She hides her hurt behind her fake smile and guarded eyes.

[itwaslikedieing]

Life, What is this chaotic span of time that us humans are forced to endure. We are created by the force of two people, we have no say in our own formation. Day to day we trudge on, make goals and live, but for what...I mean what really is the point. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE living and life but WHY do I love it. What places these feelings in me. Is it God? I am a firm believer in God, so maybe I should put aside my curiosity? Maybe there is no specific reason for living, and maybe that just might be the point. Sorry for the nonsense going on, but I am in a very complintative mood. Slightly sad complintative though. I can feel the depression slowly seeping in, I always do. It is like the slow dull drip of a leaky faucet that eventually turns into a ferocious river bursting into my heart and soul. The darkness is closing in and I am not exactly sure what to do. Sit through it like always? What if I don't surface from it, what if I drown in the rabid river of desolateness? Eh, I just don't know. I just feel so inadequate , alone and in this never ending rut. Will I ever amount to anything? I just don't see it. My goals are going to be unrealised because I just don't have the will power to do it. I CAN'T do it and im sick of telling myself I can. I am so sick of forcing myself to be happy. I just want to go away from everything and hide in a dark hole alone. Ugh, ok im stopping, I am acting like an angsty teenager. I just need to let that burst trickle out I suppose. Don't worry people, I LOVE my life and my family and I dont really wanna be alone, I fear alone and maybe that is my true problem. I will overcome these dark feelings, as I always do. Maybe I need a nap. lol See my senseless humor is saving me again MUAHA! Alright im out
Like anyone reads this anyways.
Pointless L.J
Crystal