Whew!
Had my 2nd appointment on Tuesday, we got to see the heartbeat and see the baby which was very exciting. We were given a couple of pictures, which my mother made me send to her.
I did do a little freak out because the doctor did a vaginal ultrasound, and failed to inform me that I would bleed a little afterwards. It wasn't directly after, so that is what caused such a stir for me. I bled a little the following day, and it stopped that night. After seeing the blood, I checked online and found that it was completely normal so that eased my worry a bit.
I can't help but be paranoid. With the whole "high risk" thing floating around, I'm all freaked out about it. I'm mostly concerned with the health of the baby. I mean, I really really want a girl. But, I want even more for the baby to just be healthy. I'm scared that because I'm 34 and have all these health problems myself, that I will pass them on to my child. Plus, I'm so worried because this is the longest pregnancy I've ever had. I mean, when I was like 18 I took a test and it came out positive and then like 2 weeks later I got my period. Which, from what I've read, is not uncommon for your body to go through the motions of starting to conceive, and then for whatever reason it just not happening. It just makes one think about the whole thing. Why is it that I never got pregnant before? It's not like Jim and I were using anything to prevent that. It's not like I haven't had many other boyfriends where we were preventing that from happening. I dunno, it's just a little scary to me. One day at a time, that is all I can do.
We are moving into a beautiful 2 story home. Which happens to be going on next weekend. New house, new baby, new marriage, well newly married I guess I should say.
Shannon and Jim won't let me do much of anything but sit on my ass and watch everyone else work. Which, is hard for me to do. I hate seeing everyone else work, and me just sitting here like a lazy ass. But, I guess I should enjoy it as well, huh?
Shannon is being so wonderful. She asks me everyday how I'm doing, and wants me to call her right after I go to the OB's. Briana... well that is another story. I'm not sure if she is jealous or if it's something else. She just has the lapband surgery in November, and she has lost just as much weight as I have. (Which I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous about.) But, Jim keeps pointing out that she has more weight to lose that I do, and that it comes off fast in the beginning and then kinda flatlines out. Which I get, I just get annoyed cause she has lost 50 lbs in 4 months and here it's taken me a year to lose that. And NOW I'll be gaining back about 20 of those lbs because of the baby. Which, is an emotional thing in itself. I want the baby, I just don't want the weight gain. I think I will be ok as long as I don't gain anymore than 30 lbs. Anything more than that, and you might find me in the fetal position on the floor crying and rocking myself. And, I don't think I would care if it was more than 30 lbs if I'd lost like 80 or so. gah.
But, back to Briana. So, she is supposed to be my best friend, and she doesn't ask how I'm feeling, or how any appointments go, or when the next one is. I get it, she wants a baby too, and there is probably jealousy there, but come on, it's not like I planned it. I mean, I'm jealous of her still losing weight, but I still encourage her on her weight loss. I still ask how she is feeling, and make sure she is doing ok with cravings and all that.
They also want us to wait 12 - 18 months after you have had the surgery before getting pregnant. Which makes sense to me, it's too much stress on your body, plus the first 12 months you are going through rapid weight loss, which is not good for a growing baby. When I had the surgery, one of my co-workers was over my desk about 3 months after grilling me about when Jim & I were going to start trying to have a baby. Briana jumps in the convo and goes on and on about how it wouldn't be good for me, for the baby, and I should wait, etc, etc. Well.... no sooner do I find out I'm pregnant (btw, it was 1 year in Jan from my surgery date, so I waited the minimum amount of time) Briana tells me that she is late. Well, she is late because she stopped taking her birth control pills. She stopped taking those so she and her husband can start trying to get pregnant. WTF? It hasn't even been 6 months since her surgery.
I know it makes me sound selfish, but I just can't help it. If she gets pregnant while I'm still carrying this child, I'm not going to be happy. Which is mean and horrible and not nice, but with everything that is going on with her I can't help but feel that way. Every time I bring up the baby, she says something like, "OMG! Look how big these pants are on me! They can just FALL right off me!" Which at first I joked with her, and we talked about in-between sizes, but now I say "Maybe you should buy new pants." How many times do I have to hear that before you do something about it? And then, to make me feel even BETTER about myself, I said something about how my pants are tighter on me now, and she tells me that she still has my pants that I gave her, and since they won't be fitting her, that I can have them back. (The pants that I wore pre-surgery.) I thought that was hurtful.
Maybe I am just hormonal.