Hah why bother with anything... Ever?
I know no one really knows but what are we doing here exactly? To make a difference? Why? It's not like changing someone else's worthless pathetic life is going to do anything. It's like this, effect one person or effect one billion people. It's all the same. We all aren't going to amount to anything. After about an average of 75 years we all die (Some sooner may I add). And after we die do we go to heaven? Who knows that? Who really knows that? And what happens if your lost from God and you don't believe in heaven. The term "atheist" doesn't really appeal to me because everyone believes in something. Whether it's some type of God, a person or a video game .:shrugs:. there's some weird people out there man. And I'd like to believe in God and everything I really do but, I think the reason why we're here is for a test to serve him. It doesn't matter right now because I uhh... Don't really care. Right now I wanna go into a corner and cry my eyes out like a friggen emo kid. I don't give a flip of what Athena says or anyone else I've let them change my opinions on having feelings, being BI and various other things. Whatever.
1) Sarah and Thomas are going back out.
2) Can't get a hold of James (Different from 4).
3) Saw Damien (Always makes my day oh yeah)
4) James is being a pain in the butt (Different from 2).
5) I've given up on trying to figure out this strange disease my sister has on making people feel like crap, being a total phyco, and looking up to her.
6) Heh well can't really figure out why I'm here anymore. Though I did have this figured out like a week ago!!!
7) I can't keep up with my grades, they always seem to disappoint me. People say that 4 A's, 2 B's and a C is good but it's not. I don't even think all A's is good enough.
8) I'm so unfulfilled in anything I do.
9) I can't seem to let someone go no matter how hard I try but he has a GF and is very happy with her so I shall not state or even talk to this person about the way I feel.
10) There's yet another (-_- I'm tired when I say this) person I regret letting go and that's James (Referring to 2).
11) I've been trying to turn my life around and stuff you know, go to church, pray, the whole sha-bang.. But what I've found is I've just gotten into deeper stuff. Like I'm being dragged against the tide just like with everything else I do. I really do want to change and I really do want to mean it but it's not changing. The things I have changed haven't benefited anyone really so what's the point of trying to make people happy anymore?
12) I'm never happy. Even if I try to be happy or make myself happy I can't even do that right.
13) I want to feel loved. I want my friends back. When I used to take pills and stuff I felt more loved then I do now. For some reason I felt loved by the people that would let me take pills, overdose, and sometimes even give me them to take. If that's pretty messed up, isn't it even more so if I don't feel loved by the people that are telling me not to do those bad things? And I want a boyfriend. A good one. Like James. He seems perfect and I think that's the reason I was scared to take him while I could. I can't believe I was so stupid. I always seem to screw everything up.
14) I feel so numb of anything that anyone tells me anymore. It's all the same stuff all the time. I don't have a reaction to anything.
15) I'm tired of the same thing all the time. I want something new for once. And for once, I want someone to tell me good news. I know you have friends to help you get through the hard times but aren't they there to share the good times with too? Not just good news but I want to BE there when something good happens. Have good things happen to me too.
16) I can't seem to find out what's wrong with me. I've been awfully moody lately actually. Like now. About fifteen minutes ago I was perfectly fine and happy and I thought I had everything figured out, until just now where I'm totally depressed. I don't get why either.
17) People can't just be happy for what they have. They always want something they don't need or is impossible to have. I think that's one of my many problems. I'm GRATEFUL for what I have but not happy with it. I have a nice house. I have parents. I have siblings. I go to a pretty good school. I have lots of acquaintances. I know of like 5 guys that have liked me this year, all of which I have turned down. I have lots of money right now. We have 4 cars. I have a cute dog. I have my own computer. It's all material and worthless in my book. I really do enjoy having this stuff but I'm still not happy. There's a huge gap in my heart I can't fill. I've tried putting God there but I'm doing something wrong. I'm just like a broken doll, trying to make people happy when I can and then just simply thrown to the side.
