Assisting the Ministry (PG; original characters, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore; 1795)
Title: Assisting the Ministry
Author:
iulia_linnea
Characters: Original characters, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1795
Summary: Maintaining the status quo vis-à-vis house-elves takes more effort than Severus knows.
Disclaimer: This work of fan fiction is based on characters and situations created by J. K. Rowling and owned by J. K. Rowling and various publishers, including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made from (and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended by) the posting of this fan work.
Author's Note: Written for the 2024 run of
snapecase.
"It was the Merlin, He Who Bound Us, who stopped the Slaughter."
"By Slaughter," replied Severus, who had administered the Veritaserum to the house-elf after the agent from Mysteries had hypnotised her, "do you refer to the, to what wizards refer to as the Goblin Rebellions?"
"Yes, the Slaughter."
"More than one was attempted," pressed Severus, prompted by a nod from Mysteries' agent, who had refused to offer her name.
"It is being a different part of the same Slaughter," the house-elf, Minky, answered.
Severus, feeling somewhat warm, shivered. He noticed the agent noticing.
She cleared her long tan throat and sighed. "Thank Merlin for his Binding work."
"Enslavement work," retorted Severus.
"Professor Snape," the agent replied, her brown eyes glinting with apparent irritation, "house-elves reproduce at epic levels and are naturally feral. In every plane of existence on which they exist, they've destroyed their natural resources before moving on, leaving nothing and no one alive in their wake. They are a cancer-and," the agent continued, holding up a hand as Severus made to interrupt her, "-one that Merlin should have cut out. Instead, he Bound them to serve, which they do happily."
"For the most part," said Severus.
"Yes," the agent replied, "like you used to do."
"Albus!"
"Kendra, Professor Snape is here as a courtesy. Don't abuse him."
"I don't nee-"
"Kendra," Albus said. "Do not abuse him-and release the elf. She knows nothing of recent events."
"I don't take orders from-"
"Thank you, dear," said Chief of Mysteries' Activities Charlotte Noname. "That will be all."
Kendra flicked her wand at Minky and departed the examination chamber.
"Minky is here! Why is Minky being here?" the house-elf, her ears twitching, asked.
"Because you are the best and most hospitable house-elf in all the Ministry," Albus told her, "and we are anxious to try tea and biscuits and-"
"Ham sandwiches," Chief Noname cut in, with a glance at Severus.
The woman had kind eyes, he noted, but he didn't appreciate her being in his mind.
"Oh, I wasn't. Albus told me you enjoy ham sandwiches. We have that in common."
"And yet."
"Well, I slip upon occasion. It's not every day we're graced with the presence of a-"
Albus cleared his throat as if in warning.
"-Potions master of your talents," finished Noname.
"Did you make it up?"
"No, Professor Snape. The Department of Mysteries has an unlimited selection of aliases for its members."
"Charlotte, please stop being rude to my Potions master."
"I'm not being rude, Albus."
Pop!
"Minky has returned with food- and drinkstuffs!"
As it had been a long morning and he was quite hungry, Severus didn't engage with the Headmaster or Mysteries' Chief of Activities. He tucked in and thought about why he had been called upon to dose a house-elf.
The bodies had been showing up all over Wizarding Britain, from private houses to the halls of governance. The condition of the bodies had precluded the ability of anyone to consider the deaths accidental. Severus had seen the pictures.
Teeth and claws, teeth and claws and wild, unusual magic, thought Severus, banishing the images from his mind as he chewed his food.
"Based on the historical record and current evidence, it has to be elves."
"It cannot be elves, Charlotte. They are Bound to serve rather than destroy."
"Perhaps the Binding is failing," said Severus. "Does anyone know exactly how Merlin managed to enslave the elves?"
Albus shook his head at Charlotte. "No, Severus. No one knows. He left no record. Purposely so, one imagines."
"Because Heaven forfend anyone attempt to Bind people in such a way."
"Why bother?" Charlotte snapped at Severus. "'People' serve up themselves for service readily enough."
