(no subject)
w00t!
(OH! its eugene^^;;)
new journal time.
i got sick of my old one mainly cause i couldnt get through my thick skull that i should STOP encrypting it^^;;
but yes, i decided ill tell everything about everything on this(well, not everything>.>)
if me friends get pissed at me, well...im fucked now, aint i^^?
AND dont take my thoughts seriously, cause theyre MY thoughts. if you decide to not like me/hate me, or feel self-concious about something i write/wrote, dont, but if you do, just talk to me about it.
WELL THEN, lets start:
latley ive been thinking about love alot, to the extent where im annoying myself^^;;
its kinda hard not to seeing in the situation im in. my 2 best friends found theyre love, another just broke up with his "love" of his life. and its kind of not hard to think about it. the sorrow it causes, the happiness it causes. i want it.
i have been in love, ive been dumped, ive felt the good and the bad, yet i want it. why?
dunno, its unexplainable. yet i yearn for it. and looking at my friends makes me think ill never find it. not because im jealous/envious and the like. i just look at how young they found love and im afraid ill try to hard, to little, or just fuck up on finding it. because i want it NOW. and this instills a fear in me that i cant possibly not think about:
the thought of having nothing to love.
its unavoidable for me not thinking about that. and i hate thinking about it.
it makes me think ill be a failure in life. because that the only thing we live for: hapiness. and to tell you the truth, theres 2 things in life that i would conisder my ultimate hapiness:
living like a bum on the beach drinking booze and living like a bum till my kidney/liver explodes.
or:
dying with the fact that i loved someone until i died, and who knows, maybe loving them in the afterlife.
id REALLY prefer the 2nd one, but it would be all good^^.
but i know i cant doubt myself in the least. and i wish i wouldnt even have a thought about it(my doubt that is). now, am i rushing it too fast(i? the impatient little monkey?)? or should i just HOPE it kicks me in the nuts the BAM, im in love?..........
i think id rather rush it^^.
id rather fuck up and be heart broken for a while, heal, then comeback stronger, wiser, and the like.
although right now i dont really want to do anything about it(i leave to mexico in around a month and a half, after all), and if i find someone during that span, well goddamnit, ill have to stay now wont i^^?
-end-
(OH! its eugene^^;;)
new journal time.
i got sick of my old one mainly cause i couldnt get through my thick skull that i should STOP encrypting it^^;;
but yes, i decided ill tell everything about everything on this(well, not everything>.>)
if me friends get pissed at me, well...im fucked now, aint i^^?
AND dont take my thoughts seriously, cause theyre MY thoughts. if you decide to not like me/hate me, or feel self-concious about something i write/wrote, dont, but if you do, just talk to me about it.
WELL THEN, lets start:
latley ive been thinking about love alot, to the extent where im annoying myself^^;;
its kinda hard not to seeing in the situation im in. my 2 best friends found theyre love, another just broke up with his "love" of his life. and its kind of not hard to think about it. the sorrow it causes, the happiness it causes. i want it.
i have been in love, ive been dumped, ive felt the good and the bad, yet i want it. why?
dunno, its unexplainable. yet i yearn for it. and looking at my friends makes me think ill never find it. not because im jealous/envious and the like. i just look at how young they found love and im afraid ill try to hard, to little, or just fuck up on finding it. because i want it NOW. and this instills a fear in me that i cant possibly not think about:
the thought of having nothing to love.
its unavoidable for me not thinking about that. and i hate thinking about it.
it makes me think ill be a failure in life. because that the only thing we live for: hapiness. and to tell you the truth, theres 2 things in life that i would conisder my ultimate hapiness:
living like a bum on the beach drinking booze and living like a bum till my kidney/liver explodes.
or:
dying with the fact that i loved someone until i died, and who knows, maybe loving them in the afterlife.
id REALLY prefer the 2nd one, but it would be all good^^.
but i know i cant doubt myself in the least. and i wish i wouldnt even have a thought about it(my doubt that is). now, am i rushing it too fast(i? the impatient little monkey?)? or should i just HOPE it kicks me in the nuts the BAM, im in love?..........
i think id rather rush it^^.
id rather fuck up and be heart broken for a while, heal, then comeback stronger, wiser, and the like.
although right now i dont really want to do anything about it(i leave to mexico in around a month and a half, after all), and if i find someone during that span, well goddamnit, ill have to stay now wont i^^?
-end-