muse_write | 17. Heal
17. Heal
Co-written with texas33forever
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Tim was pretty convinced he had never, in his whole life, been in this much pain. Even thinking seemed to hurt, yet he somehow had to fathom a range of information people seemed to be attempting to feed him at regular intervals. Doctors, nurses, Coach, Mrs T, Billy, Mindy, Mindy's mom, more doctors, more nurses, a cleaner. It had been close to forty eight hours since Tim had woken up with what had to be the worst hangover of his life. It was all hazy now, and it felt to him like he kept drifting in and out a heavy sleep. He preferred being asleep, because the latter took a lot more effort than energy than he had right now. It was getting a little better, though. He was still in this hospital room connected to all these machines that beeped and whooshed and clicked. He still felt like extreme crap. But there was a tiny bit more clairty. He had meningitis explained to him in basic, non-doctor speak so he kinda got it now, he just didn't remember much surrounding it. He remembered the worst headache of his life, but little else.
Now there was something else, unlike anything he had ever faced before, and he was terrified. He had heard of epilepsy, but that didn't mean he knew what the hell it was, or what it meant to his life. All he knew was what they told him. Something in his brain making him have fits, and would for the rest of his life. He remembered no fits, so it didn't make sense. Drugs would help it, apparently. The prescription kind, not the fun kind. So, getting sick with one thing he didn't understand make him get sick with a whole other different thing he also didn't understand. Tim had always been a solo-flyer, tackling the world and what it laid in his lap the best way he knew how. Most of the time, that wasn't the most positive of things, either. Actually 99% of his life was just one big fuck up, and now this? Or even worse, was he going to die?
He had hardly said anything to anyone who came and went. It exhausted him to talk to much anyway, but he also had nothing to say to them. Everyone kept asking him if he had questions, but he never came forth with anything. He held off this long, until it just got too much and he finally did ask one question of a nurse who was giving him some shot in his gut... Where was Six? It took the nurse a few minutes to figure out who the hell 'Six' was, but she had been happily able to report to Tim eventually that the 'young man in the wheelchair had been by every day'. Of course, this angered Tim, wondering why the hell Jason had made no effort to actually speak to him... until he realised he sudenly knew exactly how Jason would have felt those years ago during his own hospital stay when Tim was avoiding him, staying away because he was not only riddled with guilt, but also terrified. Now the tables had turned, and Tim couldn't blame Jason for giving him a dose of his own medicine. At least, that was what he let himself believe, and beat himself up about internally, until it was Mrs T that had revealed that the reason Jason wasn't there at Tim's bedside was because he wasn't immediate family. The only reason Coach and herself were allowed there was because it was an exception with Tim having no parents on hand. Billy had requested their presence when it got too hard for him to cope with seeing Tim so ill and seizing on a regular basis. Tim didn't know this, though. All that was revealed as that Jason was, indeed, there and had been every single day Tim had been sick.
Tim merely drew in a shaky, shallow breath and watched as he finally saw Jason appear and approach his bedside in his wheelchair. He wet his dry lips and the merest hint of a faint smile flicked at the edges of them at the presence of his oldest friend. "Ain't got the best cable offerin's in a place like this, have they?" he joked weakly when Jason pulled up by him and flicked the brakes of the chair on. Before Jason could even reply, Tim added, barely audibly, "I'm scared, Six."
The words were enough to almost take Jason's breath away, for the pure and simple reason that he never, as long as he lived, expected to hear them from Tim. The last week since Tim had fallen seriously ill and ended up on life support in the ICU, Jason had spent a lot of time sitting and waiting. Thinking. Thinking a lot, about a whole different range of things. The past, the present, the future, none particularly more than the other. So much was up in the air and uncertain, there was so much to be scared about right now. Things were back on track with Taylor, but at the same time, both of them new things had shifted with the baby on the way. It was the second pregnancy they had experienced together, the first ending tragically when Taylor got injured in the car accident with Sam that led to her breaking up with Jason when she was riddled with guilt. Now they had their second chance, both on their relationship and with another baby on the way. There was a risk, though, that Taylor might now carry full term due to her injuries during the first pregnancy. It was a scary waiting game, one that they both felt sat on the backburner when Tim had become sick. It was hard enough to think that Tim's life had been precariously in the balance if he hadn't received the treatment me did; it was impossible to contemplate the fact the baby might be at risk too. Take one thing at a time, that's all they could do.
