Week 7
And the depression is here. I almost feel like I'm back in my first pregnancy; all the effort to think positive and do things differently this time around is irrelevant. I told Nick I feel like I'm alone on a ship that's sailing away from all the people and things I love that make me happy, and there's nothing I can do to turn around. I have a list of things from before I got pregnant that I thought would help me feel better if I could remember to do them, now I don't want to do any of those things. It's hard to believe that no matter how many times I experience depression, when I come out on the other side, I always think I could have done something better to make it easier. And then every time depression returns, I remember there is nothing I can do. It really is like an alternate reality. I can't understand either side from the vantage point of the other.
I read this week that nausea in the first trimester is associated with healthier pregnancies and babies, so that's the one silver lining I'm clinging to. I can't believe I haven't even had my first doctor's appointment and I've already been through so many difficult symptoms. I wish we could take better care of our pregnant women. I wish I could take better care of myself.