update 2010
Oh geez. First entry back after four weeks and the first thing I'm going to blog about is my day?
What's on my mind right now:
> Damn, I'm really enjoying my chemistry class. Surpsingly so, considering chemistry was one of my worse IB HL subjects. And my awesome lab TA from last term is my lab TA this term! Last term was organic chemistry so we didn't really expect them to come back again, but she's my TA for the inorganic and physical chemistry sections of the course as well. And, I get the cute upper-year undergraduate mentor with the Ringo haircut for my 'course community' this term, too. =D
> Kind of stressing out about transfer applications. I have no idea how all of this is going to work out. And I always have this sinking feeling that I'll be (financially) shackled to Canada for the rest of my undergraduate career, maybe even - God forbid - longer. Honestly, the only thing that might make me slightly reconsider staying in Toronto, should I get the opportunity to transfer, is the art.
> I'm back in ballet and, I swear to God, it's like my mind's slowly awakening again. I have to accept that my opportunity has passed, but at least to still be able to dance again is rejuvenating. It makes me care about life a little bit more. The problem with me, though, is that I can't get my heart to stop wanting. I still want to make myself relevant to the art community and these silly dreams just won't leave me alone.
But what could I do with this life really? What does God want me to do with this life? I'm teaching myself to abandon ambition so I can hurt a little less, focus on God, and I think hey, I'm a decent Christian. If I could achieve just a grain of what I dream about would I still be a follower? Believer, yes, but probably not a follower. Maybe it's a good thing I'm kind of a failure.
> I like how I can lose my identity here at a big school. I can matter only to people who want me to matter. And be completely invisible to everyone else.
> I have no doubt about where I stand in my faith. But as a future academic I wonder if it's possible to be an open believer in the science community. Especially in a field like astrophysics.
> I used to believe that teaching was for people who couldn't do. As of late, however, I'm starting to think it's a more noble profession than I previously thought it was. In both arts and academics, the influence of certain teachers (and one TA) I've had makes me reconsider education as a possibility. I'd be a horrible teacher, but I do have new found respect for those who are passionate about education.
OTHER NOTES:
- only two months of classes left before exams
- NY, NY, NY, NY, NY, NY, NY, NY. I need to go back pretty soon. Can't stay away for too long.
- theater committee meetings have become much more arduous, but there is something to look forward to every time I go
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT HIM
- gorgeous smile
- laid back
- works with MIM-type youth theater company
- spazzy sometimes
- enthusiastic
- opinionated
- young at heart
- damn talented (makes me crazy jealous, too)
WHAT I'M DEFINITELY NOT CRAZY ABOUT
- smoker
THINGS TO DO THIS WEEK
- listen to Blood Brothers and La Cage aux Folles, refresher on Little Shop and JC Superstar, read Equus
- sort out your transfer applications
- speaking of transferring, decide who your references will be - will my registrar write me a generic one to fulfill that college administrator evaluation?
- jazz class drop-in at Metro Movement
- actually go to lectures