Right now, that one thing was Tim because Taylor was okay. She hadn't become infected with the meningitis despite being the one to come to Tim's aid and get him into an ambulance that evening. She had dodged the bullet, but had been given strict orders to rest. Because of this, she went to her Lieutenant at her precinct and requested a desk job, as much as didn't like being ont he beat. She would do anything it took this time. She also dropped her hours to part time. They would still have her income, and she would still be able to take it easy. So far, it had been going smoothly and she felt well, just more tired than usual. The days she was able, she had sat with Jason the whole time he waited outside the ICU. They talked extensively, contemplated wedding plans when Tim was well enough to be Jason's Best Man again. Things were okay on that front, and after everything he had gone through in the recent years, Jason was more than happy to not push for anything beyond 'okay' at the best of times.
Now here he was finally, and could see with his own eyes that Tim was awake. He didn't look so good at all, but he looked better than that first day Jason saw him. He had barely even looked alive then. After being hit with a cocktail of different antibiotics and some steroids, Tim's condition had stabled more and more each day. Right now, they were just working on mix of medications that would work to keep a hold on the epilepsy. For now, that side of things was still unstable and Tim was still having regular fits, albeit off less intensity than when they first started. Just a few hours before, Billy had explained to Jason that now that Tim was awake and if he kept getting a little better each day, he could be allowed to go home in a few days if he agreed to strict bed rest. Likely expectation was Tim to be ill for a good few weeks to come yet, but if he took care of himself and followed medical advice, he would get back on his feet and back normal soon enough. The only thing was, Billy was adament that Tim was going to go back to Dillon with him and Mindy so they could take care of them. Jason was more than wary to simply give into that, knowing that Tim already felt on the outer with his brother after the baby was born and Mindy really wasn't Tim's number one fan. Jason found it hard to believe she would just happily nurse him through an illness. Then there was the added aggravation that Jason knew Billy was guilty of the crime Tim could end up going to jail for, and it took literally all his inner strength not to tell Billy to go fuck himself sideways. But that was something that was going to have to be revisited when Tim had the strength to choose himself what he wanted to do when he was discharged from hospital.
Jason exhaled softly and didn't hesitate in taking Tim's hand in some sort of attempt to offer slight comfort but more just a way to let Tim know he was there for him. "I know, dude," he replied quietly and calmly, holding Tim's groggy gaze. "You gotta be having a whole life flashing before your eyes type experience right now, yeah? If not, it'll come. It kinda sucks too. But... it gets better, man. Maybe it ain't gonna right away, but it will. You ain't alone, we ain't ever gonna let you be. You just need to lie there and chill. We'll take care of you. And I know, I know. Ironic we come a full circle and I actually tell you to sit and chill, not yell at you for being bone idle," he added with a faint smirk. "How you feeling, Timmy? They've got you a bit doped up on pain killers, but you'll still probably be feeling it."
Tim gave a small huff of amusement in lieu of having the strength to laugh properly. "Maybe I should nearly die more often? Get y'all off my back." He cleared his throat and glanced down at Jason's paralysed fingers loosely tucked inside his own. "Sorry... bad joke. I dunno how I really feel, J. Kinda like my brain ain't there no more. If I even got one in the first place. I don't wanna be in here no more."