"That is in the past."
"Not to Mysteries, Albus. You know why. You know what he did."
"What I did? What did I do?" demanded Severus.
Albus sighed. "She is speaking of your old master, Severus, and he did plenty."
Lily.
Severus looked down into his tea, glaring at his reflection. He had been feeling emotionally unmoored since Potter's arrival at Hogwarts. Seeing him was to see James and Lily at once, and it hurt him, every time. He knew his duty, and he would do it, but it was difficult.
And no one ever gives me any credit for the good I've done since-
"Professor," Charlotte said, in a tone that told Severus she knew she was interrupting his thoughts and didn't give a damn about it or him, "thank you for your time. You may go."
"Severus is not responsible for the deaths of your agents, Charlotte. He was but a boy, himself, when he fell under the Dark Lord's thrall-and it is not for you to dismiss my staff, not least because your own brewers couldn't produce a Veritaserum that would work on house-elves."
"I did thank him."
Severus felt a wave of warmth envelope him; he wanted to think it was gratitude for being thus defended by the Headmaster, but he knew better. "Minky!"
Minky, eyes wide with a desire to be useful, or so assumed Severus, appeared before him. "Yes? Yes! Minky is here!"
"What is in this tea?"
"There is being no tea in that cup. You is drinking it all up!"
Severus inhaled. Severus exhaled. "Minky, what was in the tea I just drank?"
"Tea and tea leaves and-"
"Minky!"
"There was being Calming Draught because you is being very upset by the Chief and the Chief is being very annoyed by you and the Albus is being too twinkling for Minky!"
Albus twinkled. Severus glared. Chalortte spit out her tea.
"Minky! We've discussed this!"
"Yes, but Chief is never ordering Minky to stop. The Charlotte is always wanting Minky to take care of all the guests and the agents and the . . . the everyones!"
"Please return with a pot of just tea, Minky," Charlotte ordered.
Pop!
"Well, that was-"
Pop!
"-unusual."
"No, Albus, it wasn't," Charlotte said.
"'Noname'? Really?" asked Severus.
"Oh, I have a perfectly regular surname. We just like to fuck with people here."
Albus laughed. Severus did not.
"Back to business," Charlotte remarked, before sighing. "The thing is, I have no idea how now to proceed."
"It's the same Slaughter," Severus replied, looking at the nearby levitating Minky.
"There is being no Slaughter."
"Minky, do you remember what you said under hypnosis and the influence of Veritaserum?" asked Severus.
"Yes, of course Minky is remembering. Minky is a house-elf, not some wild, unbound Slaughter-elf!"
"How many 'Slaughter-elves' are there?" asked Charlotte, leaning towards Minky.
"Only as many as being allowed under the Treaty."
"What treaty?" asked Albus.
"The Treaty," Minky said, "you is knowing about the Treaty that the Merlin made with the Elves from Away so they would remain away, isn't you?"
Charlotte looked from Albus to Severus and then back again. "I'm not aware of any such Treaty."
"And there are too many records to comb through with any rapidity," opined Albus.
Severus looked from Albus to Charlotte and then back again in disgust. "Minky!"
"Yes! Yes? Minky is here!"
"Minky, bring us a record of the Treaty you referenced."
"Minky is not being sure that she should."
"Are you a good house-elf or aren't you?" asked Severus. "Because if you are a bad house-elf . . . ."
"Minky is a good house-elf! Minky serves!"
"Then serve me now," Severus ordered, his stomach roiling with contempt for his behaviour.
Pop!
"I don't need to be in your mind to know what you're feeling or why," Charlotte told him, handing him a phial. "It will settle your stomach, if not your qualms to be part of . . . of an enslaving class."
Albus coughed but made no other reply at her words, and Severus, almost against his better judgment, drank the contents of the phial.
"I'm having a weird fucking day."
"If you like it, you're welcome to join Mysteries any time."
"Charlotte," said Severus, "you remain under the influence of Minky's Calming Draught. I won't hold you to your offer."
