The Buttress of Windsor---ho, ho, ho who's this?
I will not make myself this ill any longer;
since when has all rationalization been shut off completely?
I feel horrible twenty four hours out of every day;
why?
well, not entirely horrible, there are moments and places and people, well probably actually only a person, that usually helps me to transcend all of this bullshit and remember who I truly am. and for that I should at least be thankful, correct?
I'm trying so hard to comprehend, to grasp some sort of meaning I can memorize, but truly all I want is to let go, but apparently I am too fucked up to simply just do so.
I think I have my shit together, but everything is just hazy. and this pit in my stomach grows twice its size every single day. I need some sort of security. or maybe just a big fucking lock to to keep these useless emotions under wraps.
I've done my wondering. I've done my wandering. I've done more things than you would think, and although I'm gradually breaking down, piece by piece, I do have my shit together. and this shit is something you should never ever take forgranted or disregard so lightly, because this shit is a commodity. this shit is exclusive. this shit is unattainable anywhere's but here, with me, right now.
seemingly, I have all the time in the world, but I do not. you must understand.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyway.
you're gone. right now. hopefully this isn't some form of permanence.
last night was ridiculous.
I worked until seven and then jaime and alex met up with me and we went to the lake, ate some grilled goods, rode in a boat, and kicked off consumption.
followed by the most intensely heated game of UNO I have ever participated in.
drunkeness ensued and a journey was had to a rather strange get together where I reached the climax of my intoxication through far too many cloves, non-stop dancing, and rolling biligerently off a cliff into a bush. all-in-all, good times.
I'm pretty much glad Jaime is around because she helps me keep my head--plus rocking, karaoke, and other adventures are the ultimate in awesome.
since when has all rationalization been shut off completely?
I feel horrible twenty four hours out of every day;
why?
well, not entirely horrible, there are moments and places and people, well probably actually only a person, that usually helps me to transcend all of this bullshit and remember who I truly am. and for that I should at least be thankful, correct?
I'm trying so hard to comprehend, to grasp some sort of meaning I can memorize, but truly all I want is to let go, but apparently I am too fucked up to simply just do so.
I think I have my shit together, but everything is just hazy. and this pit in my stomach grows twice its size every single day. I need some sort of security. or maybe just a big fucking lock to to keep these useless emotions under wraps.
I've done my wondering. I've done my wandering. I've done more things than you would think, and although I'm gradually breaking down, piece by piece, I do have my shit together. and this shit is something you should never ever take forgranted or disregard so lightly, because this shit is a commodity. this shit is exclusive. this shit is unattainable anywhere's but here, with me, right now.
seemingly, I have all the time in the world, but I do not. you must understand.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyway.
you're gone. right now. hopefully this isn't some form of permanence.
last night was ridiculous.
I worked until seven and then jaime and alex met up with me and we went to the lake, ate some grilled goods, rode in a boat, and kicked off consumption.
followed by the most intensely heated game of UNO I have ever participated in.
drunkeness ensued and a journey was had to a rather strange get together where I reached the climax of my intoxication through far too many cloves, non-stop dancing, and rolling biligerently off a cliff into a bush. all-in-all, good times.
I'm pretty much glad Jaime is around because she helps me keep my head--plus rocking, karaoke, and other adventures are the ultimate in awesome.