well....
i wish i could hang out with all my friends like i used to. now no1 ever calls me or even invites me to go anywere. it makes me think now that wut if the people i really thought were my friends, weren't at all. then i have my mom. we used to be so close and we were almost best friends, now we hate each-other and for no real reason. i never have anyone to talk to. im always alone. whenever i do hang out with my friends i always end up feeling so self concious and i start to think that they don't like me. it makes me sad when ur sitting with ur friend and sum1 else walks up and their so excited to see them, that never happens to me (only Aryn). i hate it that everyday as soon as i step into the front door of my house i fell instant depression. and im failing skool and its so hard but i really do try. there isn't any positives in my life except for weed but i dont want to rely on a substance to make me happy. i wunder if i should just die now or live life to the fullest and hope i die sumwere on the way. i wish i wusn't so self concious, i wish i could trust people more. now-a-days whenever i do go sumwere i think the people im with only let me come because they pitty me. wich is the worst thing ever. i wish i wus wanted, i wish i had sumthing to look forward to. sumtimes i wunder if my life will ever get better or will i just live in a black hole for the rest of my life. it REALLY makes me so happy when people call me or invite me sumwere, its just too bad that no1 ever does. the people i used to hang out with alot have already moved on to sum1 else. its amazing how easily people forget about u. its awkward when people are so cheerful around u, and i really do try to be cheerful but its too hard. i have never intentually hurt one of my friends, if i have i AM very sorry. i never write in my journal especially entrys like this one, it took alot for me to say this. once they get to know u, they will run.