(no subject)

[ivlyn]

one of those days where i feel really worthless again. i had activities today, so i went back to school((obvious)). my friend wasn't there today, so i just started sitting down at this random seat while waiting for activities to start. it was then that i started to feel really alone, like how i am really there but at the same time i'm not, since people were not actually acknowledging my existence. so activities were done and i was on the way home. i just started feeling really down again, like what exactly is my purpose in life?! then i thought about how it would be better if my mother didn't give birth to me, since then my family would probably be richer since they would cut down on the cost of living. and i started thinking about how if i died, people actually wouldn't care. i started thinking about how my friends wouldn't care, how my friends wouldn't cry even though that might not be the case. i just can't help it. once i start thinking about negative thoughts, these thoughts always popped up. i was on the bus, and i was just thinking real hard, i was just feeling really bad i almost cried. but i came home, and i immediately felt better. i guess this is what family means, to make you feel better when you are at your worst, when you feel worthless. trust me, looking at pictures of your idols help too, since i usually feel better when i see shori's face as well.
if you ever need anybody to talk to, feel free to talk to me, cause i simply know how that feel, when you're almost drowning in your thoughts but you have nobody to talk to.
sorry i'm not making sense.