You make me completely miserable...
At the fair today...
It was fun. I went on all sorts of rides, something before I never thought I could do. I remember I used to be so afraid, but they aren't bad...
I had a great time. Ashley's awesome, and I hope we get to hang out more. But something else...
Is completely wrong. It's always wrong, I can't make it right. I can't change the way things are between people, and at times like now...
I can't help but cry. I can't change me, I'll always be the same. I'll never be different, I'll never have my old best friend back,and I'm still...just as lonely as I have been. I think before I was somehow mislead. Having love only made me happy for a short time. When it was gone...I was lonely again. Love isn't permanant, feelings and emotions themselves aren't here to stay, and neither are friends. How I feel honestly doesn't much pertain to Andrea, but I just remember today...
Since when did she start caring so much what people think? She used to think getting all covered in makeup, and "dolling"(for lack of a better word..) yourself up was a waste of time. Now since she met her new friends, all she cares abuot is her image and getting some boyfriend, I swear! Looknig nice is great and all, but that's not...the Andrea I remember...not at all. She didn't care what trends were, or try to change herself just so she could be accepted. I don't like this woman she's becoming because it's everything she swore never to be. I thought about trying to talk to her, and attempting to pretend as if nothing was wrong. I can't do it though. I still can't believe what she's doing, and I can't say I really want to be the friend of someone like that. We just aren't the same anymore. She's changing like most of our old friends have, and I, like so few other of the people I've known, am still the same old Skyler. Is it really a good thing?
...Not really, but we'll pretend, like I do for so many other things.
I don't think I'll be attending school tomorrow at all. I'll spend the at home, and finally have the alone time I've needed so badly over the last three weeks. I'm tired of being in the company of someone else day in and day out. I just need some time by my lonesome, where I'm free to do whatever I want, including go on the computer without someone reading what I'm typing over my shoulder. Fuck, that is annoying... But I digress. I don't think I've been in the greatest mood the last few days, maybe having some time to myself will work...
to heal some things, anyway. Others are so far out of my reach. I hate...relationships. I hate waking up early, and I loathe the kinds of days when I'm so sad...I can't help but cry in class. Like today. The reason I'll leave unnamed, but...something is just getting so hard to take any longer. I think about it all the time, and something I saw today just pushed me over the edge. I don't know how much more I can handle...
I should go to bed though, I guess. In the off chance I actually do attempt to go to school late in the day. Probably won't happen, especially since my binder's in Deb's van. :/
Tonight I think I only love the Puyallup Fair, the "German Alternative" ride >_>, scones, and my new red & blue frog plushies Reddy and Bluey, because everything, and everyone else seems a tad corrupt.
It was fun. I went on all sorts of rides, something before I never thought I could do. I remember I used to be so afraid, but they aren't bad...
I had a great time. Ashley's awesome, and I hope we get to hang out more. But something else...
Is completely wrong. It's always wrong, I can't make it right. I can't change the way things are between people, and at times like now...
I can't help but cry. I can't change me, I'll always be the same. I'll never be different, I'll never have my old best friend back,and I'm still...just as lonely as I have been. I think before I was somehow mislead. Having love only made me happy for a short time. When it was gone...I was lonely again. Love isn't permanant, feelings and emotions themselves aren't here to stay, and neither are friends. How I feel honestly doesn't much pertain to Andrea, but I just remember today...
Since when did she start caring so much what people think? She used to think getting all covered in makeup, and "dolling"(for lack of a better word..) yourself up was a waste of time. Now since she met her new friends, all she cares abuot is her image and getting some boyfriend, I swear! Looknig nice is great and all, but that's not...the Andrea I remember...not at all. She didn't care what trends were, or try to change herself just so she could be accepted. I don't like this woman she's becoming because it's everything she swore never to be. I thought about trying to talk to her, and attempting to pretend as if nothing was wrong. I can't do it though. I still can't believe what she's doing, and I can't say I really want to be the friend of someone like that. We just aren't the same anymore. She's changing like most of our old friends have, and I, like so few other of the people I've known, am still the same old Skyler. Is it really a good thing?
...Not really, but we'll pretend, like I do for so many other things.
I don't think I'll be attending school tomorrow at all. I'll spend the at home, and finally have the alone time I've needed so badly over the last three weeks. I'm tired of being in the company of someone else day in and day out. I just need some time by my lonesome, where I'm free to do whatever I want, including go on the computer without someone reading what I'm typing over my shoulder. Fuck, that is annoying... But I digress. I don't think I've been in the greatest mood the last few days, maybe having some time to myself will work...
to heal some things, anyway. Others are so far out of my reach. I hate...relationships. I hate waking up early, and I loathe the kinds of days when I'm so sad...I can't help but cry in class. Like today. The reason I'll leave unnamed, but...something is just getting so hard to take any longer. I think about it all the time, and something I saw today just pushed me over the edge. I don't know how much more I can handle...
I should go to bed though, I guess. In the off chance I actually do attempt to go to school late in the day. Probably won't happen, especially since my binder's in Deb's van. :/
Tonight I think I only love the Puyallup Fair, the "German Alternative" ride >_>, scones, and my new red & blue frog plushies Reddy and Bluey, because everything, and everyone else seems a tad corrupt.