I hate always dreaming of you
I had a nightmare last night and you were in it.
It was my birthday.
There were a lot of people there.
So we were still on our break. Guys were all over the place and I was trying to find just one. JUST ONE. Who I was even slightly interested in. I was lying to myself.
You dissappeared on me.
I had this gut feeling. But I continued to try and have a good time.
MY body language remained cool and sophisticated, while my eyes searched frantically for a glmpse of your face. A cute boy I dont know walked in and tryed to hit on me... I kind of played along.
But there was something in the air that didn't allow my stomach to settle.
An uneasyness.
Then my friend pulled me aside from this new boy and told me what I had dreaded to hear.
Although it doesnt make much sense.
(this is a dream) She saw You and my best friend (not saying any names) sneak off onto the closet. And went to check and see what they were doing in there and they were nowhere to be found.
When I looked I noticed the attic door had been slightly ajar.
They had snuck away.
For some reason i kew they had gotten outside somehow.
In my dream it was my childhood block. They streets I used to roam as a kid.
I knew every smell and every joy and every secret that town had to offer.
I walked out the back door and came to the front around the side.
I seen you alone walking fast.
I walked out to the middle of the road and started to cry.
I asked you why?
I hit you once.
You looked at me with so many emotions running through your eyes. Fear, love, confusion....
I swung aimlessly and missed. I didnt want to hit you. I was still crying.
I grabbedyour hand and I fell to my knees as she approached. I screamed and I cryed as it all slowly slippedaway from me.
Every last memory fell from me with every tear running down my now black cheeks.
The smell of your cologne. The way we used to fall asleep in each others arms. The way it felt to have you kiss me for no reason. The taste of your skin. The way our hands used to fit so perfectly together. How we used to know what each other was thinking with out even saying anything. All the holidays I spent with you. All the gifts, and all the love I put into them. The first day I saw you walking down the hallway. That feeling.... Has never left me since that day. Every time I was with you I would learn something new about myself. I was afraid that I might never be able to find myself without you. You helped me to become who I wanted be, and you made me feel comfortable in my own skin. All the nights we have shared to gether staying up till 6 am and only going to sleep at the thought of waking up in each others arms. All the parties spent gazing at each other from across the room. All the heartache it took us to get to where we were only to have it crumble beneath me as I shook out there, on the pavement, the same pavement I learned how to ride a bike. Where I hald hands with my very first boyfriend. The same street I held so fodly with memory... was now betraying me. My vision blurred as you both walked away down the street.
She didnt even look back to see the horrible mess she helped to make of me.
But you did.
And when you did... time stopped for a single instant.
I mouthed the words I love you, because I couldnt speak.
And you smiled softly as if you understood, but couldnt help.
you turned away as I looked up to the starry sky.
While three tiny rain drops fell onto my face.
as if to wash away the tears.
And telling me it's time to start off fresh.
And that I deserve better.
So that was my dream. But it was so real that I cried. The emotions were all real. If that makes sense. Well. I am lonely and sad. BUt I guess this too shal pass.
for now. LOve jaimie
It was my birthday.
There were a lot of people there.
So we were still on our break. Guys were all over the place and I was trying to find just one. JUST ONE. Who I was even slightly interested in. I was lying to myself.
You dissappeared on me.
I had this gut feeling. But I continued to try and have a good time.
MY body language remained cool and sophisticated, while my eyes searched frantically for a glmpse of your face. A cute boy I dont know walked in and tryed to hit on me... I kind of played along.
But there was something in the air that didn't allow my stomach to settle.
An uneasyness.
Then my friend pulled me aside from this new boy and told me what I had dreaded to hear.
Although it doesnt make much sense.
(this is a dream) She saw You and my best friend (not saying any names) sneak off onto the closet. And went to check and see what they were doing in there and they were nowhere to be found.
When I looked I noticed the attic door had been slightly ajar.
They had snuck away.
For some reason i kew they had gotten outside somehow.
In my dream it was my childhood block. They streets I used to roam as a kid.
I knew every smell and every joy and every secret that town had to offer.
I walked out the back door and came to the front around the side.
I seen you alone walking fast.
I walked out to the middle of the road and started to cry.
I asked you why?
I hit you once.
You looked at me with so many emotions running through your eyes. Fear, love, confusion....
I swung aimlessly and missed. I didnt want to hit you. I was still crying.
I grabbedyour hand and I fell to my knees as she approached. I screamed and I cryed as it all slowly slippedaway from me.
Every last memory fell from me with every tear running down my now black cheeks.
The smell of your cologne. The way we used to fall asleep in each others arms. The way it felt to have you kiss me for no reason. The taste of your skin. The way our hands used to fit so perfectly together. How we used to know what each other was thinking with out even saying anything. All the holidays I spent with you. All the gifts, and all the love I put into them. The first day I saw you walking down the hallway. That feeling.... Has never left me since that day. Every time I was with you I would learn something new about myself. I was afraid that I might never be able to find myself without you. You helped me to become who I wanted be, and you made me feel comfortable in my own skin. All the nights we have shared to gether staying up till 6 am and only going to sleep at the thought of waking up in each others arms. All the parties spent gazing at each other from across the room. All the heartache it took us to get to where we were only to have it crumble beneath me as I shook out there, on the pavement, the same pavement I learned how to ride a bike. Where I hald hands with my very first boyfriend. The same street I held so fodly with memory... was now betraying me. My vision blurred as you both walked away down the street.
She didnt even look back to see the horrible mess she helped to make of me.
But you did.
And when you did... time stopped for a single instant.
I mouthed the words I love you, because I couldnt speak.
And you smiled softly as if you understood, but couldnt help.
you turned away as I looked up to the starry sky.
While three tiny rain drops fell onto my face.
as if to wash away the tears.
And telling me it's time to start off fresh.
And that I deserve better.
So that was my dream. But it was so real that I cried. The emotions were all real. If that makes sense. Well. I am lonely and sad. BUt I guess this too shal pass.
for now. LOve jaimie