Prozac, anyone?
Alot has happened since I last wrote.
Quit the hosting job downtown
Took the waitressing job at the restaurant next door.
Turned 22.
Got my side mirror smashed by an idiot driver.
Pouring all the money i've made this month into get the damn mirror fixed.
Had an old friend since 4th grade come visit me from the other side of the country.
Found out that we don't have much in common anymore.
Had one of my good college friends come visit me.
We had a blast.
Started drinking alot more than usual.
Wondering why alcohol is fascinating me so much.
Not worried enough to stop doing it.
Needing to lost 15+ pounds before August 6th.
Wondering how I'm gonna do it when I'm eating and throwing up almost every day.
Knowing that the gym is my answer if I can't control my eating disorder.
Hating myself.
Knowing that ifonlyifonlyifonly i was comfortable in my own skin, life would be better.
Also knowing that the answer is to become anorexic again.
Knowing this is not the answer, but believing it anyways.
Hating myself, again and forever.
Waking up almost every night with chest pains.
Wondering if it's the constant purging?
Thinking that it is.
Hoping that one of these times, it will be a full fledged heart attack.
Knowing that I won't call for help, but just wait for life to end so that it can begin.
Shit, I know I'm depressed again.
Quit the hosting job downtown
Took the waitressing job at the restaurant next door.
Turned 22.
Got my side mirror smashed by an idiot driver.
Pouring all the money i've made this month into get the damn mirror fixed.
Had an old friend since 4th grade come visit me from the other side of the country.
Found out that we don't have much in common anymore.
Had one of my good college friends come visit me.
We had a blast.
Started drinking alot more than usual.
Wondering why alcohol is fascinating me so much.
Not worried enough to stop doing it.
Needing to lost 15+ pounds before August 6th.
Wondering how I'm gonna do it when I'm eating and throwing up almost every day.
Knowing that the gym is my answer if I can't control my eating disorder.
Hating myself.
Knowing that ifonlyifonlyifonly i was comfortable in my own skin, life would be better.
Also knowing that the answer is to become anorexic again.
Knowing this is not the answer, but believing it anyways.
Hating myself, again and forever.
Waking up almost every night with chest pains.
Wondering if it's the constant purging?
Thinking that it is.
Hoping that one of these times, it will be a full fledged heart attack.
Knowing that I won't call for help, but just wait for life to end so that it can begin.
Shit, I know I'm depressed again.