the curse of procrastination
She wants to try
But has much procrastination
She’s unsure and insecure
She thinks her cure is starvation.
I read that somewhere. Procrastination is my first, middle, and last name. In fact, that's really why I get so upset with myself most the time...why school was sometimes a living hell when all I had to do was plan on doing my assignments in a timely fashion. And I wonder if that's my problem with trying to recover? I mean here I am, in the interim of trying to figure things out and try to do the right thing for once ... try to live, whole and vibrant And yet I still have so much trouble...I could never say that I am successfully on the road to seeing my eating disorder behind me. There are so many setbacks, and it's really my thoughts that just bear me down and keep telling me I cant, i won't, so i don't. (And yes, I know that pretty much EVERYONE trying to live and get past an eating disorder has major setbacks). But I'm trying to pinpoint my own most pressing problem, and I think maybe it's just that -- procrastination. Here I am, trying to figure out how to get rid of this thing and yet still get through my very fucked up life....and all this time i'm just unsure about it all, still very insecure, and thinking that starving is still the immediate answer until I "figure it all out."
Now to do something with what I just processed.... but will I really?
or will i just ponder, and all the while waste away?
But has much procrastination
She’s unsure and insecure
She thinks her cure is starvation.
I read that somewhere. Procrastination is my first, middle, and last name. In fact, that's really why I get so upset with myself most the time...why school was sometimes a living hell when all I had to do was plan on doing my assignments in a timely fashion. And I wonder if that's my problem with trying to recover? I mean here I am, in the interim of trying to figure things out and try to do the right thing for once ... try to live, whole and vibrant And yet I still have so much trouble...I could never say that I am successfully on the road to seeing my eating disorder behind me. There are so many setbacks, and it's really my thoughts that just bear me down and keep telling me I cant, i won't, so i don't. (And yes, I know that pretty much EVERYONE trying to live and get past an eating disorder has major setbacks). But I'm trying to pinpoint my own most pressing problem, and I think maybe it's just that -- procrastination. Here I am, trying to figure out how to get rid of this thing and yet still get through my very fucked up life....and all this time i'm just unsure about it all, still very insecure, and thinking that starving is still the immediate answer until I "figure it all out."
Now to do something with what I just processed.... but will I really?
or will i just ponder, and all the while waste away?