(no subject)

[ivanfyodorovich]

Well that reflective glance back over the past few years was interesting, nothing terribly exciting came up. Last week was one of the worst I have had as far as being depressed. I am not really sure why. This week should be better, seeing as it is my last one of the semester. I have to finish a paper I mostly wrote this weekend, and then write one more and I am done. A few exams to grade next week and I will be done with this semester. I am investigating my options at the moment for withdrawl. If I can get out of my lease without having to pay a fortune, then I will see about not coming back next semester. I could make it through the spring down here for sure, but I am not sure if it is worth it anymore. I am certain now that I do not want to be a college proffessor, and that I do not want to do proffessional philosophy. Every experience I have with either outcome affirms this to me again and again. This is all very conditional on what the apt. says though. If I can't get out of my lease, then I will remain here and work through last semester like I have this one, taking pleasure in what I can and pushing through the less than pleasant daily realities.

Also, consequently, I think that my decision reflects only on my own personal feelings and not on philosphy at large. Had I been someone else or in different circumstances, the program here would have been excellent. Maybe in a year or two I will feel differently about all of this. I won't rule out the possibility, but I will have to wait till I guess.

Edit : I may not even look into this course of action. It seems that sticking with it may be easier than trying to pull out early.