January 22 - Original: Descantverse- "The Fracture Before the Final Break"
I lost my inspiration most of the way through this and was stuck trying to figure out how to properly end it. Izzy and Azazel do not know when to give a girl a break. Mostly I just wanted to play around with this random new plot development that has been dropped on my head.
Israfel felt like she was going to be sick. Mathias and the others had the strategy portion of this little journey back into The Between for Round Two with Ceirdowyn, so she wasn’t really needed in their little "war room", which gave her ample opportunity to stand outside and pace back and forth, all while concentrating on not throwing up.
She never knew... And she shouldn’t have had to learn that way. In fact, she was probably better off not knowing at all. Angels were permitted to mate in all senses of the word and they certainly reproduced, but spawning for them had about as much intimacy as a plant being fertilized. They had no parental feelings, they didn’t think about the concept of offspring- oh they certainly knew that whatever act of fornication they might commit could result in offspring, but they’d never know which young angel was theirs when it grew enough to flit amongst other angels, nor would they have a desire to know. Hell, that was probably why so many human mothers were abandoned with Nephilim bastards when the Grigori first started walking the Earth- angels simply didn’t understand the fact that for humans, reproduction was different.
And yet, here she was, a mother of who knew how many angels, suddenly fully aware of at least one of her own offspring. It might have been easier to take if it was an angel she had never met, one that she didn’t actually have feelings for, but because it was Pagiel, it tore her apart. She had embraced that little Cherub and taken her under her wings, and now, perhaps, she understood why, but that didn’t make it any easier. Adoration from an older angel to a younger one was nothing new and perfectly healthy, but these feelings she had now weren’t natural. They were strange and foreign and they scared her.
Azazel eased out of the room, somehow managing to look as sick as she felt, although it was probably for a different reason. "Izzy?"
"Did you know?" She demanded, not even bothering to correct him for using the endearment she had forbid him to use.
"I suspected," he nodded, shifting uncomfortably. "When you looked at the facts, it was so clear. No other angel could sing like you could... Except her."
She went back to pacing. "I feel really strange... Like I just want to tear Ceirdowyn’s heart, except I have no real reason to feel that way."
"Except that she took your little girl away," Azazel explained. "It’s called being maternal."
"But I’m not maternal! I’m an angel- we don’t feel that way," she cried, balling her hands into fists as if she was ready to punch something. (Azazel winced out of habit, but she didn’t even try to strike him.) "You can’t tell me you suddenly feel paternal?"
"Oh, I’ve felt paternal for a long time now. That’s the sad fate of the Grigori. We live amongst humans for so long and then we start acting like them. You saw how Gagiel and Ronel looked after their daughters. I am, more or less, the same, except that I haven’t had a daughter to dote over in that way. If you’ll recall, the only human woman I ever cared about, however briefly, lost her baby, blamed me for it, and ran out on me."
"But you had Pagiel," Israfel whispered, lowering her gaze.
"I had her, but I didn’t know what I had. Like I said, all I had were suspicions and a knowledge of the vague similarities between the two of you. In her fiercest moments, she was always a lot like you. That night she fought Gabriel, it was like watching you, only you never had the courage to stand up to her like that."
She almost slapped him for that comment, but she let her hand drop uselessly to her side before she could manage to make the swing. A trace of nostalgia crossed her face and she chuckled. "I remember when they brought Gabriel for her trial, I was shocked that Pagiel was the one who did that to her."
"You felt proud, didn’t you?" He asked, smirking slightly.
"Yeah, I guess I did," Israfel laughed, shaking her head. "Maybe I always knew the truth too and just didn’t believe it."
"The real question of course is what we’re going to do about it," Azazel noted with an air of anxiety. He had every right to feel nervous, however. His relationship with Israfel hadn’t exactly been conductive to anything resembling functionality since they both entered each others’ lives again. And now they had a daughter (albeit a grown daughter who was perfectly capable of taking care of herself- provided, of course, they saved her from the impending doom she was currently facing) and... Well, the awkwardness of what they had believed to be their final moment back in The Between before Mathias saved them still hung over their heads... Or at least it hung over his head. Knowing Izzy, she was probably blocking it out.
"Why would we do anything about it?" Israfel asked, bewildered that he’d even brought the question up. (He honestly should have suspected her to react that way. He knew her better than she wanted him to.) "We’re going to get her back and we’re... We're not going to think about this."
"That’s your solution?" He rolled his eyes. "We don’t think about it?"
"You can think about it if you want," she snapped back, suddenly very irritated for no apparent reason, which wasn't uncommon for her. "You can be all paternal and fatherly with Pagiel and buy her a pony or whatever it is that fathers on this sad little planet do, but I’m not taking any part in it."
