this is really personal but whatev.
when you hear about two people being very much in love you are happy for them. but above that, you are jealous. or atleast i am. for instance, hearing about something so and so did last weekend with their significant other. i am saying "oh i'm so happy for you, you guys are so perfect etc etc" but honestly i am thinking about how much i detest hearing about their deep likeness for one another. i start thinking about what the future has to hold for me, and with whom. i'm impatient and i'm fifteen and i'm ready to be older. somehow in the tiniest bit of humility deep down hidden somewhere in my heart i realize i am not ready for any of that, because i'm truthfully very immature. but i'm just ready to move on, and i want God to prepare me for what is to come, because in a way i want to experience it full on with no setbacks. but on the other hand i want to go back to being a little girl because life was so simple and enjoyable and innocent. nothing seems clear to me about where i'm headed and i want God to reveal something to me, but i want it for all the wrong reasons. i should be placing my trust in Him but i rarely do. i think God isn't revealing to me what has yet to come, because he knows i'm not ready to know and he wants to teach me how much power he has over my life. and i don't know why i'm jealous of those other couples anyway because i have a love that goes so much deeper, and is so much more permanent than anything i could ever otherwise experience. and he is preparing someone for me that is so perfect, i'm ready to be blown away. God i'm ready to grow up and move on, but foremost i'm ready to walk with you.