Fault
A few days ago i opened back up a door that should have been locked, dead bolted and nailed shut with no key to speak for. But it's funny how alcohol makes it ok to take a sledge hammer and open the door back up. In the process of reopenment I hurt the one person i care so much about.. the one person who feels the same way about me that I do about them, just utter adorement and respect for everything they are and everything that they are hoping to be. And the most horrible part is that the door didnt lead anywhere near heaven, anywhere near happiness, anywhere near safeness. It's like after opening that door again all the bad memories, all the horrible nights i spent entering that doorway came pooring out. And it just boggles me how some stupid bottle of liquid can make me let all of that back into my world again. But most of all the worst part is I am forgiven, but i still cannot forgive myself. What use is forgivness if your mind does not except it because your brain knos you are not really worthy of this forgiveness granted. Only time can tell, only the days passing by will possibly help. Time never goes by when u want it to, but when u dont it seems to fly. How ironic. Alot can happen in just a year.. or even a few months... u can fall in love, then forget the love... then fall out of it... fall in it...............drown in it.. somehow swim... some how betray it... and still stay completely and outrageously in it.