She started to storm off and, like a fool, he couldn’t resist taking one last jibe at her, because there was only one reason why she would react that way, and that was the fact that the lingering threat of what she let slip when she thought they were both going to die was haunting her far more than the revelation that the angel that both of them had come to be fond of was actually their daughter was. "Tell me, Israfel, is the reason you want no part of this really because you’re scared of being the maternal figure you already were to Pagiel, only more officially.... Or is it because you’re scared because you can’t take back what you said?"
She stopped, but didn’t look at him, and he drove the knife home, unflinchingly. "About never forgiving me for leaving you, because you couldn’t stop loving me."
She was in his face a moment later, but she didn’t pummel him to the ground like he half-expected her to do. He was so used to being struck that it didn’t even phase him anymore, and saying what was on his mind was far more cathartic and worthwhile, even with the repeated blows to the face, than keeping his mouth shut... But this was different. This wasn’t violence- he knew how to react to that. It was just a single command.
"Don’t."
He deeply considered pressing, but he didn’t or rather, couldn’t. He held back and didn’t say the five million things running through his mind that would have demanded her to own up to the fact that, despite everything, she still loved him, and he was fully aware of it. No amount of backtracking and offhanded remarks about "taking it back" could erase it from his mind.
The truth was, his Izzy- his steadfast, strong, brash, unshakeable, bitchy, and absolutely violent Izzy- was cracking ever so slowly- a hairline just before the final shatter- and he didn’t have to see into her eyes to know it. If anything, her eyes would lie, but the pulse of her aura- once strong and resolute, now wavering like a leaf on the wind- hinted at things that troubled her mind that she wasn’t going to speak of or even show beyond a simple backing down from a fight that scared him more than several millennia of seething hatred and violent inclinations ever could. Things that involved every revelation that beckoned from the heart of The Between where she would have been wont to leave them if they hadn’t of followed her out. Things he would only break her heart by mentioning if only for the opportunity to lord it over her.
So he backed down. It was probably the one thing he’d done since their reunion that even came close to making her happy.
"In the meantime," she said darkly once she was satisfied that he wasn't going to press the matter, sounding just a bit more like her old self. "Don’t mention this whole revelation to Mathias." She glowered at him as if she expected him to make an offhand joke there. "And I mean the one about us being Pagiel’s parents."
"I know which one you meant," he replied honestly.
Like Mathias would even care about their relationship issues. He was up to his neck in his own at the moment.
Israfel felt like she was going to be sick. Mathias and the others had the strategy portion of this little journey back into The Between for Round Two with Ceirdowyn, so she wasn’t really needed in their little "war room", which gave her ample opportunity to stand outside and pace back and forth, all while concentrating on not throwing up.
She never knew... And she shouldn’t have had to learn that way. In fact, she was probably better off not knowing at all. Angels were permitted to mate in all senses of the word and they certainly reproduced, but spawning for them had about as much intimacy as a plant being fertilized. They had no parental feelings, they didn’t think about the concept of offspring- oh they certainly knew that whatever act of fornication they might commit could result in offspring, but they’d never know which young angel was theirs when it grew enough to flit amongst other angels, nor would they have a desire to know. Hell, that was probably why so many human mothers were abandoned with Nephilim bastards when the Grigori first started walking the Earth- angels simply didn’t understand the fact that for humans, reproduction was different.
And yet, here she was, a mother of who knew how many angels, suddenly fully aware of at least one of her own offspring. It might have been easier to take if it was an angel she had never met, one that she didn’t actually have feelings for, but because it was Pagiel, it tore her apart. She had embraced that little Cherub and taken her under her wings, and now, perhaps, she understood why, but that didn’t make it any easier. Adoration from an older angel to a younger one was nothing new and perfectly healthy, but these feelings she had now weren’t natural. They were strange and foreign and they scared her.
Azazel eased out of the room, somehow managing to look as sick as she felt, although it was probably for a different reason. "Izzy?"
"Did you know?" She demanded, not even bothering to correct him for using the endearment she had forbid him to use.
"I suspected," he nodded, shifting uncomfortably. "When you looked at the facts, it was so clear. No other angel could sing like you could... Except her."
She went back to pacing. "I feel really strange... Like I just want to tear Ceirdowyn’s heart, except I have no real reason to feel that way."
"Except that she took your little girl away," Azazel explained. "It’s called being maternal."
"But I’m not maternal! I’m an angel- we don’t feel that way," she cried, balling her hands into fists as if she was ready to punch something. (Azazel winced out of habit, but she didn’t even try to strike him.) "You can’t tell me you suddenly feel paternal?"