"No, because," began Albus, stopping as soon as Severus looked at him.
"Because I know my duty, old man."
Albus snorted. "I must still be under the influence, as well."
Pop!
"Minky is a good house-elf! Minky has returned with the Treaty!"
She set a glass globe levitating before her in the middle of the group of them. It began to glow. And then to shriek unintelligible words.
"[QQW?EPfljmvoi98aeyrgawpse0;dpfo;lk,m ;jhfvjlkcbh,vj kp'aWs;ozldk,m;cil fhjnmc,v;./kxgfl; ia'p;seldjfv87sidugxfhcvja'p;/oeS>JDFNpidcx ASDOIFUVA9PSD;FJ!]"
Thwip! Zisshhhhh!
A welcome silence fell amongst them, and the globe grew dim.
"Just what the hell was that?" asked Charlotte.
"Minky is doing as asked, but Minky cannot say beyond what is asked."
"Minky," said Albus, "do you understand that language?"
"Minky is not understanding that language."
"Minky," asked Severus, "are you not understanding that language because you've been told not to?"
Her eyes widening, Minky nodded.
"Please send for the being who ordered you not to understand that language."
Without appearing to move, Minky apparently obeyed Severus.
Pop!
"I is being Tessy, Keeper of the Records."
"I am Albus."
"I is knowing exactly what you is," Tessy replied, entirely without deference.
"You know about the murders."
"I is knowing about the Slaughter, yes."
"It's the same Slaughter," murmured Severus.
"It is being the same Slaughter, however slow," Tessy intoned.
"Minky, you are dismissed."
Pop!
"Why, Charlotte?" asked the Headmaster.
"Because I don't want her to come to harm."
Suddenly, Charlotte's wand was in her hand, and Tessy's teeth were about the Chief's throat. Severus, who felt the effects of the Calming Draught dissipate, moved quickly.
"I will destroy it!"
Tessy retracted her teeth from the Chief's throat. "No!"
"It is sacred to you, is it not?"
"Yes!"
"Speak!"
"I was speaking!"
"Speak of the Slaughter. Speak of the Elves from Away!"
"Every seventh generation of elves is a generation of Travellers, and they are free!"
"Free to continue the Slaughter? Free of the Binding of Merlin?" asked the Headmaster.
"Yes, free!" cried Tessy, lunging at Severus. "Free to kill!"
THRAZZP!
Before she could reach Severus, Tessy's limp body smacked down upon the floor.
"Is she dead?"
"No, Professor Snape," Charlotte replied, "not yet."
"Now, now, I don't-"
"Have a say in the discipline of Ministry personnel, particularly not that of the Department of Mysteries' personnel."
There was blood on the Chief's neck, noticed Severus, catching her eye.
"I know. I'll have myself Healed. Thank you, gentleman. That will be all."
Pop!
"Oh, how I hate that mode of travel."
Severus blinked in surprise to find himself standing the Headmaster's office.
"Are you all right, Severus?"
"I . . . I think so. What the hell just happened?"
"You may, I think, consider our dismissal as much thanks as either of us will receive for assisting the Ministry. I imagine that Chief Noname believes that Mysteries' Activities can manage the, er, Slaughter-related difficulties on their own, now."
"But shouldn't people know what's going on, Headmaster?" demanded Severus.
The Headmaster smiled and raised his hand.
~*~
Severus stiffened, feeling as if he'd just received a shook. "I beg your pardon, Headmaster. What did you just say?"
"Lemon Sherbert?"
Severus' mouth worked as his mind spun; he felt as if he were trying to tell himself something but couldn't hear what his mind had to say.
"If not a sweet," said the Headmaster, "would you care for some tea?"
Pop!
A tray laden with tea and food appeared before Severus, and next to it, levitated a house-elf.
"Binky has brought strong tea, sweet cakes, and ham sandwiches!"
Ham! Severus thought, pushing all other concerns save those of his stomach firmly away. "Thank you, Binky."
"It is being Binky's pleasure to serve you, Professor Snape!"
