Because I'm terribly M and like to wind myself up
The moment he packed his bags and went out the door, you held your ground and said nothing. You looked to the future and saw him coming back. He'd always come back, no matter what. You sat and watched as he quested for his Chimera, thinking that he might just be crazy enough to make it work. You smirked, and in your head you wished him your best, knowing bitterly that the chances of him making it are about a thousand to one. Still you crossed your fingers behind your back and stepped on that stage with a smile plastered on your resilient mask, careful to hide the cracks seeping in from the edges. You laughed with everyone else. You sang and danced and joked.
You didn't think about what it meant, not even the obvious betrayal stabbing at the apex of your heart. You ignored the aching and started counting the days. Just another five months and he'll be back.
--
You get used to not having him around, not having him mess up your place and leave empty beer cans on the coffee table. You go home to an empty apartment and say "I'm home" not expecting any response. You get used to dancing with people who aren't him. Your rhythm blends into theirs and your flaws become less noticeable. You learn to lean on whoever's left, not knowing until when you're waiting, and what you're waiting for. You grow accustomed to just five people inside the dressing room. Six is the magic number, but you learn that five is just as fine. You get through somehow. Some days are harder than others, but you get through. It's not the same without him, that's true, you have to be different. You have to be stronger.
You see places you've never seen before, and he's not there to see it with you, but that's okay. You've resigned to thinking of the past, when you both stared at the winter sky with your mouths agape. It gives you what little consolation it can muster, and you start feeling a little better just having that memory.
As he runs to his perfect sunset, you wonder if you'll be left behind in the darkness of the night. You come to the end of your countdown and you get used to the thought, just as you get used to not seeing any messages or missed calls on your private line. The phone reserved only for him never rings anymore. It doesn't bother you. Not anymore. You're not waiting because as that single flame of hope dies out and leaves nothing but an unfeeling hole in your chest, you know that he'll never come back.
You didn't think about what it meant, not even the obvious betrayal stabbing at the apex of your heart. You ignored the aching and started counting the days. Just another five months and he'll be back.
--
You get used to not having him around, not having him mess up your place and leave empty beer cans on the coffee table. You go home to an empty apartment and say "I'm home" not expecting any response. You get used to dancing with people who aren't him. Your rhythm blends into theirs and your flaws become less noticeable. You learn to lean on whoever's left, not knowing until when you're waiting, and what you're waiting for. You grow accustomed to just five people inside the dressing room. Six is the magic number, but you learn that five is just as fine. You get through somehow. Some days are harder than others, but you get through. It's not the same without him, that's true, you have to be different. You have to be stronger.
You see places you've never seen before, and he's not there to see it with you, but that's okay. You've resigned to thinking of the past, when you both stared at the winter sky with your mouths agape. It gives you what little consolation it can muster, and you start feeling a little better just having that memory.
As he runs to his perfect sunset, you wonder if you'll be left behind in the darkness of the night. You come to the end of your countdown and you get used to the thought, just as you get used to not seeing any messages or missed calls on your private line. The phone reserved only for him never rings anymore. It doesn't bother you. Not anymore. You're not waiting because as that single flame of hope dies out and leaves nothing but an unfeeling hole in your chest, you know that he'll never come back.