"Oh, I’ve felt paternal for a long time now. That’s the sad fate of the Grigori. We live amongst humans for so long and then we start acting like them. You saw how Gagiel and Ronel looked after their daughters. I am, more or less, the same, except that I haven’t had a daughter to dote over in that way. If you’ll recall, the only human woman I ever cared about, however briefly, lost her baby, blamed me for it, and ran out on me."
"But you had Pagiel," Israfel whispered, lowering her gaze.
"I had her, but I didn’t know what I had. Like I said, all I had were suspicions and a knowledge of the vague similarities between the two of you. In her fiercest moments, she was always a lot like you. That night she fought Gabriel, it was like watching you, only you never had the courage to stand up to her like that."
She almost slapped him for that comment, but she let her hand drop uselessly to her side before she could manage to make the swing. A trace of nostalgia crossed her face and she chuckled. "I remember when they brought Gabriel for her trial, I was shocked that Pagiel was the one who did that to her."
"You felt proud, didn’t you?" He asked, smirking slightly.
"Yeah, I guess I did," Israfel laughed, shaking her head. "Maybe I always knew the truth too and just didn’t believe it."
"The real question of course is what we’re going to do about it," Azazel noted with an air of anxiety. He had every right to feel nervous, however. His relationship with Israfel hadn’t exactly been conductive to anything resembling functionality since they both entered each others’ lives again. And now they had a daughter (albeit a grown daughter who was perfectly capable of taking care of herself- provided, of course, they saved her from the impending doom she was currently facing) and... Well, the awkwardness of what they had believed to be their final moment back in The Between before Mathias saved them still hung over their heads... Or at least it hung over his head. Knowing Izzy, she was probably blocking it out.
"Why would we do anything about it?" Israfel asked, bewildered that he’d even brought the question up. (He honestly should have suspected her to react that way. He knew her better than she wanted him to.) "We’re going to get her back and we’re... We're not going to think about this."
"That’s your solution?" He rolled his eyes. "We don’t think about it?"
"You can think about it if you want," she snapped back, suddenly very irritated for no apparent reason, which wasn't uncommon for her. "You can be all paternal and fatherly with Pagiel and buy her a pony or whatever it is that fathers on this sad little planet do, but I’m not taking any part in it."
She started to storm off and, like a fool, he couldn’t resist taking one last jibe at her, because there was only one reason why she would react that way, and that was the fact that the lingering threat of what she let slip when she thought they were both going to die was haunting her far more than the revelation that the angel that both of them had come to be fond of was actually their daughter was. "Tell me, Israfel, is the reason you want no part of this really because you’re scared of being the maternal figure you already were to Pagiel, only more officially.... Or is it because you’re scared because you can’t take back what you said?"
She stopped, but didn’t look at him, and he drove the knife home, unflinchingly. "About never forgiving me for leaving you, because you couldn’t stop loving me."
She was in his face a moment later, but she didn’t pummel him to the ground like he half-expected her to do. He was so used to being struck that it didn’t even phase him anymore, and saying what was on his mind was far more cathartic and worthwhile, even with the repeated blows to the face, than keeping his mouth shut... But this was different. This wasn’t violence- he knew how to react to that. It was just a single command.
"Don’t."
He deeply considered pressing, but he didn’t or rather, couldn’t. He held back and didn’t say the five million things running through his mind that would have demanded her to own up to the fact that, despite everything, she still loved him, and he was fully aware of it. No amount of backtracking and offhanded remarks about "taking it back" could erase it from his mind.
The truth was, his Izzy- his steadfast, strong, brash, unshakeable, bitchy, and absolutely violent Izzy- was cracking ever so slowly- a hairline just before the final shatter- and he didn’t have to see into her eyes to know it. If anything, her eyes would lie, but the pulse of her aura- once strong and resolute, now wavering like a leaf on the wind- hinted at things that troubled her mind that she wasn’t going to speak of or even show beyond a simple backing down from a fight that scared him more than several millennia of seething hatred and violent inclinations ever could. Things that involved every revelation that beckoned from the heart of The Between where she would have been wont to leave them if they hadn’t of followed her out. Things he would only break her heart by mentioning if only for the opportunity to lord it over her.
So he backed down. It was probably the one thing he’d done since their reunion that even came close to making her happy.
"In the meantime," she said darkly once she was satisfied that he wasn't going to press the matter, sounding just a bit more like her old self. "Don’t mention this whole revelation to Mathias." She glowered at him as if she expected him to make an offhand joke there. "And I mean the one about us being Pagiel’s parents."
"I know which one you meant," he replied honestly.
Like Mathias would even care about their relationship issues. He was up to his neck in his own at the moment.