After school
I feel as though life has been ripped from me. I knew it'd happen this way. I knew I'd lose that wonderful joy of having so many dear friends near me all the time. I knew I'd have trouble trying to find any sense of purpose ... everything feels so packaged and processed I feel as though I'm forsaking my own humanity living in a lake house with all the amenities of comfort a human can request. The job I have isn't what I was hoping for, looking for, nor told I'd have when I reached this age. I was supposed to doing something I enjoyed, something I could live for. Now I find it hard not to sleep away the days. I've lost the music in me.
I knew it'd be like this, and though it's royally stifling and oft depressing, I've had glimpses of a sense of purpose I may still be able to cling to if I leave home and simply move near my work. Near my work ... are people. Community. Oh how I have missed it. From churches to the bars, I've missed it all. People form different walks of life. Oh how I wish to rejoin others from vast different viewpoints on discussions on life, spirituality and truth. ... I sound like a bohemian...
I knew I'd feel ripped from the friendships that meant so much to me over the past seven years, and although it's so painful, I know that the friendships were worth having, and the times spent late into evening were not spent in vain. I know that I do have people who care about me. Fondly too. Thinking on it hurts for a while, but joy comes and lessens those hurts when I remember why we're apart. Having known I'd feel my heart ripped this way is strangely comforting. I've felt this before. I've been here before. And even after that I was able to find meaning, a sense of purpose and life, and dear, dear friends.
It's easy to lose myself in thinking of what I've lost, but yet I am filled with a sense of awe of all I found during my time in college. I pray I may yet be honest to heart and soul, and live what I've learned.
I knew it'd be like this, and though it's royally stifling and oft depressing, I've had glimpses of a sense of purpose I may still be able to cling to if I leave home and simply move near my work. Near my work ... are people. Community. Oh how I have missed it. From churches to the bars, I've missed it all. People form different walks of life. Oh how I wish to rejoin others from vast different viewpoints on discussions on life, spirituality and truth. ... I sound like a bohemian...
I knew I'd feel ripped from the friendships that meant so much to me over the past seven years, and although it's so painful, I know that the friendships were worth having, and the times spent late into evening were not spent in vain. I know that I do have people who care about me. Fondly too. Thinking on it hurts for a while, but joy comes and lessens those hurts when I remember why we're apart. Having known I'd feel my heart ripped this way is strangely comforting. I've felt this before. I've been here before. And even after that I was able to find meaning, a sense of purpose and life, and dear, dear friends.
It's easy to lose myself in thinking of what I've lost, but yet I am filled with a sense of awe of all I found during my time in college. I pray I may yet be honest to heart and soul, and live what I've learned.