(no subject)
hahahaa good old chris choi:
Friday, April 27, 2007
*
milestonegifts
so my wife2b's birthday is coming up and i realized that the longer you're together with someone, the harder it is to get them a gift. i mean, wouldn't you think it would be easier as time went by? you get to know them better, you understand what they like, what they don't like, their favorite color, how they dress, etc etc etc...
but NOOOO...it gets harder. so to all you guys out there in newb relationships, here's what i learned over the years so you can be better prepared than me.
buying a gift for your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife is like reverse Who Wants to be a Millionaire. remember that show? it used to be a hit but i think they moved it to TBS where all tv shows go to die. but to refresh your memory, you answer a series of question and win more and more money. but there are these points called milestones, where even if you get it wrong, you can't take home less than that amount.
that's right...you can't go lower than those milestones. but with relationships, it's the REVERSE. you don't take home money, no instead, you have to give it out....forever....FOREVER. once you hit a certain bar in your gift, you can never give a lesser gift.
so basically if you spent $100 on your girlfriend, sorry buddy..for the REST of YOUR LIFE, you have to continue to spend at least $100. if you spent $500, forever $500. FOREVER.
ok ok - so it's not all about money. but girls love gifts that take time. stupid jar full of origami stars, scrap books, photo albums, mix tapes, handmade stuffed animals, buildings....and that's the same too. if you spent 4 hours on a scrap book, and then the next holiday you gave her a framed picture that took you 10 minutes to put together, you're DEAD. that's right DEAD. if you spent 4 hours, you have to spend at least 5 on the next...and so on and so forth. so on your golden anniversary, you better have spent the last 25 years working on the anniversary gift.
and it doesn't end there. there are many criteria:
- amount of money
- time you spent
- thoughtfulness factor
- how it's presented
- how it matches the point of the relationship
- how it represents that you were paying attention to her at 4am in the morning when she called you cause she was lonely and needed someone to talk and nonchalantly, though strategically, mentioned the expensive purse she really wanted.
now, normally, there would be a guideline here on how to manage the situation. like a map of how to distribute the cost factors evenly so that when you're on your 5 year anniversary, you're not selling your left kidney (the right one you sold on the 3rd anniversary)....but nooooo....i'm here to tell you...simply
THERE'S NO ESCAPE
cause if you want to keep that girl...you have to pay attention to the subliminal messages they leave you. that's right! THEY'RE SUBLIMINAL.
for example - if they want a certain purse, wallet, clothing, elephant that they really wanted - watch carefully. cause it doesn't have to be their birthday, day of their wedding, valentine's day or anything for you to figure out what they want. THIS IS HAPPENING 24-7 - they are CONTINUALLY telling you what they want. Why else would they get upset last christmas when you got them Phil Jackson of the Los Angeles Laker's Autobiography. so be on the lookout and be on your friggin toes!!! but here are some tell-tale signs to figure out what they want on the next gift giving occasion, or when you screw up and you need to find something to move out of the dog house.
"ooh, this bag is nice. oh, but it's too expensive."
translation: you better get this for me
"did you hear about [insert her friends name]'s boyfriend? he made a scrapbook for her"
translation: you better make a scrapbook that's 10x better and give it to me
"hmm...i wouldn't ever buy something like this for myself"
translation: you better get this for me
"i heard it's nice at this restaurant"
translation: you better take me there
"fiji is a cool name isn't it?"
translation: you better buy tickets to there
"oh wow, the moon is so bright."
translation: you better buy tickets to there
bottomline - girls got us good. i didn't realize all of this was going down until recently...and frankly, i know i'll continue to do this...joyfully. you're a worthy adversary!! *shakes fist in air*
so just a recap of the score, here's the tally of girls vs boys that i have been keeping track of so far:
Girls: 1, 274 Boys: .3
we got the .3 because we showered that one time.
Friday, April 27, 2007
*
milestonegifts
so my wife2b's birthday is coming up and i realized that the longer you're together with someone, the harder it is to get them a gift. i mean, wouldn't you think it would be easier as time went by? you get to know them better, you understand what they like, what they don't like, their favorite color, how they dress, etc etc etc...
but NOOOO...it gets harder. so to all you guys out there in newb relationships, here's what i learned over the years so you can be better prepared than me.
buying a gift for your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife is like reverse Who Wants to be a Millionaire. remember that show? it used to be a hit but i think they moved it to TBS where all tv shows go to die. but to refresh your memory, you answer a series of question and win more and more money. but there are these points called milestones, where even if you get it wrong, you can't take home less than that amount.
that's right...you can't go lower than those milestones. but with relationships, it's the REVERSE. you don't take home money, no instead, you have to give it out....forever....FOREVER. once you hit a certain bar in your gift, you can never give a lesser gift.
so basically if you spent $100 on your girlfriend, sorry buddy..for the REST of YOUR LIFE, you have to continue to spend at least $100. if you spent $500, forever $500. FOREVER.
ok ok - so it's not all about money. but girls love gifts that take time. stupid jar full of origami stars, scrap books, photo albums, mix tapes, handmade stuffed animals, buildings....and that's the same too. if you spent 4 hours on a scrap book, and then the next holiday you gave her a framed picture that took you 10 minutes to put together, you're DEAD. that's right DEAD. if you spent 4 hours, you have to spend at least 5 on the next...and so on and so forth. so on your golden anniversary, you better have spent the last 25 years working on the anniversary gift.
and it doesn't end there. there are many criteria:
- amount of money
- time you spent
- thoughtfulness factor
- how it's presented
- how it matches the point of the relationship
- how it represents that you were paying attention to her at 4am in the morning when she called you cause she was lonely and needed someone to talk and nonchalantly, though strategically, mentioned the expensive purse she really wanted.
now, normally, there would be a guideline here on how to manage the situation. like a map of how to distribute the cost factors evenly so that when you're on your 5 year anniversary, you're not selling your left kidney (the right one you sold on the 3rd anniversary)....but nooooo....i'm here to tell you...simply
THERE'S NO ESCAPE
cause if you want to keep that girl...you have to pay attention to the subliminal messages they leave you. that's right! THEY'RE SUBLIMINAL.
for example - if they want a certain purse, wallet, clothing, elephant that they really wanted - watch carefully. cause it doesn't have to be their birthday, day of their wedding, valentine's day or anything for you to figure out what they want. THIS IS HAPPENING 24-7 - they are CONTINUALLY telling you what they want. Why else would they get upset last christmas when you got them Phil Jackson of the Los Angeles Laker's Autobiography. so be on the lookout and be on your friggin toes!!! but here are some tell-tale signs to figure out what they want on the next gift giving occasion, or when you screw up and you need to find something to move out of the dog house.
"ooh, this bag is nice. oh, but it's too expensive."
translation: you better get this for me
"did you hear about [insert her friends name]'s boyfriend? he made a scrapbook for her"
translation: you better make a scrapbook that's 10x better and give it to me
"hmm...i wouldn't ever buy something like this for myself"
translation: you better get this for me
"i heard it's nice at this restaurant"
translation: you better take me there
"fiji is a cool name isn't it?"
translation: you better buy tickets to there
"oh wow, the moon is so bright."
translation: you better buy tickets to there
bottomline - girls got us good. i didn't realize all of this was going down until recently...and frankly, i know i'll continue to do this...joyfully. you're a worthy adversary!! *shakes fist in air*
so just a recap of the score, here's the tally of girls vs boys that i have been keeping track of so far:
Girls: 1, 274 Boys: .3
we got the .3 because we showered that one time.