"You've gotta be, dude. Trust me, I know better than anyone how it feels to just want to go home and hope everything is gonna get better. But you're here because there ain't no one at home who can help you like they all can here. Silas might be able to help with some of the medicinal side of things, but I'm pretty sure he ain't gonna have a cure for meningitis growing in his hot house," Jason joked, smirking himself. He paused and watched Tim in concern for a few moments. "Y'all know what's going on, right? They explained to you about the epilepsy, at least a lil bit? Because if you wanna know anything else, I've been doing some research. Silas has been trying to Google the stuff on cell phones, too. We've all been brushing up on what it's all about and what's gonna roll with it so we can help out. The thing is, dude, they say you can probably go him in a few days, but still need to rest in bed there and be taken care of. And, um... Billy says he wants you home at his place in Dillon..."
There was some hesitation before Tim answered and at first, all he could manage to get out was a sharp breath as he tried to contemplate the situation. "I... uh... yeah. Alright." He was suddenly starkly aware of all the sounds the medical equipment were making again. Sometimes he could tune it out, others it was there, feeling like it was drilling deeply into his brain. "Makes sense, I guess."
Jason's face immediately fell into an angry, defensive frown. "It ain't making no damn sense at all, Timmy!" he insisted with an irritated shake of his head. "Just because he's riddled with guilt 'bout you landing in hospital after he let you take the fall for him, doesn't mean you being there for him to attempt to take care of you when you're ill is the right thing to do. He can't even take care of himself or his family legally! He and Mindy didn't want you there when you were well, so no, it doesn't make sense they want you there now. You can stay here in Austin, with us. We'll all take care of you. Billy can go kiss his and Mindy's ass. He's had plenty of time to try and make things right for you in your life. Hell, for years it was supposed to be his job to make sure he did and what did he do? Got in so much shit with the cops you're facing prison taking the fall for him." He paused, shaking his head. "You're staying here."
Tim watched Jason silently through the angry and clearly frustrated outburst, wondering if anything had gone down between Jason and Billy, or if Jason had eluded to Billy that he knew Tim was innocent. Strangely enough, however, despite his indignation following being charged for Billy's crimes that no one would know his brother did it, right at that moment, Tim just felt too damn ill and tired to care who knew what. He suddenly just didn't want to think about it, or anything. "No," he got out hoarsely, making an attempt to clear his parched throat before speaking again. "Y'all got shit goin' on, J. Ain't gonna just saddle ya' with more of takin' care of me. M'gonna be fine soon anyway. Time I went back to Dillon."
Jason bit down on his lip to chew back anymore reflexively anger. He sighed in frustration and looked up at the ceiling, counting to ten to keep his calm before looking back to Tim. "It ain't up for no arguing, dude. And you've gotta listen to me right now, alright? You ain't gonna be fine soon, Timmy. Not as soon as you think, anyway. You need a lotta help before you're gonna get back on your feet, and if Billy wasn't even hanging on by the skin of his teeth before, he ain't gonna be in no position to take care of you now. There's more of us, and between us all, someone should be able to be there with you all the time. We can make this work." He rubbed the egde of his thumb across his forehead tiredly. "Timmy... you're ill. Seriously ill. You gotta be taking it easy while you adjust to having the epilepsy. You need people 'round you in case you have a fit while your body gets used to the medications. Ain't any of this medical shit happens overnight, alright? It takes times. And I know it's terrifying, I really do, but there ain't any ifs or buts in this. If ever there's a time to just pull your head in and shut up to listen, it's now."
A shaky sensation of something unrecognisable washed over Tim and he pressed his lips together, closing his eyes. "Can ya' just... can ya' stay? Here? Just for a lil while at least?" he asked in a mumble and his hand tightened firmly around Jason's fingers when his head started to feel weird again. "And I gotta talk to Sam, too, but Six, I... I need ya' stay-" It was the last Tim managed to get out and before Jason had a chance to reply, Tim's consciousness was yanked away again when the monitor's above started to ring with the warning buzzers to alert to yet another seizure that engulfed him.
