Different Names for the Same Thing (drabble)
Title: Different Names for the Same Thing
Author: ivesia19
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan (mention of Brendon/Sarah)
POV: 3rd limited (Brendon)
Summary: Brendon's not a bad person.
Disclaimer: Fake. Fiction. False. Other f words.
Beta: habezweikatzen
Warnings: Cheating (I know, usually it's such a squick of mine, but here you have it) and a little dark
Author Note: First panic drabble in forever. Ideas have been bouncing as of late.
-----
The first time it happens it's an accident. At least, that's what Brendon tells himself as he leans back further against the new leather couch that he and Sarah had picked out together only the month before. With his back digging into the cushioning, Ryan has more than enough room to situate himself on top of Brendon.
So, it's an accident. But it's one that Brendon's been thinking about for a while. One that he doesn't try to stop, because he knew it was coming when Ryan had leaned in with that look in his eyes, and instead of saying something or stopping him, Brendon had been the one to pull him in for that kiss.
And the kiss keeps going.
It's not like the ones he remembers from those stupid dares when he and Ryan were so buzzed with new-found fame and excitement and freedom. The hesitance that laces each kiss now isn't because of the expectations others (the fans, the band, his family). The only reason Brendon's hands hesitate from pulling at Ryan's shirt and his legs don't fall open so that Ryan can align their hips is because it isn't just Brendon and Ryan anymore, and Brendon's not an asshole.
He pulls back.
Ryan's eyes are unfocused and his mouth looks wet and red, and fuck, Brendon doesn't know how he manages to keep the distance, but he does.
"No," he says, and he pushes Ryan up. "We're not going to do this to her."
Ryan doesn't say a word, and the slam of the door when he leaves makes Brendon jump.
----
Brendon doesn't see Ryan for two months, and when they do see each other, neither one is alone.
It's at a restaurant that Sarah had been bugging him to take her to for a while now, and the food is actually really good. It's like any other night out. It's easy. Sarah laughs and smiles, and Brendon thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world. And that's when he sees Ryan.
He's there with some girl - some girl that Brendon's never seen before, but she fits Ryan's type down to her long blond hair and Bohemian outfit.
It hits him how different they are - how he must look to Ryan, sitting here with his smiling girlfriend, their hands clasped tight ever since she reached for the sweetener. At Ryan's side, the girl is twisting her body, clearly trying to show how ready she is to get out of there, but Ryan is leaning up against the bar, paying her no attention as he sips his drink and his eyes catch Brendon's.
That's all it is - a glance, but Brendon knows that nothing is ever that simple with Ryan.
He watches out of the corner of his eye as Ryan pays the check and leaves, dragging the girl at his side, never looking back.
Later, when Brendon is breathing hard against Ryan, pushing up from the tangled mess of sheets on Ryan's bed, he'll think that it was probably that moment of Ryan not looking back that led him to where he is now. He bites at Ryan's mouth, angry with both of them, but he keens when sharp hips press down against him.
---
Brendon's not a bad person. He always says please and thank you. He opens the door for old people and busy people and people with heavy bags. He tries to smile and show his fans how grateful he is for their support. He's not a bad person, but he doesn't know how else he can describe himself when he thinks about what he's doing.
---
"Sarah deserves more than this," Brendon says as Ryan works at his belt, yanking Brendon closer in the process. He doesn't say that he deserves more than this, too, because Brendon's never been able to ask for what he needs. "You're turning me into a shitty person," he grits out instead, because Ryan always responds more to anger. Always has.
"I'm not making you do anything," Ryan responds, and Brendon's pants hit the floor. He kicks them off.
He doesn't want to hear Ryan's stupid logic, so he kisses him, pushing him back against the wall and hoping that it hurts. Just a little.
Author: ivesia19
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan (mention of Brendon/Sarah)
POV: 3rd limited (Brendon)
Summary: Brendon's not a bad person.
Disclaimer: Fake. Fiction. False. Other f words.
Beta: habezweikatzen
Warnings: Cheating (I know, usually it's such a squick of mine, but here you have it) and a little dark
Author Note: First panic drabble in forever. Ideas have been bouncing as of late.
-----
The first time it happens it's an accident. At least, that's what Brendon tells himself as he leans back further against the new leather couch that he and Sarah had picked out together only the month before. With his back digging into the cushioning, Ryan has more than enough room to situate himself on top of Brendon.
So, it's an accident. But it's one that Brendon's been thinking about for a while. One that he doesn't try to stop, because he knew it was coming when Ryan had leaned in with that look in his eyes, and instead of saying something or stopping him, Brendon had been the one to pull him in for that kiss.
And the kiss keeps going.
It's not like the ones he remembers from those stupid dares when he and Ryan were so buzzed with new-found fame and excitement and freedom. The hesitance that laces each kiss now isn't because of the expectations others (the fans, the band, his family). The only reason Brendon's hands hesitate from pulling at Ryan's shirt and his legs don't fall open so that Ryan can align their hips is because it isn't just Brendon and Ryan anymore, and Brendon's not an asshole.
He pulls back.
Ryan's eyes are unfocused and his mouth looks wet and red, and fuck, Brendon doesn't know how he manages to keep the distance, but he does.
"No," he says, and he pushes Ryan up. "We're not going to do this to her."
Ryan doesn't say a word, and the slam of the door when he leaves makes Brendon jump.
----
Brendon doesn't see Ryan for two months, and when they do see each other, neither one is alone.
It's at a restaurant that Sarah had been bugging him to take her to for a while now, and the food is actually really good. It's like any other night out. It's easy. Sarah laughs and smiles, and Brendon thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world. And that's when he sees Ryan.
He's there with some girl - some girl that Brendon's never seen before, but she fits Ryan's type down to her long blond hair and Bohemian outfit.
It hits him how different they are - how he must look to Ryan, sitting here with his smiling girlfriend, their hands clasped tight ever since she reached for the sweetener. At Ryan's side, the girl is twisting her body, clearly trying to show how ready she is to get out of there, but Ryan is leaning up against the bar, paying her no attention as he sips his drink and his eyes catch Brendon's.
That's all it is - a glance, but Brendon knows that nothing is ever that simple with Ryan.
He watches out of the corner of his eye as Ryan pays the check and leaves, dragging the girl at his side, never looking back.
Later, when Brendon is breathing hard against Ryan, pushing up from the tangled mess of sheets on Ryan's bed, he'll think that it was probably that moment of Ryan not looking back that led him to where he is now. He bites at Ryan's mouth, angry with both of them, but he keens when sharp hips press down against him.
---
Brendon's not a bad person. He always says please and thank you. He opens the door for old people and busy people and people with heavy bags. He tries to smile and show his fans how grateful he is for their support. He's not a bad person, but he doesn't know how else he can describe himself when he thinks about what he's doing.
---
"Sarah deserves more than this," Brendon says as Ryan works at his belt, yanking Brendon closer in the process. He doesn't say that he deserves more than this, too, because Brendon's never been able to ask for what he needs. "You're turning me into a shitty person," he grits out instead, because Ryan always responds more to anger. Always has.
"I'm not making you do anything," Ryan responds, and Brendon's pants hit the floor. He kicks them off.
He doesn't want to hear Ryan's stupid logic, so he kisses him, pushing him back against the wall and hoping that it hurts. Just a little.