18) I have no special talents, personality traits, skills, use of any kind that makes me special.
19) My standards are so high I can't even fulfill them. It's pretty sad trying to amuse myself by setting impossible goals for people to surpass.
20) There's not a darn dandy doodley dang thing I or anyone else can do about anything. I wish I could go to a shrink, get some drugs, be promiscuous and just do anything I want, drink and be in a fake happy wonderland in itself. That my friends (Or so you seem if your reading this right now) would be the good life for me.
1) Sarah and Thomas are going back out.
2) Can't get a hold of James (Different from 4).
3) Saw Damien (Always makes my day oh yeah)
4) James is being a pain in the butt (Different from 2).
5) I've given up on trying to figure out this strange disease my sister has on making people feel like crap, being a total phyco, and looking up to her.
6) Heh well can't really figure out why I'm here anymore. Though I did have this figured out like a week ago!!!
7) I can't keep up with my grades, they always seem to disappoint me. People say that 4 A's, 2 B's and a C is good but it's not. I don't even think all A's is good enough.
8) I'm so unfulfilled in anything I do.
9) I can't seem to let someone go no matter how hard I try but he has a GF and is very happy with her so I shall not state or even talk to this person about the way I feel.
10) There's yet another (-_- I'm tired when I say this) person I regret letting go and that's James (Referring to 2).
11) I've been trying to turn my life around and stuff you know, go to church, pray, the whole sha-bang.. But what I've found is I've just gotten into deeper stuff. Like I'm being dragged against the tide just like with everything else I do. I really do want to change and I really do want to mean it but it's not changing. The things I have changed haven't benefited anyone really so what's the point of trying to make people happy anymore?
12) I'm never happy. Even if I try to be happy or make myself happy I can't even do that right.
13) I want to feel loved. I want my friends back. When I used to take pills and stuff I felt more loved then I do now. For some reason I felt loved by the people that would let me take pills, overdose, and sometimes even give me them to take. If that's pretty messed up, isn't it even more so if I don't feel loved by the people that are telling me not to do those bad things? And I want a boyfriend. A good one. Like James. He seems perfect and I think that's the reason I was scared to take him while I could. I can't believe I was so stupid. I always seem to screw everything up.
14) I feel so numb of anything that anyone tells me anymore. It's all the same stuff all the time. I don't have a reaction to anything.
15) I'm tired of the same thing all the time. I want something new for once. And for once, I want someone to tell me good news. I know you have friends to help you get through the hard times but aren't they there to share the good times with too? Not just good news but I want to BE there when something good happens. Have good things happen to me too.
16) I can't seem to find out what's wrong with me. I've been awfully moody lately actually. Like now. About fifteen minutes ago I was perfectly fine and happy and I thought I had everything figured out, until just now where I'm totally depressed. I don't get why either.
17) People can't just be happy for what they have. They always want something they don't need or is impossible to have. I think that's one of my many problems. I'm GRATEFUL for what I have but not happy with it. I have a nice house. I have parents. I have siblings. I go to a pretty good school. I have lots of acquaintances. I know of like 5 guys that have liked me this year, all of which I have turned down. I have lots of money right now. We have 4 cars. I have a cute dog. I have my own computer. It's all material and worthless in my book. I really do enjoy having this stuff but I'm still not happy. There's a huge gap in my heart I can't fill. I've tried putting God there but I'm doing something wrong. I'm just like a broken doll, trying to make people happy when I can and then just simply thrown to the side.
18) I have no special talents, personality traits, skills, use of any kind that makes me special.
19) My standards are so high I can't even fulfill them. It's pretty sad trying to amuse myself by setting impossible goals for people to surpass.
20) There's not a darn dandy doodley dang thing I or anyone else can do about anything. I wish I could go to a shrink, get some drugs, be promiscuous and just do anything I want, drink and be in a fake happy wonderland in itself. That my friends (Or so you seem if your reading this right now) would be the good life for me.