Word Count | 2,695
Co-written with texas33forever
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Tim was pretty convinced he had never, in his whole life, been in this much pain. Even thinking seemed to hurt, yet he somehow had to fathom a range of information people seemed to be attempting to feed him at regular intervals. Doctors, nurses, Coach, Mrs T, Billy, Mindy, Mindy's mom, more doctors, more nurses, a cleaner. It had been close to forty eight hours since Tim had woken up with what had to be the worst hangover of his life. It was all hazy now, and it felt to him like he kept drifting in and out a heavy sleep. He preferred being asleep, because the latter took a lot more effort than energy than he had right now. It was getting a little better, though. He was still in this hospital room connected to all these machines that beeped and whooshed and clicked. He still felt like extreme crap. But there was a tiny bit more clairty. He had meningitis explained to him in basic, non-doctor speak so he kinda got it now, he just didn't remember much surrounding it. He remembered the worst headache of his life, but little else.
Now there was something else, unlike anything he had ever faced before, and he was terrified. He had heard of epilepsy, but that didn't mean he knew what the hell it was, or what it meant to his life. All he knew was what they told him. Something in his brain making him have fits, and would for the rest of his life. He remembered no fits, so it didn't make sense. Drugs would help it, apparently. The prescription kind, not the fun kind. So, getting sick with one thing he didn't understand make him get sick with a whole other different thing he also didn't understand. Tim had always been a solo-flyer, tackling the world and what it laid in his lap the best way he knew how. Most of the time, that wasn't the most positive of things, either. Actually 99% of his life was just one big fuck up, and now this? Or even worse, was he going to die?
He had hardly said anything to anyone who came and went. It exhausted him to talk to much anyway, but he also had nothing to say to them. Everyone kept asking him if he had questions, but he never came forth with anything. He held off this long, until it just got too much and he finally did ask one question of a nurse who was giving him some shot in his gut... Where was Six? It took the nurse a few minutes to figure out who the hell 'Six' was, but she had been happily able to report to Tim eventually that the 'young man in the wheelchair had been by every day'. Of course, this angered Tim, wondering why the hell Jason had made no effort to actually speak to him... until he realised he sudenly knew exactly how Jason would have felt those years ago during his own hospital stay when Tim was avoiding him, staying away because he was not only riddled with guilt, but also terrified. Now the tables had turned, and Tim couldn't blame Jason for giving him a dose of his own medicine. At least, that was what he let himself believe, and beat himself up about internally, until it was Mrs T that had revealed that the reason Jason wasn't there at Tim's bedside was because he wasn't immediate family. The only reason Coach and herself were allowed there was because it was an exception with Tim having no parents on hand. Billy had requested their presence when it got too hard for him to cope with seeing Tim so ill and seizing on a regular basis. Tim didn't know this, though. All that was revealed as that Jason was, indeed, there and had been every single day Tim had been sick.
Tim merely drew in a shaky, shallow breath and watched as he finally saw Jason appear and approach his bedside in his wheelchair. He wet his dry lips and the merest hint of a faint smile flicked at the edges of them at the presence of his oldest friend. "Ain't got the best cable offerin's in a place like this, have they?" he joked weakly when Jason pulled up by him and flicked the brakes of the chair on. Before Jason could even reply, Tim added, barely audibly, "I'm scared, Six."
The words were enough to almost take Jason's breath away, for the pure and simple reason that he never, as long as he lived, expected to hear them from Tim. The last week since Tim had fallen seriously ill and ended up on life support in the ICU, Jason had spent a lot of time sitting and waiting. Thinking. Thinking a lot, about a whole different range of things. The past, the present, the future, none particularly more than the other. So much was up in the air and uncertain, there was so much to be scared about right now. Things were back on track with Taylor, but at the same time, both of them new things had shifted with the baby on the way. It was the second pregnancy they had experienced together, the first ending tragically when Taylor got injured in the car accident with Sam that led to her breaking up with Jason when she was riddled with guilt. Now they had their second chance, both on their relationship and with another baby on the way. There was a risk, though, that Taylor might now carry full term due to her injuries during the first pregnancy. It was a scary waiting game, one that they both felt sat on the backburner when Tim had become sick. It was hard enough to think that Tim's life had been precariously in the balance if he hadn't received the treatment me did; it was impossible to contemplate the fact the baby might be at risk too. Take one thing at a time, that's all they could do.