The Headmaster smiled upon them. "Thank Merlin for that!"
Author:
iulia_linnea
Characters: Original characters, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1795
Summary: Maintaining the status quo vis-à-vis house-elves takes more effort than Severus knows.
Disclaimer: This work of fan fiction is based on characters and situations created by J. K. Rowling and owned by J. K. Rowling and various publishers, including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made from (and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended by) the posting of this fan work.
Author's Note: Written for the 2024 run of
snapecase.
"It was the Merlin, He Who Bound Us, who stopped the Slaughter."
"By Slaughter," replied Severus, who had administered the Veritaserum to the house-elf after the agent from Mysteries had hypnotised her, "do you refer to the, to what wizards refer to as the Goblin Rebellions?"
"Yes, the Slaughter."
"More than one was attempted," pressed Severus, prompted by a nod from Mysteries' agent, who had refused to offer her name.
"It is being a different part of the same Slaughter," the house-elf, Minky, answered.
Severus, feeling somewhat warm, shivered. He noticed the agent noticing.
She cleared her long tan throat and sighed. "Thank Merlin for his Binding work."
"Enslavement work," retorted Severus.
"Professor Snape," the agent replied, her brown eyes glinting with apparent irritation, "house-elves reproduce at epic levels and are naturally feral. In every plane of existence on which they exist, they've destroyed their natural resources before moving on, leaving nothing and no one alive in their wake. They are a cancer-and," the agent continued, holding up a hand as Severus made to interrupt her, "-one that Merlin should have cut out. Instead, he Bound them to serve, which they do happily."
"For the most part," said Severus.
"Yes," the agent replied, "like you used to do."
"Albus!"
"Kendra, Professor Snape is here as a courtesy. Don't abuse him."
"I don't nee-"
"Kendra," Albus said. "Do not abuse him-and release the elf. She knows nothing of recent events."
"I don't take orders from-"
"Thank you, dear," said Chief of Mysteries' Activities Charlotte Noname. "That will be all."
Kendra flicked her wand at Minky and departed the examination chamber.
"Minky is here! Why is Minky being here?" the house-elf, her ears twitching, asked.
"Because you are the best and most hospitable house-elf in all the Ministry," Albus told her, "and we are anxious to try tea and biscuits and-"
"Ham sandwiches," Chief Noname cut in, with a glance at Severus.
The woman had kind eyes, he noted, but he didn't appreciate her being in his mind.
"Oh, I wasn't. Albus told me you enjoy ham sandwiches. We have that in common."
"And yet."
"Well, I slip upon occasion. It's not every day we're graced with the presence of a-"
Albus cleared his throat as if in warning.
"-Potions master of your talents," finished Noname.
"Did you make it up?"
"No, Professor Snape. The Department of Mysteries has an unlimited selection of aliases for its members."
"Charlotte, please stop being rude to my Potions master."
"I'm not being rude, Albus."
Pop!
"Minky has returned with food- and drinkstuffs!"
As it had been a long morning and he was quite hungry, Severus didn't engage with the Headmaster or Mysteries' Chief of Activities. He tucked in and thought about why he had been called upon to dose a house-elf.
The bodies had been showing up all over Wizarding Britain, from private houses to the halls of governance. The condition of the bodies had precluded the ability of anyone to consider the deaths accidental. Severus had seen the pictures.
Teeth and claws, teeth and claws and wild, unusual magic, thought Severus, banishing the images from his mind as he chewed his food.
"Based on the historical record and current evidence, it has to be elves."
"It cannot be elves, Charlotte. They are Bound to serve rather than destroy."
"Perhaps the Binding is failing," said Severus. "Does anyone know exactly how Merlin managed to enslave the elves?"
Albus shook his head at Charlotte. "No, Severus. No one knows. He left no record. Purposely so, one imagines."
"Because Heaven forfend anyone attempt to Bind people in such a way."
"Why bother?" Charlotte snapped at Severus. "'People' serve up themselves for service readily enough."
"That is in the past."
