(no subject)
If I press my nose any closer to this window, I'll choke on the thick layers of dust and dirt that reside here. Whatever happened to walking in the dark? Bad people, or just the gut-wrenching feeling created by the stories and stereo types that lurk on the news, amongst your friends, and in the local newspapers? Music that I fall asleep to never fails to wake me in the morning. Wakes me to a day in this world. Everything comes from somewhere, but I don't understand how. Someone or something conjures bullshit that ruins families, or movie-happy moments that bring them together. Everyone falls and achieves. Put on your shoes and get off to work to make money to buy things to further perpetuate your satisfaction of living life. It's still mysterious, anyway-right? Clogged- pussy filled pores are buckets that swallow all the regret, aingst, misery, guilt, love, curiousity, stupidity, self-rightiousness, romantic, comfortable feelings and actions that we all have endoured thousands of times. And you're always either selfesh, or unselfish. there's no in between. there's no doing both. and if it doesn't pay off, they both make you feel like shit. why did all the elders say "do what makes you happy," "you know whats best for you," "take care of yourself first." When every third person now-a-days calls you a selfish prick. Do for yourself and for others, and don't take into account any judgement. As long as its comfortable, feels right to you, and makes you feel good, and not completely immoral, it's most likely more than okay. I miss the occasional bouts of constructive criticism. And the occasional drinking too. Alcohol was used to cure some ailments, or body wounds. Whether you drink to relax, get silly with a few friends, or push it for some stupid reason and wake up to the toilet in the morning, its real life. You've expereinced it. It's all your choice. I've lived with regret plenty of times. Let it gut half of me out. But it gets to a point where you get dizzy from the circles, and you just have to stop. You have to take life on like a bull by its horns. You have to be yourself and you have to accept that and what you've done. And hope to god that you've really learned from it. And you do the best to be the best at what you do. You find the people/person or things that make you happy and you stick with them.. because in the end, its all you have. Your family, your word, and those treasures. Don't chase them away. Why do we hold things in, lie, or say things we don't mean? And do we say things we don't mean to make the other feel hurt, or do we do it so they won't think to notice that we're hurting like hell? Do we sit on the side lines or do we dodge in? Bad experiences make you feel ready to face anything. But we're never done learning. People are souls. Souls don't kill. Guns don't either. It's their crazy brains that occupy the empty bubble in their own flesh. We should all live our lives riding bikes and singing old Smiths songs. Lose yourself in a good book before you go to sleep. Its a whole other world and it just might keep you from crying. I have faith in the most important things. I have important values that drive me to do or say stupid things. Whatever you wear, where ever you live, no matter who you cut off, no matter how many things you bury yourself under, whatever car you drive [OR EVEN IF YOU DON'T...] you cannot hide from the riches and the sunset and the people that knew you back before you became something, from love, or from the few haunting incounters with a close enemy. This is your life. What do you want to make of it? Don't be afraid to be you. Don't afraid to be honest. Don't be afraid to scream and take a break. They're the best things you can offer. Don't forget whats worth it. And get some sleep. You've gotta look beautiful in the morning.