Right now, that one thing was Tim because Taylor was okay. She hadn't become infected with the meningitis despite being the one to come to Tim's aid and get him into an ambulance that evening. She had dodged the bullet, but had been given strict orders to rest. Because of this, she went to her Lieutenant at her precinct and requested a desk job, as much as didn't like being ont he beat. She would do anything it took this time. She also dropped her hours to part time. They would still have her income, and she would still be able to take it easy. So far, it had been going smoothly and she felt well, just more tired than usual. The days she was able, she had sat with Jason the whole time he waited outside the ICU. They talked extensively, contemplated wedding plans when Tim was well enough to be Jason's Best Man again. Things were okay on that front, and after everything he had gone through in the recent years, Jason was more than happy to not push for anything beyond 'okay' at the best of times.
Now here he was finally, and could see with his own eyes that Tim was awake. He didn't look so good at all, but he looked better than that first day Jason saw him. He had barely even looked alive then. After being hit with a cocktail of different antibiotics and some steroids, Tim's condition had stabled more and more each day. Right now, they were just working on mix of medications that would work to keep a hold on the epilepsy. For now, that side of things was still unstable and Tim was still having regular fits, albeit off less intensity than when they first started. Just a few hours before, Billy had explained to Jason that now that Tim was awake and if he kept getting a little better each day, he could be allowed to go home in a few days if he agreed to strict bed rest. Likely expectation was Tim to be ill for a good few weeks to come yet, but if he took care of himself and followed medical advice, he would get back on his feet and back normal soon enough. The only thing was, Billy was adament that Tim was going to go back to Dillon with him and Mindy so they could take care of them. Jason was more than wary to simply give into that, knowing that Tim already felt on the outer with his brother after the baby was born and Mindy really wasn't Tim's number one fan. Jason found it hard to believe she would just happily nurse him through an illness. Then there was the added aggravation that Jason knew Billy was guilty of the crime Tim could end up going to jail for, and it took literally all his inner strength not to tell Billy to go fuck himself sideways. But that was something that was going to have to be revisited when Tim had the strength to choose himself what he wanted to do when he was discharged from hospital.
Jason exhaled softly and didn't hesitate in taking Tim's hand in some sort of attempt to offer slight comfort but more just a way to let Tim know he was there for him. "I know, dude," he replied quietly and calmly, holding Tim's groggy gaze. "You gotta be having a whole life flashing before your eyes type experience right now, yeah? If not, it'll come. It kinda sucks too. But... it gets better, man. Maybe it ain't gonna right away, but it will. You ain't alone, we ain't ever gonna let you be. You just need to lie there and chill. We'll take care of you. And I know, I know. Ironic we come a full circle and I actually tell you to sit and chill, not yell at you for being bone idle," he added with a faint smirk. "How you feeling, Timmy? They've got you a bit doped up on pain killers, but you'll still probably be feeling it."
Tim gave a small huff of amusement in lieu of having the strength to laugh properly. "Maybe I should nearly die more often? Get y'all off my back." He cleared his throat and glanced down at Jason's paralysed fingers loosely tucked inside his own. "Sorry... bad joke. I dunno how I really feel, J. Kinda like my brain ain't there no more. If I even got one in the first place. I don't wanna be in here no more."