"Not to Mysteries, Albus. You know why. You know what he did."
"What I did? What did I do?" demanded Severus.
Albus sighed. "She is speaking of your old master, Severus, and he did plenty."
Lily.
Severus looked down into his tea, glaring at his reflection. He had been feeling emotionally unmoored since Potter's arrival at Hogwarts. Seeing him was to see James and Lily at once, and it hurt him, every time. He knew his duty, and he would do it, but it was difficult.
And no one ever gives me any credit for the good I've done since-
"Professor," Charlotte said, in a tone that told Severus she knew she was interrupting his thoughts and didn't give a damn about it or him, "thank you for your time. You may go."
"Severus is not responsible for the deaths of your agents, Charlotte. He was but a boy, himself, when he fell under the Dark Lord's thrall-and it is not for you to dismiss my staff, not least because your own brewers couldn't produce a Veritaserum that would work on house-elves."
"I did thank him."
Severus felt a wave of warmth envelope him; he wanted to think it was gratitude for being thus defended by the Headmaster, but he knew better. "Minky!"
Minky, eyes wide with a desire to be useful, or so assumed Severus, appeared before him. "Yes? Yes! Minky is here!"
"What is in this tea?"
"There is being no tea in that cup. You is drinking it all up!"
Severus inhaled. Severus exhaled. "Minky, what was in the tea I just drank?"
"Tea and tea leaves and-"
"Minky!"
"There was being Calming Draught because you is being very upset by the Chief and the Chief is being very annoyed by you and the Albus is being too twinkling for Minky!"
Albus twinkled. Severus glared. Chalortte spit out her tea.
"Minky! We've discussed this!"
"Yes, but Chief is never ordering Minky to stop. The Charlotte is always wanting Minky to take care of all the guests and the agents and the . . . the everyones!"
"Please return with a pot of just tea, Minky," Charlotte ordered.
Pop!
"Well, that was-"
Pop!
"-unusual."
"No, Albus, it wasn't," Charlotte said.
"'Noname'? Really?" asked Severus.
"Oh, I have a perfectly regular surname. We just like to fuck with people here."
Albus laughed. Severus did not.
"Back to business," Charlotte remarked, before sighing. "The thing is, I have no idea how now to proceed."
"It's the same Slaughter," Severus replied, looking at the nearby levitating Minky.
"There is being no Slaughter."
"Minky, do you remember what you said under hypnosis and the influence of Veritaserum?" asked Severus.
"Yes, of course Minky is remembering. Minky is a house-elf, not some wild, unbound Slaughter-elf!"
"How many 'Slaughter-elves' are there?" asked Charlotte, leaning towards Minky.
"Only as many as being allowed under the Treaty."
"What treaty?" asked Albus.
"The Treaty," Minky said, "you is knowing about the Treaty that the Merlin made with the Elves from Away so they would remain away, isn't you?"
Charlotte looked from Albus to Severus and then back again. "I'm not aware of any such Treaty."
"And there are too many records to comb through with any rapidity," opined Albus.
Severus looked from Albus to Charlotte and then back again in disgust. "Minky!"
"Yes! Yes? Minky is here!"
"Minky, bring us a record of the Treaty you referenced."
"Minky is not being sure that she should."
"Are you a good house-elf or aren't you?" asked Severus. "Because if you are a bad house-elf . . . ."
"Minky is a good house-elf! Minky serves!"
"Then serve me now," Severus ordered, his stomach roiling with contempt for his behaviour.
Pop!
"I don't need to be in your mind to know what you're feeling or why," Charlotte told him, handing him a phial. "It will settle your stomach, if not your qualms to be part of . . . of an enslaving class."
Albus coughed but made no other reply at her words, and Severus, almost against his better judgment, drank the contents of the phial.
"I'm having a weird fucking day."
"If you like it, you're welcome to join Mysteries any time."
"Charlotte," said Severus, "you remain under the influence of Minky's Calming Draught. I won't hold you to your offer."
"No, because," began Albus, stopping as soon as Severus looked at him.
