So I was thinking!
Dear friends,
I´d like to thank all of you who replied to my previous post. Believe or not, you´ve been much of help.
Today, after 2 hours of studying copies I got from the National Library yesterday, I wanted 30 minutes of rest before going to write down what I just learned in my thesis. I went to watch Glee. But I didn´t get chance to finish. Because my father´s friend just came and decided to give me advise too.
"Time of studies are the best, believe me. You get so much of precious memories at university." - Memories? All I remember as a great memory is me getting chance to go for half a year in Korea, but otherwise? All my memories are separation from those I wanted to be with, job taking majority of my time out of school which resulted in losing contact with friends at home and opportunity to meet with people from school too, not being able to find a single friend or person to hang out in work either, cause... I was only "the part-timer", losing most of my self-confidence to teachers who , chronologicaly, called me idiot, stupid bitch and illiterate
"You only graduating with BA degree? No way, that´s like...nothing! Today BA degree is like graduating highschool, everyone do it, it won´t get you anything. You got to continue for MA degree. Life after school without it is terrible, believe me, I am there." - Yeah, my bad to be born at sick elitist Europe 20 century. My bad that I was born in Czech republic where BA degree means for most of the people lable saying "uni-drop-out". My bad that I wasn´t born in country where BA degree means "graduated."
So here are results of my meditation.
I am not able to write the thesis while working. I proved myself many times that I am not multitask person. I cut down my part time job and that´s how I plan to have it and aim for the graduation in June. (And yeah, it makes me sad to see that there actually are people around who can take up the job, graduate and do wahtever they take up to along. And yes, it makes me feel unable...)
And after graduation, as my mom and the korean friend I work for said. I am fluent in Korean. Korea goes to the world while the world is totally not prepared for it. There will always be opportunities for me. Now or after the graduation. Always.
I do give up on uni. Academical field is not for me. I tried to persuade myself, my parents and teachers for 4 years and the result is tragical. No.
I though give up on finding normal job for sake of settling down right after graduation. Most of you, friends, advised me to go for chellange, use my talent to get me where I want to be. So I´ll do that. I won´t get scared of time-demanding possitions but try them and safe the big money I´ll be offered. After saving enough to have my life comfortably started, I can always quit and start the normal job and social life, right?
What I miss now, is any community out of family that I could belong to. People to go out with in order to meet new people, maybe find someone to date too. No relationship, geez, I tried that in Winter and with all the mess I have in my life now is just...not right to be in relationship now. No, but.... friends, outing, dating. I wasn´t able to find that for long 4 years at uni, I hope that even in demanding work place I will find someone like that.
So what do you say? It´s ok to wait till I graduate, right? But after that, I will totally make use of all I learned to get the statuse and money that are accessable for me thanks to the field I majored. I can always run away if it gets unbearable after few years.
Once more, all of you, thank you ♥
I would especially like to thank you for not enraging me with "awesome university memories and times". My life ever since I entered university sucked, and I hate people who force their oppinion on me without carring to know what I´ve been through. Much more people like my father´s friend, who´s a plumber and didn´t even get himself to finish high school.
Iv.
PS: Dear Elpi
More than ever, I envy you that you were able to tune out all the people around telling you such a things and go where your heart´ve had been calling you. Thanks for ... being Elpi with me, eventhough I am just talking about being one, never having enough courage to act like one too.
I´d like to thank all of you who replied to my previous post. Believe or not, you´ve been much of help.
Today, after 2 hours of studying copies I got from the National Library yesterday, I wanted 30 minutes of rest before going to write down what I just learned in my thesis. I went to watch Glee. But I didn´t get chance to finish. Because my father´s friend just came and decided to give me advise too.
"Time of studies are the best, believe me. You get so much of precious memories at university." - Memories? All I remember as a great memory is me getting chance to go for half a year in Korea, but otherwise? All my memories are separation from those I wanted to be with, job taking majority of my time out of school which resulted in losing contact with friends at home and opportunity to meet with people from school too, not being able to find a single friend or person to hang out in work either, cause... I was only "the part-timer", losing most of my self-confidence to teachers who , chronologicaly, called me idiot, stupid bitch and illiterate
"You only graduating with BA degree? No way, that´s like...nothing! Today BA degree is like graduating highschool, everyone do it, it won´t get you anything. You got to continue for MA degree. Life after school without it is terrible, believe me, I am there." - Yeah, my bad to be born at sick elitist Europe 20 century. My bad that I was born in Czech republic where BA degree means for most of the people lable saying "uni-drop-out". My bad that I wasn´t born in country where BA degree means "graduated."
So here are results of my meditation.
I am not able to write the thesis while working. I proved myself many times that I am not multitask person. I cut down my part time job and that´s how I plan to have it and aim for the graduation in June. (And yeah, it makes me sad to see that there actually are people around who can take up the job, graduate and do wahtever they take up to along. And yes, it makes me feel unable...)
And after graduation, as my mom and the korean friend I work for said. I am fluent in Korean. Korea goes to the world while the world is totally not prepared for it. There will always be opportunities for me. Now or after the graduation. Always.
I do give up on uni. Academical field is not for me. I tried to persuade myself, my parents and teachers for 4 years and the result is tragical. No.
I though give up on finding normal job for sake of settling down right after graduation. Most of you, friends, advised me to go for chellange, use my talent to get me where I want to be. So I´ll do that. I won´t get scared of time-demanding possitions but try them and safe the big money I´ll be offered. After saving enough to have my life comfortably started, I can always quit and start the normal job and social life, right?
What I miss now, is any community out of family that I could belong to. People to go out with in order to meet new people, maybe find someone to date too. No relationship, geez, I tried that in Winter and with all the mess I have in my life now is just...not right to be in relationship now. No, but.... friends, outing, dating. I wasn´t able to find that for long 4 years at uni, I hope that even in demanding work place I will find someone like that.
So what do you say? It´s ok to wait till I graduate, right? But after that, I will totally make use of all I learned to get the statuse and money that are accessable for me thanks to the field I majored. I can always run away if it gets unbearable after few years.
Once more, all of you, thank you ♥
I would especially like to thank you for not enraging me with "awesome university memories and times". My life ever since I entered university sucked, and I hate people who force their oppinion on me without carring to know what I´ve been through. Much more people like my father´s friend, who´s a plumber and didn´t even get himself to finish high school.
Iv.
PS: Dear Elpi
More than ever, I envy you that you were able to tune out all the people around telling you such a things and go where your heart´ve had been calling you. Thanks for ... being Elpi with me, eventhough I am just talking about being one, never having enough courage to act like one too.