"You've gotta be, dude. Trust me, I know better than anyone how it feels to just want to go home and hope everything is gonna get better. But you're here because there ain't no one at home who can help you like they all can here. Silas might be able to help with some of the medicinal side of things, but I'm pretty sure he ain't gonna have a cure for meningitis growing in his hot house," Jason joked, smirking himself. He paused and watched Tim in concern for a few moments. "Y'all know what's going on, right? They explained to you about the epilepsy, at least a lil bit? Because if you wanna know anything else, I've been doing some research. Silas has been trying to Google the stuff on cell phones, too. We've all been brushing up on what it's all about and what's gonna roll with it so we can help out. The thing is, dude, they say you can probably go him in a few days, but still need to rest in bed there and be taken care of. And, um... Billy says he wants you home at his place in Dillon..."
There was some hesitation before Tim answered and at first, all he could manage to get out was a sharp breath as he tried to contemplate the situation. "I... uh... yeah. Alright." He was suddenly starkly aware of all the sounds the medical equipment were making again. Sometimes he could tune it out, others it was there, feeling like it was drilling deeply into his brain. "Makes sense, I guess."
Jason's face immediately fell into an angry, defensive frown. "It ain't making no damn sense at all, Timmy!" he insisted with an irritated shake of his head. "Just because he's riddled with guilt 'bout you landing in hospital after he let you take the fall for him, doesn't mean you being there for him to attempt to take care of you when you're ill is the right thing to do. He can't even take care of himself or his family legally! He and Mindy didn't want you there when you were well, so no, it doesn't make sense they want you there now. You can stay here in Austin, with us. We'll all take care of you. Billy can go kiss his and Mindy's ass. He's had plenty of time to try and make things right for you in your life. Hell, for years it was supposed to be his job to make sure he did and what did he do? Got in so much shit with the cops you're facing prison taking the fall for him." He paused, shaking his head. "You're staying here."
Tim watched Jason silently through the angry and clearly frustrated outburst, wondering if anything had gone down between Jason and Billy, or if Jason had eluded to Billy that he knew Tim was innocent. Strangely enough, however, despite his indignation following being charged for Billy's crimes that no one would know his brother did it, right at that moment, Tim just felt too damn ill and tired to care who knew what. He suddenly just didn't want to think about it, or anything. "No," he got out hoarsely, making an attempt to clear his parched throat before speaking again. "Y'all got shit goin' on, J. Ain't gonna just saddle ya' with more of takin' care of me. M'gonna be fine soon anyway. Time I went back to Dillon."
Jason bit down on his lip to chew back anymore reflexively anger. He sighed in frustration and looked up at the ceiling, counting to ten to keep his calm before looking back to Tim. "It ain't up for no arguing, dude. And you've gotta listen to me right now, alright? You ain't gonna be fine soon, Timmy. Not as soon as you think, anyway. You need a lotta help before you're gonna get back on your feet, and if Billy wasn't even hanging on by the skin of his teeth before, he ain't gonna be in no position to take care of you now. There's more of us, and between us all, someone should be able to be there with you all the time. We can make this work." He rubbed the egde of his thumb across his forehead tiredly. "Timmy... you're ill. Seriously ill. You gotta be taking it easy while you adjust to having the epilepsy. You need people 'round you in case you have a fit while your body gets used to the medications. Ain't any of this medical shit happens overnight, alright? It takes times. And I know it's terrifying, I really do, but there ain't any ifs or buts in this. If ever there's a time to just pull your head in and shut up to listen, it's now."
A shaky sensation of something unrecognisable washed over Tim and he pressed his lips together, closing his eyes. "Can ya' just... can ya' stay? Here? Just for a lil while at least?" he asked in a mumble and his hand tightened firmly around Jason's fingers when his head started to feel weird again. "And I gotta talk to Sam, too, but Six, I... I need ya' stay-" It was the last Tim managed to get out and before Jason had a chance to reply, Tim's consciousness was yanked away again when the monitor's above started to ring with the warning buzzers to alert to yet another seizure that engulfed him.
Word Count | 2,695