"Because I know my duty, old man."
Albus snorted. "I must still be under the influence, as well."
Pop!
"Minky is a good house-elf! Minky has returned with the Treaty!"
She set a glass globe levitating before her in the middle of the group of them. It began to glow. And then to shriek unintelligible words.
"[QQW?EPfljmvoi98aeyrgawpse0;dpfo;lk,m ;jhfvjlkcbh,vj kp'aWs;ozldk,m;cil fhjnmc,v;./kxgfl; ia'p;seldjfv87sidugxfhcvja'p;/oeS>JDFNpidcx ASDOIFUVA9PSD;FJ!]"
Thwip! Zisshhhhh!
A welcome silence fell amongst them, and the globe grew dim.
"Just what the hell was that?" asked Charlotte.
"Minky is doing as asked, but Minky cannot say beyond what is asked."
"Minky," said Albus, "do you understand that language?"
"Minky is not understanding that language."
"Minky," asked Severus, "are you not understanding that language because you've been told not to?"
Her eyes widening, Minky nodded.
"Please send for the being who ordered you not to understand that language."
Without appearing to move, Minky apparently obeyed Severus.
Pop!
"I is being Tessy, Keeper of the Records."
"I am Albus."
"I is knowing exactly what you is," Tessy replied, entirely without deference.
"You know about the murders."
"I is knowing about the Slaughter, yes."
"It's the same Slaughter," murmured Severus.
"It is being the same Slaughter, however slow," Tessy intoned.
"Minky, you are dismissed."
Pop!
"Why, Charlotte?" asked the Headmaster.
"Because I don't want her to come to harm."
Suddenly, Charlotte's wand was in her hand, and Tessy's teeth were about the Chief's throat. Severus, who felt the effects of the Calming Draught dissipate, moved quickly.
"I will destroy it!"
Tessy retracted her teeth from the Chief's throat. "No!"
"It is sacred to you, is it not?"
"Yes!"
"Speak!"
"I was speaking!"
"Speak of the Slaughter. Speak of the Elves from Away!"
"Every seventh generation of elves is a generation of Travellers, and they are free!"
"Free to continue the Slaughter? Free of the Binding of Merlin?" asked the Headmaster.
"Yes, free!" cried Tessy, lunging at Severus. "Free to kill!"
THRAZZP!
Before she could reach Severus, Tessy's limp body smacked down upon the floor.
"Is she dead?"
"No, Professor Snape," Charlotte replied, "not yet."
"Now, now, I don't-"
"Have a say in the discipline of Ministry personnel, particularly not that of the Department of Mysteries' personnel."
There was blood on the Chief's neck, noticed Severus, catching her eye.
"I know. I'll have myself Healed. Thank you, gentleman. That will be all."
Pop!
"Oh, how I hate that mode of travel."
Severus blinked in surprise to find himself standing the Headmaster's office.
"Are you all right, Severus?"
"I . . . I think so. What the hell just happened?"
"You may, I think, consider our dismissal as much thanks as either of us will receive for assisting the Ministry. I imagine that Chief Noname believes that Mysteries' Activities can manage the, er, Slaughter-related difficulties on their own, now."
"But shouldn't people know what's going on, Headmaster?" demanded Severus.
The Headmaster smiled and raised his hand.
~*~
Severus stiffened, feeling as if he'd just received a shook. "I beg your pardon, Headmaster. What did you just say?"
"Lemon Sherbert?"
Severus' mouth worked as his mind spun; he felt as if he were trying to tell himself something but couldn't hear what his mind had to say.
"If not a sweet," said the Headmaster, "would you care for some tea?"
Pop!
A tray laden with tea and food appeared before Severus, and next to it, levitated a house-elf.
"Binky has brought strong tea, sweet cakes, and ham sandwiches!"
Ham! Severus thought, pushing all other concerns save those of his stomach firmly away. "Thank you, Binky."
"It is being Binky's pleasure to serve you, Professor Snape!"
The Headmaster smiled upon them. "Thank Merlin for that!"