pass. Yes, a certain number of points has to be garnered, but there are other things that are required. A sense of entitlement, regardless of the state of one’s personal spiritual practice, for me, is just plain insulting. Doing the minimum to get by and then being unable to articulate core principles in a satisfactory manner just gripes me big time. Just because you’ve been in the ‘community’ for years doesn’t mean jack shit unless you’ve contributed to it. Coven experience does not equal ‘community experience’ or ‘service’ to said community. Even with service firmly under one’s belt, there are still things that can and do make one unsuitable for the title of Minister - such as being unable to manage one’s life in a satisfactory manner - meaning provision for self and issue, a roof, transportation, a job, and no variances with the laws of the land - and the former of these done with the fruits of their own efforts and not a husband/wife or parent. These aren’t things that anyone else apparently cares about. But I think they speak volumes about a person’s ability to set a worthy example. It worries me that people who don’t meet the minimum spiritual standards for Clergy will one day expect to become Ministers just because they’ve written a few essays and may have attended enough Realm Classes and worked their asses off at a few festivals to collect enough points to ‘pass’. Yeah, these people deserve our thanks and our respect, but if their lives are not arranged to provide a decent example of propriety - why should we install them as Ministers? That bothers me a whole lot more than the relatively young age of some of them, which is another wholly different problem. At least youth gets solved with time and experience.
I guess I am guilty again of imposing my standards on others without their knowledge or consent - but dammit…shouldn’t a MINISTER ‘get’ that? Common sense should tell you that writing a few essays, reading a few books and answering some tough questions isn’t the whole ball of wax when it comes to qualifications for a Minister. I don’t see anything wrong with having standards and sticking to them, but something tells me that sometime in the not too distant future, some people, perhaps myself, will be faced with some difficult decisions.
I know I have the will to take a hard line on this. Perhaps that’s what my elder had in mind when she invested us with that rite - because it gave us that power. It looked deceptively simple. But gods the weight of those words…when you mean it, that is….is not something to be taken on without a good lot of forethought. What I am worried about is going head to head with fellow Ministers over these issues because frankly, some of them will have to examine their own examples. Sure, a person’s life changes, they may be up one year and down the next, but the overall theme should be one of stability. Otherwise, nobody listens to you - because they think you’re a joke. I can’t, could never, live like that. But there are those that see nothing whatsoever wrong with not having a stable life example. There are several in the greater community who abuse whatever system they can to garner their needs. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why anyone would TAKE public assistance unless they had no other choice - you know, like working? There are people in the world who TRULY need those funds. Able bodied, sound minded, people should not. But that’s just my opinion.
And I don't understand those who would take and abuse the trust of others to satisfy their own egos. I don't understand the wholesale bastardization of a religion. I don't understand terms like "Warrior" and "Wiccan" the way they are defined in this arena. The don't mean anything like what they started out meaning. It saddens me that so much of my faith is appropriated for use by those who have no clue what the things they are doing actually mean other than what some book said or some other source said it was 'supposed' to symbolize. It's like being in a family of a particular name and having some person no one in the family knows or has ever met come and pretend to be one of the family, claiming the name and ancestry and recipes and then distributing them amongst anyone who will listen. It's like thinking you're going to talk to someone who's actually had sex with another person and figuring out from the way they talk and brag that they have never actually been joined to another human body in the act of sexual congress. Like diamonds and cubic zirconia. I love cubic zirconia, it's beautiful and it doesn't cost alot and won't bother me if I lose it because it didn't cost me much in the first place. A diamond on the other hand would make most people lose their minds if they lost it. It's all about the perception of value. Most of the people don't even realize that if they lost what they have, they could replace it easily and be just as happy.
Anyway, this is just me venting. I wish I could say I had a 'good' time. But the more accurate description is that I had a 'productive' time and really did enjoy connection with the people of my chosen kin...even if I can't really call them blood relations in either literal or figurative sense.
I got to see my daughter and grandson. I feel terribly guilty that I did not get to see my Mom. I just didn't have the time and it gnaws at me. But at the same time, it's not like she took the time to come see me when I did live five minutes from her house. So I shouldn't feel too guilty...but once again intellectually understanding something does nothing to help one accept it emotionally.
This whole trip was an exercise in the acceptance that some things won't ever be understood....but that love remains...and sometimes, that's what truly matters.
I'm okay with that.